Rich Will Wanket -- it sounds like the name of a comic book character or the guy you gave an atomic wedgie to in third grade. But he's a real person, according to a masturbation-pun-filled ad he published in -- of all things -- The Onion, which is now getting picked up by publications all over America.

Wanket, who says he will provide his birth certificate if you dispute claims about his name, is a real estate agent in Minneapolis and eager to get his name out there.

In a sticky economy where no one's buying and new construction has stalled, this wanker has the perfect gimmick: use his porn-ready name to attract attention.

His slogan? The one that ended up getting him banned from the real estate group representing him when he was just starting out? "It's all Real Estate Masturbation if your agent isn't doing the work necessary to help you buy or sell your home."

Keep reading for the ad in all its hilarious, euphemistic glory, complete with more masturbation jokes.

Wanket told the Minneapolis City Pages that he's been deluged with phone calls since the ad started running. "Not all of them have been from people who want to buy or sell a house, but that's not really the point. I just wanted to get my name out there."

He succeeded -- why not (crank) call him later to congratulate him? Just try not to call after midnight, when he'll probably be, uh, wanking it.