This Sunday, get your wife, secretary and mistress together for family time, as America tunes in to the "Mad Men" season premiere. The fourth set of new episodes kicks off at 10 p.m. EST on AMC -- the only television network worth subscribing to when HBO is in reruns -- and will probably be celebrated all over newfangled technology like touch-tone phones and tweeting machines.

The best way to avoid the consumerist masses is to slip into your own executive lounges and host a private "Mad Men" theme party.

Mad Men

You'll of course need some friends, as well as the proper costuming, mixers, imposing conference room tables (to sit at the head of and terrorize lowly "employees") and the requisite divorce papers.

We're having our very own "Mad Men" viewing party on Sunday night, but sadly, only sexy secretaries are invited. Keep reading for some tips for throwing your shindig.

Get Yourself a Vintage Suit
Sorry, the one you wore to the senior prom doesn't count. Pick up and dry clean a cheap suit from the vintage store in your neighborhood or Buy It Now and splurge on overnight shipping for one of the legendary Brooks Brothers "Mad Men" suits on eBay (starting at $149 to $199 on average.) Whatever you do, don't go brown -- that color wasn't even cool back in Don Draper's heyday.

Dust Off the Martini Shaker
If your butler is unavailable because he stole your marketing secrets and started his own company, you're going to have to mix these drinks yourself. Unfortunately, the AMC page that calls itself a Cocktail Guide to the show is basically unhelpful -- Bloody Marys? Gibson martinis? A mint julep? Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Luckily, the website Celebrations has a "Mad Men" drinking guide based on drinks the characters actually guzzle, such as the Tom Collins (Betty Draper's go-to beverage), Campari (Salvatore's choice) and scotchy scotchy scotch, which we all know Don uses to drown his sorrows. Best of all, it actually includes the recipes, since you've never made your own drink in your life.


Appetizing Foreplay Food
Nothing gets the office gossip mill churning like some appetizing finger food. Get your guests frothing at the mouth for dinner and you'll have them babbling secrets in no time.

Surprisingly, it's Oprah who comes to the rescue with the best ideas for these hors d'oeuvres: from a shrimp cocktail recipe that involves an orgy of vodka to delicious lamb kebabs to the surefire success in white-winter crudités, which go down smashingly with booze. Hell, we might even show up at your party if you take her up on the deviled egg suggestion.

Bring On the Dancing Girls
Send the womenfolk off to bed and schedule a "late-night board meeting" involving some sexy burlesque girls. It's the only proper way to cap off a "Mad Men" viewing party, especially because your wad of $1 bills seems like a lot in this 1960s time warp.