The white knight's horse lost its balls. The guy playing one of the pawns is wearing an open button-down top and no undershirt. One of the rooks has had too much to drink beforehand and is staggering into another player's square.

These and more images were taken from what we can safely describe as the First Annual Human Chess-to-the-Death Match in Greenpoint. Organizers Santo Tolone and Douglas Paulson probably got tired of waiting for all the park hobos to finish their games of plastic chess and decided to take matters into their own hands, staging a two-hour battle with their friends playing the part of the pieces.

32 nerds came to Dougherty Park for the School of the Future's random event, which saw two-time Milano Chess Invitational champ Tolone lose in a stunning upset to the Flux Factory's Paulson.

The exact moves will be debated by chess scholars for decades, although their bizarre language is indecipherable to us. All we can tell you is there were "dance moves, cussing, war cries, face-painting," breaks for drinking and schmoozing, and eventually, someone cranked up a stereo system and the whole board broke into a dance party.

According to the Brooklyn Paper, the only rag brave/geeky enough to cover the event in person, the event's highlight was its first kill, Paulson's pawn to Tolone's knight, with an announcer drolly intoning, "Let's take this moment to reflect on the history of feudalism" as an undertaker character literally tossed the defeated knight from the makeshift board. Take that, dork.