The ironic tee, the ill-fitting chambray, or that favorite plaid shirt you haven't washed since Bush was in office -- nothing sends a message quite as loudly and clearly as your shirt. To help guide your decisions about your tees, button-downs and whatever else you decide to drape across your moobs, here's a little guide to understanding what your shirt says about you.

Joystick Junkies Pimp Junkie Tee
You aren't afraid to embrace your inner geek. We all know the sartorial signifiers of geekdom: a shirt slogan that conveys the depth of your interests rather than stylistic flair, and a scent that suggests these interests are generally solitary, bedroom-based pursuits. Joystick Junkies' arcade-themed tees offer a witty, self-referential take on the nerd archetype. Cheetos crumbs optional. ($35 from Joystick Junkies)


Custom-Fit Winter Racing Polo
You're a member of a minor European royal family. You spend your summers topping up your tan on private Côte d'Azur beaches, blasting bad house music from the stereo your vintage sports car and seducing the girlfriends of unwitting American college-goers on Eurail. ($125 from Ralph Lauren)

Vintage Metallica Tee
You're a true, vintage connoisseur. You scour thrift stores for the perfect expression of your dedication, style and impeccable music taste. Failing that Holy Grail find, you're willing to shell out big bucks for an elegantly threadbare specimen like this. You hate that your mom threw out that original Iron Maiden tour top you had when you were 12. You hate even more that people think your shirt is a reprint you bought at Urban Outfitters for 20 bucks. ($68 from Scout)
Twin Tipped Fred Perry Shirt
You know your way around British pop culture. The classic Fred Perry polo has been a U.K. youth tribe staple since the '60s: from mods to skins, Two-Tone to Britpop. Whether you cruise down Main Street in full soccer-hooligan-chic (suspenders, Doc Martens and "Millwall FC" tattoo) or simply know your Fierce Panda from your Postcard Records, the laurel wreath logo is a badge of transatlantic rock n' roll friendship. ($50 from Fred Perry)
"Hangover" Carlos Tee
You really love "The Hangover." You hope some of that film's booze-and-bros-based hilarity will rub off on you. The French call this kind of double-take-inducing imagery trompe l'oeil, meaning "to trick the eye." The real trompe will be convincing yourself the shirt is still funny the second time you wear it. ($24 from Urban Outfitters)
Tung Button Down
You work on Wall Street. Unlike giant cell phones and ostentatious suspenders, the striped-shirt-body/block-color-collar combo has remained beloved of banker types since the "greed is good" '80s. We're not sure why. Perhaps it's just another way of showing how rich you are, unlike the poor slobs who can only afford one type of pattern on their button-downs. ($298 from Farfetch)
Tankfarm Cody Long-Sleeve Woven Western Plaid Shirt
You write a blog. You own a fixed gear bike. You live in Brooklyn. You're thinking of growing a beard. You've got tickets to next week's secret Animal Collective show. You drink PBR. You have a graphic design degree, but you work in a coffee shop. Your roommate is DJ-ing at an art opening tomorrow night -- wanna come? And you've never ridden a horse. ($61 from Revolve Clothing)