It's not every day you come across a bona fide madam.

But Susan Austin is exactly that. She resurrected The World Famous Mustang Ranch, the first and oldest legal brothel in America, in 2007. The crazy, earlier days of the bordello are the subject of the film "Love Ranch," which comes out later this month.

Austin served as a consultant on the film and also talked to Asylum about her unusual profession. More specifically, the comments that folks who aren't schooled in the intricacies of the sex trade tend to make to her over and over again.

If you happen to find yourself in a (totally legal) house of ill-repute, these are the 10 things you should try to avoid saying to the lady in charge:

10. "Are you on the menu?"
Oh, honey, of course not, but I have a whole bunch of ladies who are.

9. "If this is a ranch, where are the horses?"
We don't ride horses, we ride you.

8. "So you're the pimp."

A pimp beats up the girls and takes their cash; a madam helps them make money in a safe environment.

7. "But you do force them to have sex."

No. These girls would be working illegally -- out there with the predators -- if they didn't have a legal house to work under.

Keep reading for the top 6 things you should never say to a madam.


6. "Can I get a discount?"
There is never a fire sale at a brothel, and if you ask again I'll tell my ladies to charge double.

5. "Were you a hooker?"

Of course I was. You can't call yourself a madam unless you first worked on your back. [Ed. note: According to Austin, a woman who runs a brothel but hasn't worked as a hooker is called a "manager."]

4. "Do you remember me?"
Drop your pants, maybe I'll remember.

3. "You must just see men as big dollar signs."

Not at all. The most successful women in this business are in this business because they love men; the money just follows.

2. "Can a man work for you?"
Can a man do 15 ladies a day?

1. "Why does your brothel have so many security guards?"

I have a German shepherd attack dog, a taser on my side and a gun in my boots -- security is to protect you from me.