Spit in the face = paid time offYes, public transportation sucks. There are crazy people, and the whole time you can feel Jack Donaghy mocking you in your brain. But that's no reason to spit on the bus driver. Not that they mind.

In fact, if you spit on a bus driver, you might even become his new best friend.* Why? Because being spat upon = paid vacation for the drivers, who can take time off for being assaulted. Lots of time.

In fact, last year the average amount of time a driver took off to recover from a spit incident was 64 days. And of the 153 drivers who got paid time off last year because of assault, a third of them were spitting victims. Oh, and the even-better news is that many times their shifts had to be covered by somebody being paid time-and-a-half.

Suddenly, a new way for us to eke a small amount of enjoyment from the next round of service cuts is occurring to us ... **

*Probably not, though. We don't recommend this.
**Not really. We would never do that.