Most people, when they see a viral video, are content simply to point and laugh, and maybe email the link to several hundred of their closest friends. Here at Asylum, though, we like to dig deeper, to quench the fire from the burning questions that arise from them.
KGO-TV Chief Investigative Reporter Dan Noyes tries to interview a hospital official, but PR flack Marc Slavin runs interference. In the process, despite Noyes' increasingly urgent warnings to desist, Slavin keeps touching him, mostly on the shoulder.
We caught up to Noyes to get the full scoop. Find out what happens in the rest of the clip, and the full story behind it, after the jump.
In what appears to be either the worst Jedi mind trick ever, or a series of failed Vulcan nerve pinches, Slavin tries, ad absurdum, to quell Noyes with a steady right hand, as Noyes repeatedly says, "Stop touching me!"
Noyes (the larger, silver-haired gent) looks like he probably ate two Slavin-size stacks of pancakes for breakfast that day, so you really get the sense that he could go UFC on the dude at any moment.
In the second half of the clip, things get even weirder, as the heretofore tranquil Slavin loses his shit and attacks the camera.
Dan Noyes was doing an investigative report on San Francisco's Laguna Honda Hospital. According to his reporting, the hospital administrators had been using the patient gift fund for extravagances like gourmet meals, barbecues and airline tickets for themselves and staff.
Dan went to Honda Laguna Hospital to confront the administration about the report. Noyes tells Asylum that "in 25 years as an investigative reporter, this is pretty much the strangest reaction I've ever had from a public official."
He notes the viral popularity of the clip, and says that commenters on his blog counted the number of times Slavin touched him, versus the number of times Noyes warned him to stop. "I think the final count was 41 for the pats, and 18 for the times where I said 'Don't touch me,' so it was very odd."
So, was Slavin ever in danger of having the Noyes brung on him? "Well, as a reporter, and as a professional, you have to act a certain way. Of course, as a guy, I wanted to push him, but I wasn't going to do that because it really wasn't personal, it was business to me. It was definitely frustrating, because I told him not to touch me, he kept on doing it, and that's just wrong."
Apparently, Slavin is still with Laguna Honda, but Noyes reported that Slavin's boss, Director of Public Health Mitch Katz, acknowledged that his behavior was "unprofessional."
The viral popularity of the video doesn't seem to bother Dan Noyes, even though, as he says, it overshadows some good reporting. "It is pretty entertaining, I've got to admit," he says.
We tried to contact Marc Slavin to get his side of the story, but we haven't heard back yet.
Hopefully, this story will help to shine some light on the excellent work Noyes is doing when he's not fending off 41 consecutive instances of battery. A great example is his pwnership of Gavin Newsom's former press secretary, Peter Ragone. Noyes busted Ragone for using sock puppet identities to criticize Noyes' reporting, and after douchily denying it, Ragone was forced to fess up.
So, Dan Noyes, viral video star and investigative journalist extraordinaire, Asylum salutes you.