Asylum http://www.asylum.com Asylum http://www.asylum.com/media/feedlogo.gif Asylum http://www.asylum.com en-us Copyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Cold Steel Product Demonstrators Demonstrate Art of Winhttp://www.asylum.com/2010/08/23/cold-steel-product-demonstrators-demonstrate-art-of-win/http://www.asylum.com/2010/08/23/cold-steel-product-demonstrators-demonstrate-art-of-win/http://www.asylum.com/2010/08/23/cold-steel-product-demonstrators-demonstrate-art-of-win/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

They may not yet have attained household-name status a la Antoine Dodson, but the barrel-chested, weapon-enthusiastic product demonstrators from Cold Steel Inc. certainly deserve Internet-super-celebrity status.

Just check out their robust endorsement of the Special Forces Throwing Shovel, the Sjambok African Herding Whip/Stick or their latest masterpiece, the Two Handed Great Sword.

You have to respect people who are not only willing to bring a knife to a gunfight, but also back it up with a throwing axe, a war hammer and a cavalry saber. So, pop some popcorn, grab your two-handed Katana Machete and enjoy our collection of some of their best efforts.The Cold Steel Sjambok: This cult classic features the CS crew dominating eggs, wiffle balls, fruits and cardboard cutouts with an African herding whip.



The Bushman Survival Knife: It slices! It dices! It ... converts easily into a spear?


Life on the Edge: A documentary look at swarthy Cold Steel president Lynn Thompson's unflinching worldview.

 

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]]>Cold SteelCold Steel Product DemonstratorsColdSteelColdSteelProductDemonstratorsknivesLynn ThompsonLynnThompsonweaponsChris Connolly2010-08-23T15:00:00+00:00Japanese Sniper Prank Disturbingly Off the Markhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/japanese-sniper-prank-disturbingly-off-the-mark/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/japanese-sniper-prank-disturbingly-off-the-mark/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/japanese-sniper-prank-disturbingly-off-the-mark/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

Judging by what trickles down via the Web, the entire country of Japan is obsessed with the following things: weird candies and sodas (many of which are fish flavored), panties, baffling game shows and, above all else, scaring the crap out of each other with pranks.

Here in the States, if you fabricated a highly realistic and well-choreographed scenario wherein one individual was made to believe his co-workers had just been shot by a sniper -- a sniper who was now hunting him -- that would probably be called kidnapping, or attempted murder. In Japan, it's must-see TV.

This clip is from a show called "Panic Face King," the goal of which is to scare unsuspecting victims to the greatest possible degree. Check out the people in the audience. Never once does anyone seem to question the propriety of actually making a person believe his companions have been killed and that he's next. Check out his "dead" co-workers lying on the floor struggling to contain their laughter as the victim crawls, piteously, on his hands and knees seeking to escape with his life.

Japan, we love you, but we've got an eye on you.


From the Web:
Girlfriend Pranks. (Holy Taco)
13 Unintentionally Scary Movie Scenes. (Maxim)

 

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]]>japanese sniper prankJapaneseSniperPrankpanic face kingPanicFaceKingsniper prankSniperPrankterrifying japanese sniper prankTerrifyingJapaneseSniperPrankChris Connolly2009-10-16T17:15:00+00:00Germans Pronouncing Massachusetts Is Our Favorite New Sporthttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/germans-pronouncing-massachusetts-is-our-favorite-new-sport/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/germans-pronouncing-massachusetts-is-our-favorite-new-sport/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/germans-pronouncing-massachusetts-is-our-favorite-new-sport/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

We can't spell Massachusetts, but at least we can pronounce it. Unlike these Germans, who are utterly flabbergasted when presented with the name of the commonwealth. Who knew watching Germans try to pronounce Massachusetts would be the most amusing thing since The Dudesons? Certainly not us.

 

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]]>germansgermans pronouncing massachusettsGermansPronouncingMassachusettsmassachusettsChris Connolly2009-10-16T13:00:00+00:00Behind the Busta Rhymes Concert Assaulthttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/busta-rhymes-ordered-to-pay-75-000-for-concert-assault/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/busta-rhymes-ordered-to-pay-75-000-for-concert-assault/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/16/busta-rhymes-ordered-to-pay-75-000-for-concert-assault/#commentsFiled under: ,

A Brooklyn court yesterday ordered rapper Busta Rhymes to pay $75,000 to a man he assaulted at a concert. The award was a bit of a win for Rhymes as the plaintiff initially sought $500,000, but this news got us thinking about possible causes of this confrontation. A few ideas:

He stepped up in the place, but did not step correct. Woo ha. He had to be placed in check.

