There's no reason to ever go to Mexico
. Just because "The Simpsons"
the happiest place on Earth ... or because your friends are going there to pick up jailbait at spring break... or your mom's getting married for the 12th time and it's snowing where you live in Michigan
None of this warrants dodging bullets, drug smugglers, human traffickers, leeching cops who want handouts and U.S. border patrol agents who want to see if you have anything in your pants.
Seriously, none of those horrors are likely to befall you there. We just wanted to put you off for a few minutes while we got a running head start for the border. Why? Because of all these hot weather girls, idiot. That, and all the tequila
, of course.
Elva Saray, Formerly of Mexican TV, Now Living in L.A.
Elva has been on our dopplers since her days
as an up-and-comer (no jokes, please) in her home country. Now she's the best reason to check out L.A.'s weather in another language
Mayte Carranco, From MTY Television
Televisa Monterrey has plenty of hot chicks on its roster, but none can compare, sexiness-wise, with Mayte Carranco
. This is mainly because we found a YouTube clip of her doing decidedly non-weather-related activities, unless walking around in a bikini has something to do with the warm front in Mexico
Angie Gonzalez, Multimedios TV
Only in Mexico can you wear a pair of shorts
and still be considered professional. Hell, you'll become a national sex symbol, much like Angie here.
Mabel Salinas, Monterrey TV Networks
As our friends at Google Translate tell us, "She joined the legion of Monterrey Climate Girls has a large group of fans who surf a channel every half hour while hard
local news anchor." That naughty local news anchor ...
Yaneth Garza, MTY Television
It may be close in spelling to that evil American network that exclusively produces crappy reality shows, but MTY has nothing whatsoever in common with MTV. For example: Audrina Patridge is on MTV, while MTY has hotter chicks with better boobs. Opening and closing argument: Yaneth Garza's gazongas.
Mich Franco, Noticieros TV
We'd stay up all night for a glimpse of Mich Franco
... or simply look her up on YouTube like a normal pre-vert. As one commenter bluntly put it, "Not ready for primetime, but that rack qualifies her for the night shift!"
Michelle Galvan, MTY Television
Michelle, repeatedly referred to on YouTube as "Precious Woman"
(maybe that's just the polite translation from Babel Fish), is apparently on Saturdays at 6 p.m. Why MTY would bury her in the only time no one, even addicts like us, ever watches TV is beyond us. Then again, there are enough hot chicks working at MTY to fill every slot, 24/7, which is not an invitation to make jokes about filling slots 24/7, by the way.
Sugey Abrego, Matutino Express
Sugey's YouTube array frequently inspires commenters to pose this burning question: "Why do they use a hooker
as weather girl?" What does that matter, Ahab2008? When you've seen as many clips of her as we have, you'll change that question to, "Does she do birthday parties?"
Monica Escamilla, TV Azteca
Here's the only weather girl we could find who knows that boobs are just as eye-catching in a sweater as they might be, you know, falling out of a shirt. Monica has rocked tank tops, dresses, pantsuits, even see-through lingerie
(just kidding) on her TV Azteca broadcasts, but it's this top we'll take with us to our grave, which should come soon because her boyfriend is trying to murder us for stealing her sweater.