ASYLUM - For all mankind

PinpointsX is a smartphone app that cures loneliness. The app uses the GPS in your cell phone, plus your membership to its Web site, to find you some hot, local action. (You know, "people who want to have a good time," which is a nice way of saying "people who want to have sex for money.")

It's free to join, but you have to answer lots of very specific questions about your turn-ons. (Honestly, our lives were better before we were forced to admit to ours.) Once you log in you'll see a "Fling Map" with all the fine ladies who might be in the area, along with the hours they're working their particular street corner.

We're hoping the next version of PinpointsX has a map to show the nearest STD clinics.

If you're looking for a special way to exchange wedding vows and don't mind the risk of drowning, then look no further than the Trang Underwater Wedding Ceremony in Thailand.

The 14th annual made-for–Valentine's Day event will take place from Feb. 12–14 off Pak Meng Beach in southern Thailand's Trang district. Locals and tourists participate in the event, which consists of a traditional Thai wedding ceremony and signing of a wedding certificate at depths of about 40 feet underwater.

"One or two couples go under the water at a time," the one English-speaking representative from Trang's Chamber of Commerce tells Asylum. "And each pair will spend about five minutes underwater."

Keep reading for more about this bizarre event.

Last week, we explored the best ways to entice women with your dating profile picture. Today, we invited Lemondrop's Julieanne to join Asylum's token girl for some real talk on taking pictures with dogs and the merits of dating a guy with an ankle bracelet.

20 Oddly Sexual Product Names
Guys Go With the Funny Product Name Over the Leading Competitor (CollegeHumor)

Drunken History Lesson
Douglass and Lincoln Starring Will Ferrell and Don Cheadle (FunnyOrDie)
World's Strangest Buildings
Gives New Meaning to "Fun House" (BoredPanda)

This week features a showdown between smart, alluring Amanda and a mechanical cheetah that may not be capable of chasing down a gazelle but will definitely freak out your pets. Which sexy beast is for you: the college student with a geek streak (she knows Batman could beat Superman), or the meticulously crafted Steampunk Cheetah?


Amanda
Pro: You would finally get the chance to visit Iowa.
Con: You would have to visit Iowa.
Pro: She's a gamer, so we know she's into PvP.
Con: Knows all the words to "Cotton-Eye Joe."

Steampunk Cheetah
Pro: Thanks to wheels on its feet, the cheetah can actually be played with ... or used to scare your (house) cat.
Con: It weighs 40 lbs. and could crush a child.
Pro: A work of art, but with steel and electrical conduits instead of paint or marble.
Con: Run the risk of being dubbed "that crazy guy with the metal cat."

Hit the jump for another glimpse at Amanda.

Every man remembers the first time he copped a feel. My first happened in the woods by my house during seventh-grade Christmas break. I felt confident due to the new badass Nirvana T-shirt I wore under my flannel shirt. The breast belonged to Mona, a sultry Mexicana. I thought she looked like a Fly Girl dancer on "In Living Color."

Paler than the rest of her coffee skin, her breasts glowed angelically. They were the size of grapefruits. Sadly, like grapefruits, they were bittersweet. Mona moved away the next week and didn't even say goodbye.

The first day back school, I looked at my friends gathered around our lunch table and blurted out, "Mona and I did it over break."

It's happened to all of us: You meet a girl. She smiles and flirtatiously looks you in the eye. She plays with her hair, touches your arm and drops every single one of the "I'm interested" signals (which you learned from the how-to-understand-women spam emails you've read).

Then, boom, out of nowhere, she mentions her boyfriend. Or, if you were so in the moment and didn't bother to check her hand, she drops a devastating bomb about a fiance or a husband.

So what's your next move? Do you pull back, or do you move forward and pay no heed to this massive red light? Obviously how drunk you are (and how irresistible she is) will come into play. But we want to survey general parameters. Read on for the pros and cons of each level of home-wrecking.

GOOD has a knack for making the informative fun, and its crash course on the funeral industry is no exception. Our favorite fact: In the U.K., you can have your ashes turned into 250 pencils. That, and many more end-of-life facts on "The Business of Death" ...

The Internet is abuzz today with people wondering about the giant George W. Bush billboard hovering over I-35 near Wyoming, Minn. The billboard features a smiling picture of the former prez with the caption "Miss Me Yet?"

From where did this strange advertisement spring, and what is its intended purpose?

Asylum spoke to Mary Teske from Schubert & Hoey Outdoor Advertising, the agency behind the billboard, and they told us that the sign was rented by a group of small businessmen from the twin cities area, who pooled their money to make the political statement.

Why? The businessmen say they invested in the billboard because they "thought Washington was against them." The billboard has been up for a month and drivers can look forward to enjoying the billboard for at least another month that is already paid up.

The billboard had spurred discussion this week, with some convinced it was a PhotoShop hoax, but its existence was verified by reporter Bob Collins at Minnesota Public Radio, who has been trying to track down the people behind it ever since.

The renters wish to remain anonymous for now, but they say they have been "overwhelmed by the response" and are considering renting more billboards. Suggestions?

Today, the folks at Sports Illustrated have unveiled their Swimsuit Issue cover model as Brooklyn Decker, wife of tennis star Andy Roddick.

The world of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is far more cloak and dagger than you'd ever guess. The issue is kept under wraps until the day before it's released and even the models don't know who's going to be on the cover.

Apparently everyone just shows up at the beach, looks hot for some photos and they get surprised like the rest of us when the magazine hits the stands.

In Brooklyn's case, we're particularly impressed by the accomplishment, since half of her swimsuit isn't even on properly.