Jan 14th 2011 By Laura Leu
Animals -- we've celebrated the deformed
, the ugly
, the masturbatory
, and we now present you with the amputated. Because whatever an animal loses in limbs, it gains in awesomeness. Sometimes in the form of a really sweet prosthetic device.
So, brace yourself and read on to see the bionic mammals who prove that technology and pets are an incredible combination. Unless you're talking about putting kittens in microwaves. That's just not cool, you sociopath.
Meadow lost her hooves to frostbite when she was 1 year old and became the first bovine to be fitted with two artificial legs
. The state-of-the-art prostheses can be adjusted to grow with her, although they're terribly tough as veal shanks.
When a stork in Saxony, Germany, lost its leg
flying into a telephone wire, the town came to the rescue and raised $1,500 in funds so that specialists could create a prosthesis for it. Meanwhile, a homeless man in Saxony just pulled a half-eaten sandwich out of the garbage. But, yeah, this bird's fake leg was totally worthy of charity.
Slow and steady doesn't win the race. You know what does? A turtle with motherfricking wheels
! Tzivka the Israeli turtle was outfitted with a set of tires when her back legs became paralyzed after an unfortunate run-in with a lawnmower. Now it's only a matter of time before someone exploits her handicap in the seedy world of bar turtle-racing
We've heard of rubbers and dolphins mixing
once before, but this time, the happy ending has nothing to do with ejaculation. Engineers at Bridgestone Tire Company designed a rubber prosthetic tail fin for Fuji
, a dolphin at the Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium in Japan who had lost her flipper to disease. It took multiple attempts before they created a tail that worked for Fuji, and now she's enjoying the freedom to swim in isolating captivity.
Five years ago, a poacher in Alaska pulled an Amy Fisher and shot off the face of a bald eagle
. Rescuers found the beakless bird, nursed her back to health and (ironically?) named her Beauty. Since you DO NOT mess with the avian symbol of America, engineers spent over 200 hours creating the nylon-composite beak that Beauty is sporting today. See if you can spot the difference between the before and after photos:
A cat named Oscar received two bionic peg legs
after a combine tractor mistook his hind limbs for wheat crop and harvested them right off his body. Vets drilled holes into Oscar's stumps and attached special metal implants that his hair would eventually grow over and become part of his body. They also planned to replace the peg with more "real-looking" paws ... for a Kitty Terminator.