Society has pushed you too far and you have turned to a life of crime. You want a cool bad-guy name like "Shadow Nightmare" or "The Spine Chipper." The only problem is you don't choose your dastardly moniker ... the media does.

And you better hope they aren't having a bad creative day, because they can get downright lazy when naming criminals.

Take, for instance, this man, who chose to wear a button-down shirt while making tellers at a Key Bank in Fort Collins, Colo., pee their pants. This earned him the extremely lame criminal nickname of the Button-Down-Shirt Bandit.

Keep reading for more evildoers stuck with yawn-inducing nicknames.

The Ho-Hum Bandit
Fashion is key in a heist. Do you wear a Reagan mask? Maybe a hint of mental problems is in order and you want to go with pantyhose over the face? The Ho-Hum Bandit decided that a bank robbery is not so different from a casual Friday.

This leisurely evildoer wears blue jeans, a polo shirt and white shoes during his plundering. The Ho-Hum Bandit does decide to mix it up sometimes and wears sunglasses, giving us a glimpse into his dark and twisted nature.


The Geezer Bandit
Imagine for a second that you are a bank teller. An old man approaches your window and strangely doesn't have a giant bucket of pennies. One of his liver-spotted hands slides you a robbery note. In his other shaky old paw you notice a loaded pistol.

The suspect, named the Geezer Bandit, has brought this brand of wrinkly crime to Southern California. No one knows whether he is in over his head at the bingo hall or if a rise in the cost of Metamucil has pushed this senior over the edge.


The Brokeback Bandit
Brokeback Mountain has changed how society feels about the cowboy hat. Wearing one can cause complete strangers to emotionally shout "I can't quit you!!" at you from across the street

The Brokeback Bandit donned a cowboy hat for a bank heist and ended up with his lame robber name. He was later caught by authorities while cruisin' around in a limo.
The Limping Bandit
A limp is a terrible thing for a robber to have, since running can sometimes come into play during a bank job. It can also land you with an overtly lame robber name like the Limping Bandit.

Though this criminal has limped his way through 17 armed robberies! He's also kind of ginger ... which is probably why he turned his back on society.
The Waddling Bandit
Fat people have to eat. And when they're broke, sometimes they rob banks. A 62-year-old tubby man named Dante Dapolonia is the prime suspect in the multiple bank robberies of "The Waddling Bandit."

He earned the nickname by waddling up to a teller and slidin' a hold-up note across the counter. Perhaps cops caught the poor, fat bastard by leaving a chocolate chip cookie trail to the police station.
The Cell Phone Bandit
Talking on your cell phone at the bank is rude ... especially when you happen to be cleanin' that sucker out. Candace Rose Martinez did just that and was dubbed the Cell Phone Bandit.

She cashed in at several banks in northern Virginia and earned 12 years. Now the only person she talks to is her cellmate.
The Fishing Hat Bandit
John Whitrock is another criminal who was named after his choice of headgear. Often wearing a floppy Gilligan-like fisherman hat, he managed to take $87,000 over his 21 bank heists. The FBI showed up one day and promptly told him to take off his dumb hat.
The Chia Pet Bandit
Ridiculous hairstyles can stamp your public persona with a lame robber name just as easily as an unfortunate hat. The Chia Pet Bandit earned his nickname because of his idiotic spiky hair.

Police are left with no suspects since there are thousands of jerks out there who still think this hairdo looks cool.
The Sleeves Bandit
Wearing fake tattoo sleeves while performing an armed robbery will make your wanted poster appear with the severely lackluster robber name the Sleeves Bandit. With a prior charge of bank robberies in the '90s, 54-year-old Michael Koselka thought fake tattoos were the key to success

Turns out they weren't. Now Mr. Koselka gets REAL tattoos against his will when he refuses to give up his cigarettes.

The lesson to take away here is to make sure you don't wear, do or say anything during a robbery that will allow for the media to give you a lame robber name. Or, we guess, just don't rob people. But that seems like a lot to ask.