Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert.

With one week left to vote for the "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" award, the finalists are beating the streets, kissing babies, talking to church groups, beheading dwarfs and staking out their turf in a cutthroat effort to claim the most important award in the Mustached American community.

Voting closes on Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 25. The winner will be crowned at 'Stache Bash 2010, a charitable benefit for Movember, on Dec. 4 at Mike Shannon's Outfield.

Keep reading to find out the current standings.



1. Orlando-area firefighter Brian Sheets (pictured)
2. Minnesota Twins pitcher Carl Pavano
3. Washington Post columnist Gene Weingarten
4. Hartford-based syndicated columnist Jerry Zezima
5. Cancer-fighting chiropractor Dr. Lou Jacobs of Portland, Maine

But the race remains tight, with tremendous parity in this year's voting campaign. Performer Brandon Wardell, currently in sixth place, is fewer than 100 votes behind Jacobs; Chicago Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville, presently in 10th place, is just 1,000 votes out of the top five.

Go have your say by voting for this year's "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" award and come see the winner crowned at 'Stache Bash 2010.

By the way, don't forget -- tomorrow is "Have Sex With a Guy With a Mustache Day."


For Dr. Abraham J. Froman's mustache perspective, check in every Wednesday on Asylum.