Jan 5th 2011 By Laura Leu
We know what you're thinking: Dolls are for girls.
And we tend to agree (with certain exceptions
). Still, there's something to be said about a girly plaything that's inadvertently creepy as hell. And that something is "I need to get one of those for my asshole of a niece/sister/daughter." So, behold the most disturbing dolls in toy land; order one today for that special little girl you want to make cry!
MamAmor Birthing Doll
Because every kid loves playing with crocheted placentas, this handmade doll demonstrates the miracle of birth -- from the baby's crowning head to the first breast-feeding. Replace Junior's image of a friendly baby-delivering stork with one of mommy, smile plastered on her face, as she squeezes a kid out the elastic hole between her legs and then snaps its face to her teat. Childbirth: fun!
Keep reading for more dolls that make Chucky seem downright cuddly.
These dolls aren't actually alive, but they sure do crap like they are
. Also like a real baby, they eat, sleep, cry and say things like "I love you, Mommy" and "I made a stinky." Unlike a real baby, they won't shut up when you throw them down the stairs.
This doll maker probably had good intentions when she created "Sweetie
" and "Romeo
," two lonely kids looking for love. But Sweetie looks like she has that disease where babies age super-fast and resemble Yoda by age 10, and Romeo appears to suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and some serious saddlebags.
"Inez" Senior Citizen Doll
Old people are creepy enough as is. But an old-person doll with unblinking eyes and jowls as puffy as her square-dancing petticoat is just plain wrong. What's next in scary elderly toy mashups, a teddy bear with Andy Rooney
We don't know what's more terrifying: owning a real monkey that goes nuts and eats off your face
, or owning a monkey doll that ... is this monkey doll.