Criticized Rhymes' performance as Jawaan in the seminal 1993 classic "Who's the Man?"

He mistakenly called the rapper Bust A. Rhymes.

He stepped to Busta's main thug Julio, who is moody, yo, and got slapped with the tooli yo, now he fruity, yo.

The victim threw his hands up in the air, but, despite repeated urging, would not wave them like he just didn't care.

Why do you think Busta busted the man in the first place?

 

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]]>busta rhymesbusta rhymes lawsuitBustaRhymesBustaRhymesLawsuitrappersChris Connolly2009-10-16T09:00:00+00:00Nine-Year-Old Scores Greatest Goal in Hockey Historyhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/15/nine-year-old-scores-greatest-goal-in-hockey-history/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/15/nine-year-old-scores-greatest-goal-in-hockey-history/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/15/nine-year-old-scores-greatest-goal-in-hockey-history/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

When we picture a hockey game played by 9-year-olds, it features a lot of falling and absentminded skating in circles. What it does not feature are daring maneuvers like that pulled off with aplomb by 9-year-old Oliver Wahlstrom in Boston yesterday during the TD Bank Mini 1-on-1 competition.

Wahlstrom, son of a 10-year veteran of the Swedish Elite League, plays for the Portland Junior Pirate Pee-Wee Major 97s. Most of his teammates are 12, but Wahlstrom, 9, is allowed to play up. One look at this goal and you'll know why.

P.S.: When you get done marveling at the shot itself, check out the goalkeeper. He hardly moves during the whole lead-up, doesn't even offer at the puck and then looks to the ref like, "What the hell just happened?" We believe the ref responded, "You got served."

 

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]]>amazing hockey goalamazing kidsamazing shotsAmazingHockeyGoalAmazingKidsAmazingShotshockeynine year old hockey goalNineYearOldHockeyGoalChris Connolly2009-10-15T15:45:00+00:00Today's Obvious PSA -- Blackface Is Not OKhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/15/obvious-psa-of-the-day-black-face-is-not-ok/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/15/obvious-psa-of-the-day-black-face-is-not-ok/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/15/obvious-psa-of-the-day-black-face-is-not-ok/#commentsFiled under: ,

Isn't it amazing that every five or six months someone goes and gets the idea that putting on blackface makeup in a public forum is going to be cool and funny? Like these dudes who did it on Australian television in front of Harry Connick Jr.? Or this model who did it in French Vogue. Or this artist who created Black Jesus in Electric Chair. (Wow, now that's pushing a lot of buttons.)

Maybe this just needs to be stated outright. Blackface is never OK.

Blackface is the essential archetype of American racism. And you know what? Shockingly, this even includes your take on blackface.

We know! Amazing, right? Listen, as awesome and funny as your blackface idea seems when you're putting on the makeup, it's going to end up being racist and falling flat and annoying everyone.

You may be a very, very funny person, and we know, you're "totally not racist, bro," but you are also not the Jackie Robinson or the Rosa Parks of blackface. You are not the forward-thinking liberator whose blackface number is going be so awesome everyone will think, Oh, now I get it! Blackface! It's not racist, it's hilarious.

So, to the 10,000 or so of you who are buying shoe polish and an afro wig as part of your upcoming Halloween costume, be warned, it's a bad idea. And if no one calls you on it, it's only because the homogenous crowd you're partying with is as ignorant as you are.

 

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]]>black jesus in electric chairblackfaceBlackJesusInElectricChairfrench vogue blackfaceFrenchVogueBlackfaceharry connick jrHarryConnickJrracismChris Connolly2009-10-15T14:30:00+00:00Hot Weinermobile Driver Gets Our Motors Runninghttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/14/laura-moller-hot-weinermobile-driver-woman/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/14/laura-moller-hot-weinermobile-driver-woman/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/14/laura-moller-hot-weinermobile-driver-woman/#commentsFiled under: , ,

As fans of processed meats, one of our greatest dreams has always been to man the controls of the famed Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. But now that we've gotten a look at Wienermobile driver, Laura Moller, we might be willing to ride shotgun.

