It's a writing award that most authors would want to avoid. However, novelist Molly Ringle found a silver lining in being the 28th annual recipient of the Bulwer-Lytton prize for the worst opening sentence of a novel. "You kind of have to have a certain amount of skill to write a sentence so bad it would win," the Seattle-based Ringle explained. "You have to work at it."
Here is the result of that hard work on her novel "The Ghost Downstairs," and the Bulwer-Lytton winner:
"For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss -- a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil."
According to Ringle, she thought of the rodent metaphor as she nursed her infant son, and was reminded of how a pet guinea pig suckles on its bottle.
Somehow, knowing that context makes her sentence all the more wretched.


























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Comments:
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Wednesday 30 June
By Don
I love it! I think her sentence is a classic of bad writing - so bad it actually makes you laugh out loud.
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Wednesday 30 June
By CJ
I thought it was quite interesting. Didn't know they were animals she was talking about though until I saw the photo. Such good cover-up...I guess....
Wednesday 30 June
By Robbie
"CJ:" They were NOT animals (well, at least not THAT type of animal)! That was just a metaphor; they really were people. The key phrase includes "...as if she were...and he were...."
Thursday 01 July
By D
Read As the Crow Falls sometime. Full of graphic violence, but a great story. Author has actually been questioned about it. Mob story, and he might have known some of what happened. True, but the guy calls it fiction. Chills the bones.
I replied to you because he has the same name. Don. Freaking wild, but sad story.
Wednesday 30 June
By RC
She, her agent, and her publisher should be embarrassed.
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By Rugulah
You know that this is bad on purpose, don't you? The contest asks for the worst first sentence of a novel, but there is no novel. It's supposed to be funny and it was.
Wednesday 30 June
By BTDT
Her agent should be proud.
If he can sell this, he can sell sno-cones to eskimos.
Wednesday 30 June
By sticks dad
Who Cares like I read this trash anyways
Reply
Thursday 01 July
By Barbara
But you do read this stuff. What planet are you from?
Wednesday 30 June
By Rusty
"The Trojans' trumpet!"
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By Heather
So, did she purposely write that way or did she really think that metaphor was appropriate?
There are so many other ways (better ways) to describe a passionate and forbidden kiss.
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By Wendy
She has the last laugh. Her novel was published in spite of her bad writing.
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By Marlo
In the words of Lucy from Peanuts - Aurgh!!!!! or something like that..... Yucko!
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By mesaman
If I had of knew bad writing could make you famous, I would have got awards all through grade school. At least they aren't stealing ideas off of people who's ideas was probably stold off of someone else. There, that ought to do it.
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By Rugulah
Just for those who don't know; this is bad on purpose.
I love it. It made me laugh. I only wish that these 'dark and stormy night' writers actually had a novel, not just a first sentence.
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By Stephen
True, the verbally-deformed opening sentence of the novel in question should be sent to oblivion with dispatch, along with any trace of its ever having been written. But, it is the misuse of language these days to attach labels of "artist" or "author" or any other title to folk aplenty, titles that should have been earned through the process of meritorious, creative achievement. A lump of coal is a far cry from a diamond, although both are composed of the same element, carbon.
Reply
Thursday 01 July
By Ken
Perfectly said Stephen.
Wednesday 30 June
By Rick
Too funny. What a metaphorical connection. I laughed out loud. Molly's right, I suppose it does take a certain level of skill to write in such a fashion.
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By Jennifer Butcher
Good job, mesaman!
Reply
Wednesday 30 June
By JDen1952
How about the worst rodent metaphor song, "Muskrat Love" by The Captain and Tennille?
Reply