OMCRAP! Have you seen Irwin?! The concrete raccoon that used to sit on Alicia Boros's porch in Bay Ridge?!

Apparently mistaking their own borough for a small town in rural Nebraska, The Brooklyn Paper ran a story today about a missing raccoon lawn ornament that had been decorating the porch of Alicia Boros for three years.

Nobody knows who took it, but people have their suspicions, namely the students from a nearby school, who were spotted stealing a neighbor's "big pumpkin" one fall, and possibly took a pirate flag as well, those scoundrels. According to the sign that has been duct taped to Alicia's porch (left), Irwin was a gift from her mother, so please return it.

What can we expect from tomorrow's news? "Lunch Lady Serves 10,000th Meatloaf," "Bettie Smith Proves Doll Collecting Worthwhile," or perhaps "Bumbling Deputy Once Again Locked in Cell, Sheriff Andy Taylor Unavailable for Comment."