Moller is one of only 12 very, very lucky people who will be spending a year driving around the country in a motorized hot dog. Over 1,500 people apply annually to pilot Wienermobiles, and those who are chosen must take a two-week course in all things wiener.

Upon graduating, the doggie dozen ship out to ballgames, fairs and other fun places distributing hot dogs and hot dog-centric giveaways to a thankful public.

Keep reading to ride along with lovely Laura as she takes a reporter from her alma mater, Ohio State's newspaper, The Lantern, on a cruise. And if you just can't get enough wiener, follow Laura's exploits at hotdoggerblog.com.

 

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]]>lauramolleroscar meyerOscarMeyerweinermobilewienermobileChris Connolly2009-10-14T11:00:00+00:00Kubrick's 'Napoleon' -- the Greatest Movie Never Madehttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/kubricks-napoleon-the-greatest-movie-never-made/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/kubricks-napoleon-the-greatest-movie-never-made/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/kubricks-napoleon-the-greatest-movie-never-made/#commentsFiled under: ,

If you've never heard of Stanley Kubrick's sweeping action biopic "Napoleon," you can be forgiven. The film was never made.

Set to start production 40 years ago on the coattails of "2001: A Space Odyssey," "Napoleon" was to be movie-making on a grand scale. To create his original screenplay, Kubrick conducted two years of exhaustive research in the company of a bevvy of assistants and even a Napoleon expert from Oxford. His plans for filming included epic battle scenes using thousands of extras, and his pre-production efforts extended to some 15,000 location scouting photos and 17,000 slides of Napoleonic imagery.

Sadly, even as Kubrick obsessed and compiled data, two studios, first M.G.M. and then United Artists, backed out of the project, thinking historical epics were falling out of favor. Hence, the film remains The Greatest Movie Never Made.

Luckily for film buffs, however, Taschen publications has just released an all-encompassing book about the film. The sumptuous and hefty volume includes everything Kubrick compiled while planning "Napoleon" including costume studies, script drafts, photos, sketches and Kubrick's letters to friends and advisors regarding the project.

Sadly, the book is limited to a run of 1,000 numbered copies and costs around $600, but still, we have to think this is probably the best ever book we'll never read about a film we'll never see. And in such a crowded category, that's saying something.

 

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]]>booksGreatest Movie Never MadeGreatestMovieNeverMadekubricknapoleonstanley kubrickStanleyKubrickChris Connolly2009-10-13T17:30:00+00:00Ah, That's Why They Call It 'Foot'-Ballhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/ah-thats-why-they-call-it-foot-ball/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/ah-thats-why-they-call-it-foot-ball/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/ah-thats-why-they-call-it-foot-ball/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Late night Pac-10 games don't get a lot of airplay, so most of the country missed this video of Arizona Wildcats quarterback Nick Foles finding a wide-open receiver in the flat and firing the ball ... off his foot and right into the hands of a Washington defender who happened to be standing there.

The defender ran the ball back for a game-winning score and, bringing the entire Husky nation to simultaneous orgasm. How nice of him.

 

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]]>footballnick folesNickFolessports bloopersSportsBlooperswashington arizona kick ball blooperWashingtonArizonaKickBallBlooperChris Connolly2009-10-13T14:30:00+00:00Bull Dallying Is Kinder Than Bullfighting, but Only Slightlyhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/bull-dallying-is-kinder-than-bullfighting-but-only-slightly/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/bull-dallying-is-kinder-than-bullfighting-but-only-slightly/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/13/bull-dallying-is-kinder-than-bullfighting-but-only-slightly/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

No matter where you stand on the propriety or impropriety of bullfighting, one thing is pretty much indisputable: It's no fun for the bull. Also unfun, but considerably less stabby, is the up-and-coming sport called "bull dallying," or, to use a word from this century, "bull teasing."

The town of San Sebastian in central Spain is the epicenter of this cruelty-reduced form of f**king with bulls. The idea, essentially, is to piss the bull off without getting gored. That's it. No swords. No capes. No tight, sequined pants. No killing (of bulls, anyway). People just jump out of the stands in their street clothes, "dally" the bulls, and then run the hell away. It's kind of like a gym membership, but without free towels and with live bulls.

