Uncrate, the gear guide for rich and handsome men, brings us its top picks of awesome goods for your shameless consumption. Fill the empty spot where LeBron tore out your heart with these treasures.

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Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

MB&F HM4 Thunderbolt Watch ($TBA)
This titanium-encased beast looks more like a jet on your wrist than a watch, featuring turbine-esque pods of glory.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

Maple Bacon Coffee ($8)
The best part of waking up is ... bacon in your cup.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

Whiskey Barrel BBQ Pit ($950)
Get that whiskey barrel taste all over your ribeyes with this repurposed grill. Like bacon, whiskey makes everything taste better.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

Nike Pure Grip Basketball ($35)
Developed specifically to maximize grip and minimize dirt, this street ball has a tactile pebble pattern and an ionized synthetic leather surface that repels dirt.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

XtremKey ($50 and up)
Available in storage sizes up to 64GB, this hardcore flash drive is pressure, shock, water and weatherproof. And it can withstand the pressure of a 10-ton truck.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

Wenger Traveler Pocket Alarm ($250)
Keep time like your grandpa and wake up with the roosters with this rugged pocket watch.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon LAPV 6.X ($TBA)
Based on the G-Class SUV, this diesel-powered armored patrol vehicle is perfect for plowing through the zombie hordes on your way to the supermarket.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

Bootlegger Mini Liquor Bottle Ankle Concealer ($13)
Sneak moonshine for the whole family into your niece's recital with this around-the-ankle strap.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

'Back to the Future' 25th Anniversary Trilogy ($56)
Great Scott! Has it been 25 years already? All three movies get the Blu-ray and special features treatment this fall.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week

Private Ninja Lessons ($200)
Led by an actual Shidoshi, these lessons teach you everything you need to know to become a silent assassin. Ninja star-training doubtful.

Guy Gear -- Uncrate's Best Stuff of the Week