Attention, Brooklynites: Some English git/reporter for the BBC
is trying to ruin all our probably-illegal fun.
First, the British Broadcasting Company exposed an ongoing homemade nuclear reactor project in the borough, and now they've blown the lid off something we really, really wanted to keep secret: our ongoing moonshine operation
According to reports, J. Edgar Hoover–esque police officers are circling the city in hopes of making a big arrest in an illegal distillery
case, much like they did in Georgia, Arkansas and Kentucky last month. But Colonel Vaughn Wilson, who sells the copper stills necessary for moonshine production, laughs in the face of Chief Wiggum and his ilk: "The authorities will never stop moonshine. They are wasting their time trying."
White lightning, hooch, mountain dew -- under any name, it's punishable by up to five years in the slammer, plus fines that you can probably cover in one night of setting up a speakeasy
in your basement.
Keep reading for our not-suggesting-you-actually-do-something-illegal list of ways to make moonshine. You know, for educational purposes.
Asylum's grandpappy once took us to the shed in the back of his Houma, Louisiana
, mansion (i.e., a two-room lean-to shack) to show us his hooch. Thankfully, this was not a euphemism for something and we got our first taste of "likker." (We put that in quotes and spelled it that way because we wouldn't want to insult actual liquor by dragging it down into such muck.)
We caught the bug and have been searching for a proper taste of the devil's brew ever since. To make something like this happen for us, one would need to start with yeast and piles of sugar to feed to the insatiable yeast beast. From there, you'll need to boil some water, bring the temperature down, drop in the yeast, and let the liquid ferment.
But that's just the first step in a two- or three-week process. Another site
suggests getting together corn meal, sugar, yeast, malt and mixing it with water, letting it ferment, heat to 173 degrees, capture the vapors in a tube and let the perspiration settle into the 'shine. Best of all about this recipe is that the mash you didn't even seem to need can be reused for subsequent batches ... assuming anyone survives your first attempt at "likker."