We've always been a little uneasy with original recipe for bullfighting, so we're going to do our part to promote the idea of simply making the bulls feel bad about themselves. Keep reading for examples of wounding words that still aren't as bad as a picador's lance through your lung.Asylum's Top Bull Snaps

Nanna-nanna bull-bull!
Yo' horns so small you couldn't gore a pasta strainer!
Yo' pen so dirty, I went in there and got bovine spongiform encephalitis!
Yo' mama got hoof and mouth disease, so they fitted her with a kickstand and training wheels and the b**ch graze like this!
Yo' mama so dirty, when they milk her, it's already sour cream!
Yo' mama so nasty, her favorite food is rocky mountain oysters!
You so poor you only need one stomach!
Just scream "RED! RED!"

 

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]]>bull dallyingbull fightingbull snapsbull teasingBullDallyingBullFightingBullSnapsBullTeasingChris Connolly2009-10-13T11:00:00+00:00Is This The World's Coolest 'Star Wars' Collection?http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/12/worlds-coolest-star-wars-collection/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/12/worlds-coolest-star-wars-collection/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/12/worlds-coolest-star-wars-collection/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Look, we're not dissing your Jar Jar Binks 64-ounce Mountain Dew cup or your Ice Planet Hoth, ton-ton-shaped ice cube trays. And we love that you can give a rational, well-reasoned answer to the question, "Could a Jedi lightsaber cut through Superman?"

But we're afraid that when it comes to sheer, breathtaking Star Wars collections, Korean fanatic Cho Woong's display takes the wookie cookies.

From what we can tell, Woong's collection fills his entire house and, unlike the sad, "Don't Touch the Box!" assemblages so many of our friends possess, Woong's display is well-lit, well-tended and tasteful. Man, his midi-chlorian count must be off the charts.

Keep reading for more pics of his amazing spread.




From the Web:
Sweet Nerd Bling. (Walyou)
Legendary Movie Guns. (AskMen)

 

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]]>collectiblesstar warsStarWarstoysworlds best star wars collectionWorldsBestStarWarsCollectionChris Connolly2009-10-12T13:00:00+00:004 Cartoon Women Other Than Marge Simpson We Wanna See Nakedhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/09/marge-simpson-naked-playboy-and-other-hot-cartoons/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/09/marge-simpson-naked-playboy-and-other-hot-cartoons/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/09/marge-simpson-naked-playboy-and-other-hot-cartoons/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

The news is out today that America's favorite blue-haired cartoon, Marge Simpson, will be baring all in the hallowed pages of Playboy magazine.

Seems like kind of a strange move from the nudie czars, but Marge always did look pretty sexy on those episodes when she and Homer got intimate.

However, if Playboy's going to start featuring cartoon women, we have a few requests (and they might not be the ones you're expecting).
Josie and the Pussycats
Yes, all of them. This is a bonanza. First of all there's the name: Pussycats? Bring it. Then there's the sheer variety in this group: You got Josie, the smokin' redhead, Melody, the blonde drummer, and Valerie Smith, the sultry, ebony tambourine player who also invents stuff? Please. Throw in the catsuits and couple weightless pillow fights in space and these ladies make the Spice Girls look like the Misfits.
Peppermint Patty
You ever notice how every woman in every sexy pictorial says she started as a tomboy? Well, that's ol' Peppermint Patty for you. Think about it, now that Peps is a full-fledged woman, the freckles have faded a bit (but not all the way), she's grown that scarlet mane out, and her head's no longer three times bigger than her body. To put it bluntly, she's a fox, and she's a fox who can still strip you down to your underwear with a line drive up the middle. That's wifey material, son.
The Baroness
Yes, mistress. Whatever you say, mistress. May we have another? COBRA's Primary Military Intelligence Specialist, the Baroness was as sexy as she was deadly. She had the accent, the glasses, the blue/black flowing hair and a set of legs that could crush a beer keg. She also wore bandoleros as scarves and carried a immense machine gun. The fact that a woman as beautiful as the Baroness could wear an armored skinsuit around the COBRA offices without getting sexually harassed also indicates she knew how to handle herself. Think about it: If a chick can work with Destro and Tomax and Xamot all day, you think she'll fall apart at the idea of meeting your mom?
Betty Rubble
Betty, baby, please -- leave that zero, Barney, and get with this hero! First of all, he's like 8 inches shorter than you, and second, he's a moron. He wears a damn water buffalo head as a hat! He wears a fur toga every day and goes bowling with an oblong rock. I've got a lot of things I could show you. I have an HDTV. I eat pieces of meat that weigh less than 120 lbs. My car has a floor! I don't keep saber tooth tigers as pets in houses where children are present. Now please, bring your perfect proportions, your endless legs, your blue dress and your indestructible, super-child-producing womb over here and let's get hitched!

