Cook to Bang
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Spencer Walker, a television writer who worked on the kids shows "The Replacements" and "Ni Hao Kai-lan," was having a tough time dealing with the writer's strike and a recent breakup. He wasn't allowed to make money at his chosen profession and couldn't afford to take new ladies out to dinner, so he created the site Cook to Bang.

Now, after years of controversy and endless hate mail (he says there were death threats, but none of them serious), Walker decided to finally grace the world with the book "Cook to Bang: The Lay Cook's Guide to Getting Laid."

He says it's a guide for the suave cook-at-home dude who's "too cheap to pay for two."

His recipes are designed to turn any confirmed bachelor into Gordon Ramsay, albeit without all the screaming and slobbering profanities. They cover everything from Finger-Food Foreplay to Morning Wood to Raging Hard-On Lemonade. Everything contains an aphrodisiac of one kind or another, as Walker tells Asylum, "I use at least one in almost everything I cook -- honestly, just because they taste good."

Yeah, right. Keep reading for Walker's step-by-step process for turning Chef Boyardee into Chef Justgotlaidlastnight.


Know Something About What Your Date Wants
Cook to Bang
It seems like an obvious mistake, but most people don't bother to ask anyone what they are in the mood to eat.

"What you should pick up at the store depends on the girl you're cooking for -- no filet mignons for vegans," advises Walker. "The guy should know what the girl can and can't eat, allergy-wise. Know your date and what they like as much as you can in advance -- whether it's cooking to bang or cooking to get a relationship going, it's important to know."
If You're the Worst Cook in the World, Cheat
Cook to Bang
Walker recommends salad, at least as a starter, even for people who can't cook.

"(It's) just assembling the right collection of vegetables and the dressing," and he says that part can be easy, too. "I would go with vinegar, olive oil and lemon juice, a third of each mixed together. Balsamic is a little overpowering for your purposes here, so skip it unless you really know what you're doing."
Slip Some (Legal) Aphrodisiacs in There
Cook to Bang
Walker recommends using at least one aphrodisiac in each dish.

"I use honey, especially when I cook chicken. For pancakes, even, it's much healthier than syrup. Ginger's another great one, it's good for your blood. It makes your body more sensitive to the touch. It also boosts the male, uh, functions."
There's a Reason Women Go Crazy for Chocolate ...
Cook to Bang
Walker does not hesitate for a second when asked what's for dessert.

"You can get your date hooked on you by serving them chocolate -- it makes men function better in bed and causes female orgasms to increase. In the book, I have a brownie recipe using real chocolate instead of brownie mix -- it's explosive -- using compressed chocolate and raspberry that can turn a roomful of females into bedlam."
Breakfast in Bed: The Reason Mom Married Your Dad
Cook to Bang
Assuming all goes well and dinner turns into a slumber party, be prepared with some fresh eggs for the morning.

"Breakfast in bed is the keeper guy's move. Girls I didn't want, I would say, 'Thanks for coming over. I called you a cab.'"

Ouch.