Much like trips to the proctologist, I'm somewhat distressed in announcing that The American Mustache Institute faculty and administration will shave their mustaches for the first time since Richard Nixon was in office.

At least it is for a worthy cause. The organization's leaders will do this on Nov. 1 as part of Movember, the charitable mustache-growing campaign benefiting the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LIVESTRONG.

AMI is encouraging men and women to join the AMI Movember Team and attend 'Stache Bash 2010 on Dec. 4, an event which features film director Morgan Spurlock, music by the Flavor Savers and Hazard to Ya Booty, as well as the crowning of the "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year."



To drive the point home, my longtime colleague, AMI chairman Dr. Aaron Perlut, will not only have his mustache shaved live on KTVI FOX-2, St. Louis's morning news (by former Mustached American newsman John Pertzborn), he will broadly encourage flavor-saving genocide within the Mustached American community.

He will do this, of course, in spite of direct biblical decree from the Dead Sea Scrolls and implied language in the Books of Mormon and Leviticus stating that "each time a mustache is shaved, an angel in heaven dies and falls to Earth."

"Yes, it's true," Dr. Perlut told a recent delegation of homeless dwarfs in a military hospital. "Our full 48-member staff will shave on Nov. 1, and we are encouraging the same from the entire Mustached American community, so that we can replenish our lower-nose foliage in order to raise funds through Movember for the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LIVESTRONG."

Distressing indeed, but the savoring of flavors will continue ... somehow, some way.