He's a fan of beautiful vistas, golf and preppy clothes. He hates condoms. He prefers strippers, skankbags and girls with bizarre names. So, Tiger Woods is sure to have a great time in New York City.

According to a disturbing rumor in US Weekly, the wood of Tiger will be seen chasing Carrie Bradshaw wannabes around Manhattan for the foreseeable future. The gossip rag quotes an unidentified neighbor of Woods in the downtown area, claiming the golfer introduced himself and said he'd be sticking around ... and sticking it to any girlfriends the man might bring around.

Woods has been laying low since his split with Elin Nordegren, playing golf in Jersey this week and only ordering three hookers from Bada Bing! (instead of his customary four).

All kidding aside, we do have some hot tips for him to get the most out of his New York experience. Keep reading for our recommended list of activities for Tiger's wood.

-- The Standard Hotel: If the paparazzi get wind of his current whereabouts and stake out his new pad, he should abscond to the Standard Hotel, which made headlines last year for all the pornos and sex against very thin windows. If Tiger is looking for no-strings-attached boinking, this would be the place to do it ... although he might want to close the curtains unless he wants tourists filming his sex tape from the High Line.

-- The Museum of Sex: Coincidentally, America's most bonerific museum is currently running an exhibit it describes as "a fun, functional and fundamental look at the history and progression of the condom ... Influencing everything from science to art to politics and religion, the condom, which has remained at the epicenter of debate since its inception." So, that's what that Leonardo DiCaprio movie was all about ...

-- Scores NY: Nevermind. He's probably already been there. Twice.

-- The subway: With his 20 bajillion dollars, ability to seduce seemingly any woman he wants and a sheltered existence involving country clubs, lifeless endorsement work and a horrible attitude about it all, slumming it with fine "real Americans" could help him get some perspective ... and maybe he'll fall in love with this city for all the right reasons.