From a statistical standpoint, men are more likely than women to step out on their relationships. However, at least in terms of marital infidelity, the spread between the genders is smaller than you might think: 22 percent of guys cheat compared with 14 percent of ladies.So why is it we only hear about how Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Bill Clinton and the like couldn't stay true? What about all the ladies, famous or not, who are out there prowling for some of the strange?
Men get cheated on, too. To prove it, we talked to four regular guys who've felt the sickening smart of infidelity. They let us in on what they were able to learn from the unfortunate experience.
The guy: Matthew
What happened: A few years after I graduated high school, I moved to a small town in Pennsylvania where I found myself working two dead-end jobs and living in a studio apartment that should have been condemned.
While working, I met this girl. She had long blond hair and didn't mind my small apartment or the fact that I worked 80 hours a week to make ends meet. A few months had gone by and she moved in.
One night I wasn't feeling well. Working from 6 to 2:30 p.m., followed by another shift from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m., was finally taking its toll. I drove home and pulled into the drive to find my girlfriend's car and another I didn't recognize.
As soon as I stepped through the door, I could see two naked bodies jump from underneath sheets. When the initial shock faded and reality set in, I could feel the blood boil within me. Something snapped. I started grabbing her things and throwing them out the door.
The creature hissed and growled at me like a lioness protecting her cubs as she shuffled around trying to put on her clothes, but it was no use. By the time I was done, all of her belongings were scattered across the lawn.
Before closing the door in her face, I couldn't help feel sorry for her.
What I learned: Being cheated on has left an emotional and insecure scar. It's hard to imagine such a beautiful and caring person could turn into such a vicious and poisonous viper. Cheating is not a remedy to a erroneous situation. If the circumstances are truly that bad, move on.
The guy: JesseWhat happened: I was 19 and in my first relationship. In the words of Benjamin Disraeli, "The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end."
About a month into the relationship her ex, a mutual friend, was going to move to Colorado, and she wanted to spend some time with him before he left. I didn't think anything of it since we, by all appearances, were madly in love and our mutual friend was someone who I thought respected me.
Long story short, they got drunk and the rest is fairly easy to imagine. Our relationship imploded not long after that, but she didn't confess what she had done until six months after the fact, when we had gotten back together.
The confession shattered me into tiny bits of emotional hell. Despite the fact that it was a half a year later, I felt the pain like it had just happened. We were on-again, off-again for a few years, but I could never get over what had happened, and never fully trusted her after that.
Having experienced the pain of infidelity firsthand I swore I would never put someone through that same wringer.
What I learned: I learned that physical attraction is more powerful than I had given it credit for, and in the right circumstances anyone would cheat on their significant other. The trick is to recognize this and not put yourself in a position where you are tempted, or you might be led into something that you will regret.
The guy: Danny What happened: My girlfriend and I had been together for the better part of a year. We lived together, co-signing the lease on our apartment, and both our cars were in both of our names. I knew her schedule and we did just about everything together. I didn't think that fidelity was something I had to be worried about.
We were going through a rough spot, but when we discovered that we had a baby on the way, we decided to marry. We were both overjoyed -- spending much of our time talking about names, buying things for the baby, signing up for websites about parenting and telling our respective family and friends.
I went to pick up a few friends from work and had her phone with me. Bored, I flipped through our recent text messages, reading the conversations we'd been having. I stopped at one that said something along the lines of "I'm glad Danny isn't the father of my baby ..."
The news that my baby may not be mine was devastating -- but since she was pregnant, when I confronted her I was as calm as possible. Considering the status of the relationship at the time, I forgave her and we continued with our relationship almost another year, but the anger, pain, distrust and general bad blood between us eventually erupted in other ways, and we split up.
The truth is, it happens to us, too. And even though we're not supposed to talk about it, it hurts just as much.
What I learned: I'm not really sure if I learned anything that's any good from the situation. All I can really say I took from it is that it became much harder for me to trust someone. I never intend to be the cause of so much pain. If I'm just not feeling it anymore, it's much better to break it off there, and not add insult to injury by cheating on her.
The guy: Vincent What happened: After dating a woman for a long period of time, I found out from one of her friends that my girlfriend had had a long history of cheating. I kept this conversation in the back of my mind, and never questioned my girlfriend about it ... until one day that she admitted to me that she had slept with someone else.
I sat in the room across from her in a daze for over an hour as she explained what happened. To this day, I still don't remember a word she said.
Even though I was being eaten up inside over this issue, my feelings for her blinded my decision-making. I spent the next few weeks trying to ignore the feelings of distrust that were boiling to the surface. After a few weeks, my girlfriend was seen with the person she had cheated on me with.
