As you may have heard, prankmaster and Friend of Asylum Olivia Munn recently wrote a book called "Suck It, Wonder Woman." You can buy it, today! To celebrate, we're printing the very best sex advice from the Hollywood Geek herself. As that great twentieth-century thinker, George Michael, once so eloquently put it: Sex is natural and sex is good. True. But may I be so bold as to add: Sex, great sex, can be very hard to have. But, yes, it is natural and good and with a few pointers, you too could make it GREAT. So that is why I would like to now offer a few ideas for how to make it less weird, even more fun, and occur way more often. Unlike most sexual encounters, I don't think you'll be disappointed by my advice.
1. Wrap It Up, We'll Take It
Everyone always dribbles before they shoot, so make sure to wrap it up. Translation: Do not have sex without a condom. Even if you plan on pulling out, a few drops of your man-juice can spill out before you do and then, just like magic, it's kid time! Sure they can be cute, but it's so not worth it.
Yes, guys will say that you can't feel anything with a condom, or they want to raw-dog it because it makes them feel closer to their girlfriend. But let me reiterate: No matter how good the sex is, even if she is Gisele Body-by-God Bundchen, it's not good enough to pay child support (roughly 30 percent of your income) for eighteen years. So wrap it up!
Also, if you get an STD, you're marked for life. Herpes, genital warts, AIDS (AIDS!), hepatitis -- that sh**'s for life. Sex, on the other hand, is just for two minutes!
2. Listen to Your Lover (or Babe, Sweetie Cakes, Hot Rod, Honey, Dancing Queen, Dairy Queen, etc.)
If she tells you she likes it when you bite her neck -- do it! It doesn't matter where she learned that she likes it or why she does, just be thankful you got the tip. Girls don't always express what they want, so when she does say it, you really want to make sure you are paying attention.
3. Get Down and Dirty OK, I know a lot of people have a hard time talking dirty -- they don't know what to say, how to start, or when to end it. Also, at first they will think they sound ridiculous. And they might. But let me just say that talking dirty is so important in sex. And it's pretty easy. To wit: Establish from the very beginning that you like this. And trust me, you want to do it early on. Because if you wait too long to introduce the concept, your Special Lady Friend will be a little thrown and might not take you seriously.
Think of it as a hat. If you never, ever wear a hat and one day you try to rock a fedora with a feather, all of your friends will be like, "Dude, why are you wearing a f**king fedora with a f**king feather?" You'll feel insecure and never wear it again. Now imagine that scenario, but in bed with your hardened d*ck out and it's your girlfriend saying, "Dude, why the f**k are you talking like that?" Not good.
So, how do you start? I think a simple text message from the beginning of the relationship is perfect. Send a text that says, "Hey, I wish I was inside you right now." [Ed. Note: Do not send texts like this if you are thinking of running for public office, or text only from one of those Go-Mobile pay-as-you-go phones.] It's specific enough and kinda dirty, but not degrading. She'll get excited that you're thinking of her and so turned on with the text that she'll engage in your sex-text conversation.
Now here's the best way to talk dirty. Forget everything you've seen in porn (and, yeah, everyone knows about your porn habit) -- that doesn't work for girls. It's simple. Just describe what you want to do to her. Whatever you do, just be very descriptive. When you're taking her clothes off, tell her that you've been thinking about being inside her all day. Describe how it feels for you, how you want it to feel for her. Then pray to God it hasn't happened in your pants already so she can rip them off you.
4. The Art of Seduction
Lord knows it ain't easy keeping the love alive, but there are ways to do it that don't involve Cosmo magazine or duct tape. First off, always switch it up. That doesn't mean you have to dress like a perverted pirate and drop down from the ceiling. It just has to feel fresh. Like the moment she opens the door, grab her, shut the door and have your way with her right there in the foyer. Just that little moment will keep things exciting.

Or make a pact that you won't have sex for a week. (What? A week is a long time!) The buildup will be so intense that you will both, inevitably, break the pact, but the sex will be amazing and you'll feel closer, having broken the rules together. And this is a tad more ambitious, but totally worth the effort: If you are driving by yourself and see a place that looks great for f**king -- a clearing in the woods, a roadside waterbed, etc. -- remember it, then drive back by with her in the car.
Pretend like you just thought of it and tell her you want to have sex in that open house ... but only if you can afford the mortgage because there's a good chance she won't want to leave! In which case, don't forget to have your mail forwarded and the cable disconnected back at the old pad.
Excerpted from "Suck It, Wonder Woman! The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek," by Olivia Munn with Mac Montandon (published by St. Martin's Press). ©2010 by Olivia Munn with Mac Montandon. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.
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Comments:
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Tuesday 06 July
By zk
was that supposed to be informative? Seemed pretty basic and an excuse to show pictures of the author. (as pretty as she is, it seems to me that Asylum is smarter than that.)
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Tuesday 06 July
By Brian (PC gamer extraordinaire)
"
Also, if you get an STD, you're marked for life. Herpes, genital warts, AIDS (AIDS!), hepatitis -- that sh**'s for life. Sex, on the other hand, is just for two minutes! "
only two minutes?
god, i feel sorry for her if that all she is getting.
Reply
Tuesday 06 July
By Jon
Olivia Munn! I would like to believe that she is an intelligent woman, but this image she portrays on G4 is the "Hot Techie" but she doesn't know squat about games, or tech. I don't blame her for trying to become a star she has acquired a few small roles in movies like Iron Man 2, and Date Night and in others as well.
