Everyone knows watching a truly awful movie is a lot more fun than a pretty good one, especially if you've recently been smoking your K2. So when the Tribeca Film Festival and American Express held a "My Movie Pitch" competition asking aspiring filmmakers to submit a one-minute movie pitch, we went in search of the worst of the worst -- ideas that transcended simply being bad and attained a new level of terribleness.
The winner of the contest gets financing for his or her project, and the opportunity to talcum powder Jim Jarmusch's balls, or something like that. So far, voter turnout has been pretty abysmal so the contest is still anyone's to win.
Now, in the tradition of Votefortheworst.com, we're asking that you pick one of these pitches for us to champion in the hope of forcing the folks at Tribeca to put its funds behind a gem like "Gesundheit" (about a world where sneezing can kill you) or "Stuff Blow Up" (what more do you need to know?).
Keep reading to see the pitches and then vote. When the votes are in, we'll launch an Internet campaign to help your favorite terrible movie idea win the whole shebang.
| "Gesundheit" | |
|---|---|
| The Stevie Starr documentary | |
| Esau's movie | |
| "The Waterhands" | |
| "Stuff Blow Up" | |
| "The Awesome Adventures of Mr. Stache" | |
| "Contractor Hell" |
We guess "Gesundheit" couldn't be any worse than "One Missed Call."
This guy's expression at 0:12 will haunt our dreams for years.
This swarthy fellow should probably have considered investing a little more time in developing his story and less in finding tropical locales to shoot his pitch in.
This guy talks about coming up with "The Waterhands" with his sister "in the summer of '93," meaning he must have been at least in his mid-30s when he came up with this winner.
(Note: the video was removed from YouTube after this article was published)
This dapper young chap should forget the art house snobs at Tribeca; you're meant for Hollywood, babe. Pitch this out in La La Land and you'll have Michael Bay and Brett Ratner in a bidding war.
We have a feeling that this auteur is totally just f**king with the contest. But we like to pretend that he's serious, because it makes it that much funnier.
This one is a slow-burner, but totally worth the time investment. If you watch closely you can see the cat blinking out "HELP" in Morse code.
P.S. If you're one of these filmmakers, please don't hunt us down and kill us. We've had worse ideas, we promise. The only difference is we were smart enough not to put them on YouTube.


























The Richest Woman in the World: How Gina Rinehart Earns her Billions
Preserve Your Budget by Freezing Foods -- Savings Experiment
'American Idol' Changes Record Contract Policy: Runner-Up No Longer Guaranteed Major Bucks
First Woman To Command A Warship In Royal Navy History
America's 10 Highest-Paid CEOs of 2011 (and How They Earned It)
Samsung Galaxy S III review
Grieving Pit Bull Refused to Leave Dead Companion's Side
It's Legal To Shoot And Kill Animal Poachers, Indian State Orders
Country Star Yearbook Pics
Greg Allman Engaged to Woman 40 Years His Junior







Comments:
Add a comment
Thursday 01 July
By Carney
Um, "Stuff Blow Up" looks awfully familiar.
Google "George Takei Etrade" and you'll see a clever ad, based on the idea of an investor seeing a promo for a hugely expensive upcoming movie that will probably bankrupt the studio.
Reply
Thursday 01 July
By Emily
It's not as good as "The Waterhands" anyway.
Thursday 01 July
By jeff dugan
Why doesn't Esau make that film and sell it to the pharmaceutical industry as a vomit inducer?
Reply
Thursday 01 July
By jeff dugan
Perhaps my throwing a tricycle at Esau's face could help us both.
Reply
Friday 02 July
By Timothy
Well I'm certainly relieved to see that the worst you could come up with for me was that I'm in my mid-30's. You know, I hear Clint Eastwood just turned 80, and Scorsese is pushing 70. You must really think they suck then.
Reply
Friday 02 July
By Cassandra
I think the guy with the lounge lizard suit looks like my uncle at a wedding back in the 70's. Do they still sell that garb? You have to admit, it is creative.
Reply
Friday 02 July
By Mr. Stache
WHOA! The Mr. Stache video is mine! Awesome hahaha! I am actually honored to be on this website! I hope I win although it doesn't look like I'm going to. Oh well. Thanks guys!!!!
Reply
Saturday 03 July
By Stevie Starr
Thanks babes for the honor. Just goes to show that you dont kneed a ged to make it in show biz
Reply
Saturday 03 July
By Cassandra
Way to go Stevie. I'm rooting for you.
Saturday 03 July
By TammyTurnip
I used two metrics: The visual presentation, and then the story idea itself. Gesundheit was hands down the worst story idea; silly on the face of it, and extremely derivitive of other ideas, such as 28 days later and 12 Monkeys. If he'd called it "100 Sneezes" and made it a comedy, he might've had something. Visually, it was unimaginative.
Esau's Pitch and Waterhands were actually marketable stories, if derivative, but the visuals turned both into jokes.
My favorite was Stuff Blow Up. Give that guy some dough!
Reply
Saturday 03 July
By Cassandra
Way to go Stevie....I'm rooting for you....
Reply
Saturday 03 July
By Fuzzynormal
I'm pretty sure "The Mustache" one was pitch of an actual French movie from 2005.
And yeah, it was about as good as the pitch presented here.
Reply
Sunday 04 July
By John
Gesundheit sounds completely plausible as a Hollywood offering. I assume that the climactic scene will involve repeated use of the 'enhance' command on the sneezologist's computer.
Reply
Monday 05 July
By Sparky
I went with Gesundheit. I think the plot could be pretty interesting. Trying to figure out why people are dying will make for a tight thriller, but the end being the extinction of humanity, with no hope for survival will be a devastating twist, which just haunts the viewer as he leaves the theater.
Blow stuff up was a close second, but I think the creator's refusal to deal with spontaneous human combustion was a deal breaker.
A couple were better suited as T.V. shows, such as Waterhands and Contractor Hell.
Reply
Tuesday 13 July
By impoliduh
really? gesundheidt? that sounds way too "the happening" inspired and sounds like it will just overall be lacking a decent story. again sounds like its just gunna follow the guidelines of the happening in the sense the entire movie is retardedly spent watching people "we has no idearrrrrrrrr why we is dieingggggg arghh"
Tuesday 06 July
By Snorky
I know things have gotten rough for Dennis Miller, but why did he resort to creating this Stevie Starr persona?
Reply
Tuesday 06 July
By Stevie Starr
Because when you're on fire in showbiz---like me Stevie Starr--- everyone tries to steal your act baby, even someone like Denny
Miller.
Tuesday 06 July
By Cassandra
I have viewed the entries again and although they all have merit and are very creative, my vote goes to the lounge lizard. His clip is more of a comedy that could possibly become a sitcom. If this guy is for real, I can only imagine what his family is like.
Reply
Wednesday 07 July
By Stevie Starr
Thanks sweet cheeks for the lovefest.
Youre not one of em celebrity stalkers, are you?
No, you cant be if dig a showbiz hottie like me.
Love you, babe!!!!Stevie Starr
Sunday 11 July
By allanholly
I think we should put them all together and watch the real fun begin behind the scenes:)
Reply