After confronting her about this issue for the second time, I realized that cheating was part of her personality, and I broke off the relationship. Over the next few weeks, I could not shake the feeling that every relationship that I was in was just a time bomb waiting to go off. At the same time, I could not shake the feelings of inadequacy, inability and inferiority.
What I learned: I came to understand why people say that denial is one of the steps to acceptance. For some reason I believed that since she had admitted to cheating, she would never do it again. It was my mistake that I decided to forgive her.
| No way -- you gotta kick the liar to the curb. | |
|---|---|
| Yes -- mistakes happen; you can work it out. | |
| Maybe -- It depends on the circumstances. |


























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Comments:
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Tuesday 15 June
By Joy
Seems like the common denominator in your relationships is you. Being angry, blameing, name calling, vulgar references, and expecting failure can be self fullfiling.
Many women would never dream of betraying their mate and I am one of them so I think your logic is flawed.
Perhaps a prostitute is your solution but that is not a relatonship.
Tuesday 15 June
By anwrose
"EVERY woman I have ever dated, and the one I was married to ALL cheated and lied"
And the common denominator in all those circumstances would be???????
No, moron. Every woman does NOT cheat. I wouldn't cheat on my husband, simply because I hold much more respect for myself than to be 'shacked up' with some guy. I also respect other women even more. Usually a 'cheating guy' is cheating on someone, and I just would not be responsible for inflicting that sort of pain on another woman.
Sunday 13 June
By JAS
I studied this for 40 years.
Bottom line....a cheat is a cheat is a cheat.
Gender not withstanding.
Should they be given another chance? NO WAY!
They will get more cunning but, without doubt,
they will do it again.
MOVE ON... AND MAKE IT PLAIN GOING IN, THAT YOU
WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.
Reply
Sunday 05 September
By Larry
A lie is a lie alright but so is hypocracy. I believe most everyone "cheats" to some extent, perhaps mentally at least, fantacies, if not realities. Perfection is not reality, if love it a reality then so is tolerance, forgiveness and hope, dedication regardless. My wife had an affair after an argument with me, so what! I can say she did such and such but what part did I or you or anyone else play that creates something? I would not make a terrible nightmare of things, if you love a person then you can forgive and live fine, if you don't love them so much that is probably a good reason things got to that point anyway.
Tuesday 15 June
By Margie Draiss
A cheater is a cheater. It's a problem within themselves, and you're just the schmuck who happens to be the victim at the time. MOVE ON! It's not a deficit within you; it's a deficit within them.
Tuesday 15 June
By Bob
GUYS, LISTEN-UP: In the eyes of Divorce Court not all cheats are equal. Women routinely cheat and profit from hard working men, and when children are involved women absolutely hit the jackpot. A condom and a legally-binding prenuptual agreement are your best protection against the 50/50 chance of being financially raped. If SHE insists that you bring your property/income/wealth to the altar, RUN, DON'T WALK to your nearest exit and KEEP LOOKING.
Tuesday 15 June
By suezywan70
Once a cheater always a cheater, the more times you give them second chances the easier it is for them to cheat on you again.
Tuesday 15 June
By penny
I have to agree with you,,,Nature says,what comes around goes around...I am a true believer of this.I was married for 18 years,and my GUT told me something was wrong.I was right and he was wrong.I have that fat bastard living in his camper in my driveway now,,,,I thought divorse ment,you go your way and i go mine....??? Now.im ready to date and see people,so what do i say to men that someday i want to cook dinner for,oh by the way this is my ex,living in my drive way,.This holds me back from my own happyness,so ,how do i get rid of him ?
Tuesday 15 June
By lisa hamilton
My husband cheated on me with some scank but he continues to think im there for him. I have moved on and i will never ever forgive him i hope he rots in hell.
Wednesday 16 June
By Brownie
What you said isn't applicable to everyone. I have never cheated on my husband, NEVER would, but when I was a young woman and dating, I can't say I was 100% faithful to my boyfriends. Did I sleep with others? No, just kissing and to me that was cheating. I've never done anything like that since I met my husband. I think sometimes, people are just not with the right person as was my case with my boyfriends. I wasn't with THE ONE and I knew that so I was still looking around.
Tuesday 15 June
By paulpicks1
The issue this article raises is an excellent one for discussion. The voting is almost exactly 50-50 on whether to give a cheater another chance. That's no suprise. The world is divided between those who are optimists and those who are pessimists, those who are cynics and skeptics and those who are believers and affirmers. I'm a believer and an affirmer. That does not mean I don't believe in ending a love relationship -- I do, but only if the offending one continues to be repeatedly unfaithful, and only if the offending one does not seem to want forgiveness. I know a man whose wife cheated on him, but when he confronted her she said "I want a divorce" . . . reconciliation is nearly impossible with someone like that. If the unfaithful spouse asks for forgiveness and makes a solid effort to remain faithful, I believe in giving a second chance. I'm an eternal optimist
Tuesday 15 June
By raven Black
Young love can be blind....infidelity is hard to accept... possibly once... but not twice....It happened also to me. Once after a strong, I thought and intense relationship for two years. I forgiving her thinking it was a young and impetuous bad decision. I eventually was engaged to her, was drafted in the Vietnam War and you can imagine the rest of the story. I received that dreaded Dear John letter that so many soldier experience. When getting back I tried to make sense of it all contacting her once more. She told me once again she made a foolish decision.... I stated.... a decision you have to live with the rest of your life and walked away. She never did marry until many years later with no children of her own.