Olivia I believe is just working at the wrong place "G4". Maybe she should stick to modeling because she shows off her body any given chance. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable with your body. And as far as this book goes I agree with the previous posts this is not anything that guys and gals don't already know. I guess she wanted to share things from her perspective.
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Tuesday 06 July
By iris
Actually, if you've ever watched her on G$, you'd notice she's not that smart. I hate saying it, i like her, she's pretty, wayy prettier then i am, but she seems to have misplaced her brain. most the time, on AOTS shes standing around looking for her next line and waiting for Que as if she has to be told what to do. She acts as tho she cant for the life of her make a joke on a whim. I don't really want to get this book becuz i know it's just sex fluff and I really wish she'd make something a bit more inciteful. She shouldn't become just another pretty face :( (if you think shes smart follow her on twitter. you'd be surprised)
Tuesday 06 July
By amber
she was in iron man for under 30 seconds doing what she does every day on aots/tds and that is reading a teleprompter in front of a green-screen and another 30 seconds and 8 words later in date night as a hostess,they could pull a woman off the street and have her play that "role". they might as well give her a version of "my life on the d-list".
Tuesday 06 July
By Brandon
You know, its great when people start making comments about others not knowing anything about how the business works. Olivia has said many different times that she battles with her bosses, the people who are in charge of whats put out there so that shes not more exposed than she is now. She doesn't like being known as just some flashy piece of meat. People have to understand that in order to get somewhere, you have to do somethings. At least she didn't pose *Naked for playboy. She has a job, and she does what she has to do and has fun with it. She's a very intelligent individual who has gone through a lot, and though some of you may not see it, there are a plethora of people out there who would agree with me.
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Wednesday 07 July
By lividmonky
Yeah, there are a lot of haters out there. She's not the geekiest of the geeks, but she's good about poking fun at herself. I'm sure she was hired for her looks and wit more than her geek factor. But, I still like her. She makes me laugh and she's hot. What more do you need?
Thursday 08 July
By Nateb123
God some guys are such pussies. Stop making excuses for a vacant, unimpressive person. She can't even smile genuinely. She just looks disinterested so insecure geeks think she's semi-confident. She's got the personality of a cobblestone.
Tuesday 06 July
By amber
anyone can read the same "tips" in cosmo at the checkout counter for free. Between her racist remarks (justifying her holocaust jokes by saying she dated a Jewish man and "blacks"),insults towards women( any woman who doesn't like her is a fatass who needs to get off her computer and get laid,or in her recent blog needs to "walk it off bitch"),victim playing,(playboy/her book cover photographer have all suddenly "forced her" into sexual photos she never wanted to do and made her uncomfortable). She is nothing but excuses and flip-flopping stories, I think it's a case of who she portrayed herself to be in the past is coming back to bite her and now she is trying to do a 180.
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Tuesday 06 July
By Artsypooh
@zk, I get it. You're a sexpert who knows everything.
But I tell you, that was some of the best sex advice I've ever seen in ages. No it isn't basic -- most guys tend to behave like sex zombies who do the same things again and again.
Now if your secret purpose was to try to impress Olivia in order to get her to try you out, I'm sorry but it ain't working. You're just coming off as being insecure about your sexual performance. And insecurity ain't sexy.
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Tuesday 06 July
By KINGO'brienLKW
I'll RECORD ME ON MY MP3.. WELL YOU KNOW ME
Reply
Tuesday 06 July
By KINGO'brienLKW
OH YEaa Happy Brtdaeey
Reply
Wednesday 07 July
By Baby. Blanka
I don't always agree with Olivia's Statements (or actions) but I do think it's great that she is bringing a feminine presence into a male dominated arena. She could be a little more... demure or classy about it. But it's who she is. She's cool in my book.
And for the all the guys who think her sex advice is pretty simple... there are still millions out there that have no idea what she's talking about.
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Monday 12 July
By tabularasa4815
Being a girl in a male dominated area, its the easy route to give them what they want by acting like a dumb slut, she's only making it more male dominated by allowing them to put her in those positions. To back up your statement she should be showing how strong and intelligent women can be, like I know she can be, instead of just a playtoy to the men by deep-throating hot-dogs while riding on a tricycle or jumping into a pie dressed like a french-maid.
Wednesday 07 July
By ian
I hope tht there is more sexy yukalaylee playing to come.
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Wednesday 04 August
By xCaitieBabie
Yes let's take tips from the queen of faking it. Why does she work for G4 when she doesn't even like video games?
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Wednesday 07 July
By Jesse
Hey, it isn't always bad to have a baby! What if you and your wife want a child!? Procreation sex isn't bad, in fact, it can be fantastic! I have two kids, and the first one was NOT planned, yet, it worked out wonderfully. Though, you should use a condom, just because I was lucky to be my wife doesn't mean you will be.
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Thursday 08 July
By ben
all this negativity makes me almost feel bad about getting a BONER reading some of it.
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Wednesday 14 July
By nodevout
pretty obvious but then again these are guys we are talking about. Forget the sex texting. Big no no. If you are going to go for it, be more subtle like, "I wanna rip your clothes off and c u nekkid" and then add a lot of XOXOXOX after. Not "I wann be inside you" cuz then she's gonna think all u want her is for her body. LOL
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Friday 16 July
By J
OK, I texted Olivia about how I want to be inside her
Now what
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