Pizza is like porn. Both are simple at first glance, but have multiple hidden layers involving taste, region, history, varieties, morality and stuffed crust. People ultimately want what they want. Thick crusts disgust some, while others chase it exclusively.

That is why reaching a definitive winner for America's best pizza is impossible, even though food and men's lifestyle publications attempt to annually. They forget what pizza (and porn) is really about: good times.

Scott Weiner doesn't forget. A true pizza aficionado, he runs Scott's Pizza Tours in New York, judges slices at the annual International Pizza Expo in Las Vegas, writes about it for various publications and maintains the popular blog Scott's Pizza Journal. However, he doesn't front, even though he could.

"You can have a wine connoisseur, but with pizza, we're all on the same level, " he says. "It's peasant food. We're all pizza enthusiasts."

Weiner's fun, we're-all-in-it-together attitude is the tone of Scott's tours. In the bus, he cranks Mrs. McPuppet singing the children's song "Pizza Pie" and rambles about any pizza trivia tourists ask about, all while asking everyone their favorite hometown pizzas.

"We only have bad corporate pizza," admits a woman from Ottawa.

"Zeeks," a family from Seattle agrees upon.

"Pizzeria Bianco," a guy from Phoenix says. His wife rolls her eyes like she's heard this hundreds of times.

Scott knows all the places, talks about what makes each pizza good, and even has a story about how he made the owner of Pizzeria Bianco uncomfortable with his fandom.

If anyone has the knowledge to name a best pizza, it's Weiner, but he can't even begin to narrow down his favorite.

In New York, he seems to be a fan of the originals: Lombardi's (America's first licensed pizzeria), John's of Bleecker, Patsy's, Totonno's, Joe's, Rizzo's and Sam's in Brooklyn. He also loves J&V Pizzeria, Fornino, Luzzo's, and Louie & Ernie's in the Bronx.

Outside of New York?

"For the people in the pizza world, New Haven, Conn., is very important," Weiner says. "If you go there, a bunch of pizzerias are amazing. Portland is coming up for being important for pizza. San Francisco has some of the best pizza I've ever had. Delphina Pizzeria; Pizzeria Picco in Larkspur; Gialina, which has a really interesting pastry-like crust. And then there's this guy called Pizza Hacker who makes pizza on the streets with a modified Weber grill in about a minute and a half."

Overall, his advice for choosing a favorite is to pick the one that makes you happiest.

"If you're eating a bad slice, stop eating, and go somewhere else," he said. "I've done 15 or 16 pizzerias in one day."