Only 20 percent of today's students are ever sent to the principal's office, according to the Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions.

This may sound positive to most people, but it is actually a horrible breakdown in our society. If people aren't learning how to BS their way out of situations when they're young, how will they do it when a cop is shining a Maglite in their faces?

When we polled our admittedly delinquent Asylum contributors, 90 percent had been sent to the principal's office at some point during school. Keep reading for their firsthand accounts of life lessons learned from the principal office.

Make Lies Believable
"In kindergarten, I got sent to the principal's office for biting another little girl because she was a bitch and I hated her. I simply explained to the man that I had been innocently standing on the playground with my mouth open when the other little girl hit me. I really couldn't believe that nobody bought my brilliant excuse." -- Emily


Seniority Doesn't Equal Authority
"In first grade, I argued with a brand new teacher who said the "school rule" was you couldn't play under the slide, for safety. I told her I'd been at the school longer and never heard of any such rule. She didn't like that and sent me to the principal's office." -- Brian

There's Always a Man Above the Man
"The study hall teacher sent my friend and me to the principal for talking. When we told her why we were sent there, the coffee-wielding, hard-as-nails lady leader of disciplinary smackdowns said, 'Get out of my office and get back where you came from!'" -- Christian

Authority Figures Lie
"A friend and I used to mess with some other kid in our grade. We were both brought down and interrogated separately and together. Finally, we were told that there were spies in the hallways who would watch if we 'bullied' again." -- Jordan

Wait It Out
"In first grade, this Ninja Turtle punk roundhoused my friend. So obviously, I had to whip him in the neck with a beaded jump rope. He cried like a little bitch. I hid under the jungle gym so the aide couldn't find me, then ducked into class after recess. By the time The Man came to get me, it was late and Mr. Nickles wanted to go home. He just said, 'You know that was wrong, right? OK, peace.'" -- Julieanne

Beware of "Nice" Authority Figures
"In elementary school, we had one of those 'he's cool,' hip principals. Biggest smile and warmest handshake. Once, I said something nasty to another student and was sent to him. He spanked me with a wooden paddle. I've never been beaten so cheerfully. Afterward, he said, 'Thanks!', like I'd just ordered a latte." -- Caleb

Revenge Is Dangerous
"I once shoved Cheetos into a kid's face because he stole my Trapper Keeper and 'Savage Dragon' comics. I was a junior in high school. So that would make me a junior with a Trapper Keeper full of comics, I know. We both got written up." -- James

Share your disciplinary encounters with the big guy in the comments.