Tuesday 15 June
By poot
Kind of a personal matter whether you give the person another chance or not... but it IS refreshing to see an article pointing out the fact that women cheat just as often as men do... it's very tiring seeing nothing but whining women complain about men, when the proven fact is that infidelity is divided just about 50/50.
Tuesday 15 June
By CRIZZ2001
Women are all evil and they have no morals at all, they are sent here to weaken man and destroy him of every things that is by god is given to him. IT WAS NOT ADAM WHO PERSUADED EVE TO BITE THE APPLE?? NEVER TRUST A WOMEN WHITE OR BLACK!!!!!
Tuesday 15 June
By Howard Studstill
I think the numbers are much higher. Every woman I dated cheated on me. I think it was their way of ending the relationship, usually because I would not fully commit to the relationship or marry them. In my mind, I was fully committed which made it very difficult to understand. Now I realize that women simply have different emotional needs. Fortunately, I found my wife, who is the only one who has ever loved me unconditionally. It is interesting to note that when my wife was pregnant, her caseworker commented that she was the only mother-to-be in her caseload who knew who the father was!!!! Scary!! Personally, I think women cheat way more than men simply because they can and it helps to boost ego and self-esteem. Men are much more committed and sensitive than given credit for.
Thursday 08 July
By HEIDE
I COUGHT MY BOYFRIEND TEXTING SOME GIRL HE TOLD ME SHE WAS JUST A FRIEND. IF SHE WAS JUST A FRIEND HOW COME HE NEVER HAD HER CALL THE HOUSE PHONE AND THE THING THAT THEY WERE TEXTING BACK AND FORTH WAS NOT WHAT FRIENDS SAY TO EACH OTHER AND THEN WHEN I STARTED CHECKING HIS PHONE HE SET THE PHONE TO ERASE THE MESSEGES AFTER HE WROTE THEM AND WHAT SHE WOULD WRITE BACK. I GAVE HIM A CHOICE EATHER HER OR ME HE PICKED ME AND NOW HE LOST HIS PHONE WITH HER NUMBER SO. I THINK IF YOUR IN LOVE WITH THE OTHER PERSON AND YOU WANT TO WORK THINGS OUT YOU SHOULD AND IF THEY KEEP DOING IT THEN YOU KICK THEM IN THE ASS AND OUT THE DOOR AND BE DONE WITH THEM.
Saturday 27 November
By Caree
There is a reason why a person is unfaithful, both parties are to blame to a point.
Tuesday 15 June
By j
my experience is if you forgive a cheater
they will eventually cheat again
Tuesday 15 June
By Reformed Cheater
After 10 yrs of marriage, I was pursued by a woman and I gave in. I knew it was the wrong thing to do so I ended the affair. The pursuing woman wrote my wife and spilled the whole story. I was devastated by the whole event. I loved my wife and deeply regretted what I had done. Of course the pain she suffered was great. I write this because all situations are different. I knew I was wrong and repented to my wife and to god. I will never cheat again and yes, I can be trusted to never cheat again. After the pain that my wife and I went through because of this, I will never do such a thing again. It is better for two people to reconcile and live in love than to live in the memory of a failed relationship that was once wonderful. I love my wife and although she will never forget what I did, I have devoted my life to re-establishing my love and trust to this wonderful woman.
Tuesday 15 June
By lilredcaboose
Not necessarily true. My dad years ago had one unfortunate affair. It was an affair that lasted more than a year. When he was finally confronted by our entire family and had to admit it, at first he said he wanted a divorce and wanted to move to Alaska with thisother woman. When we reminded him what he had tought us about fidelity and family, etc. (We were in high school)And that he would lose all of our respect and the love and trust would be gone for a long time. Somehow that hit a chord with him. He dumped the other woman, he and my mom were able to work things out and they continued to repair their marriage and lived happily married for another 40 years.
I once asked my mom how she did it, took him back. She said it wasn easy, but until then he had never lied to her in 20 some odd years and she decided to forgive. Forget - she said she never forgot, but she also NEVREW brought it up again and never tossed it in his face during arguments. She was a strong woman my mom and worthy of respect. But so was my dad. People do make mistakes.