From the Web:
Fantasy Telemarketer. (Adult Swim)
The 9 Most Racist Disney Characters. (Cracked)

 

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]]>cartoonshot cartoonsHotCartoonsmagazine coversMagazineCoversmarge simpson playboyMargeSimpsonPlayboyplayboyplayboy coversPlayboyCoversthe simpsonsTheSimpsonsChris Connolly2009-10-09T17:30:00+00:00Skier Films His Own Avalanche Burialhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/09/skier-films-own-avalanche-burial/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/09/skier-films-own-avalanche-burial/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/09/skier-films-own-avalanche-burial/#commentsFiled under: , ,

In a video recently posted to YouTube, a skier wearing helmet cam inadvertently filmed himself being buried alive by an avalanche. Early in the stunning, nearly nine-minute clip, you can see the snowpack start to build to the skier's right, then, seconds later, he's entirely engulfed in snow.

For the next spinetingling, intense minutes, all you see is blue light as you hear the entombed man trying to eat enough snow to allow himself to breathe.

Miraculously, during his 10-second, 1,500-foot plunge, the man's right glove came off and allowed his companions to locate him. When he's finally dug out it's more uplifting than anything Hollywood could ever generate.

There are so many questions we'd love to ask this very, very lucky survivor, but if we only got one it would be this: Dude, what kind of camera is that?

 

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]]>amazing rescuesavalancherecuesskier avalancheSkierAvalancheChris Connolly2009-10-09T09:00:00+00:00The Puma Stock Index, Now With More Strippershttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/the-puma-stock-index-now-with-more-strippers/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/the-puma-stock-index-now-with-more-strippers/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/the-puma-stock-index-now-with-more-strippers/#commentsFiled under: , ,

If anything takes the sting out of watching your stock portfolio faceplant, it's probably a gorgeous model shedding her clothing while bouncing on a trampoline.

Or a trio of stunning fashionistas engaging in a pillow fight, or a sultry, sleepy underwear model languishing in bed. In fact, had these elements been present on Black Tuesday in 1929, it might not have started raining stockbrokers.

This is the idea behind Puma's new stock index -- a real-time, online stock ticker that features underwear models shedding and donning clothing as the market fluctuates.

As the Puma people put it, "The Puma Index is a global stock ticker with a twist. When the market goes down, our models' clothes come off, all the way down to their Puma Bodywear. So if you lose your shirt, at least they do, too."

 

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]]>puma indexPumaIndexstock marketStockMarketunderwearChris Connolly2009-10-07T16:00:00+00:00Belgian Dairy Farmer Starts Unusual Food Fighthttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/belgian-dairy-farmer-starts-unusual-food-fight/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/belgian-dairy-farmer-starts-unusual-food-fight/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/belgian-dairy-farmer-starts-unusual-food-fight/#commentsFiled under: , ,

This Belgian dairy farmer found a unique way to show his displeasure over falling milk prices at a demonstration outside E.U. headquarters in Brussels.

His display was only one poignant part of a larger demonstration which saw some 5,000 people and around 1,000 tractors blockade the area surrounding the European Union's offices while an emergency meeting of agriculture ministers was going on within.

Unrest among European dairy producers has been increasingly "spilling over" in the last month with farmers hurling eggs, starting fires and dumping some 3 million liters of milk onto their fields. Some experts have estimated the price of dairy products has fallen 30 percent in the last year. Which is no surprise, if this is how they treat the cows.

 

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]]>cowsdairydairyprotestseuropean unionEuropeanUnionfarmersmilk chocolateMilkChocolateprotestsChris Connolly2009-10-07T14:45:00+00:00ESPN Magazine's Body Issue Brings Us Nude Serena Williamshttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/espn-magazines-body-issue-serena-williams-nude/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/espn-magazines-body-issue-serena-williams-nude/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/espn-magazines-body-issue-serena-williams-nude/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

ESPN does so many things wrong -- bombarding viewers with meaningless graphics and self-referential chatter; prioritizing promotion of their barely bearable "personalities" over the sports stories they pretend to be covering; employing Chris Berman -- that it's vital to point out when they get something right.

Firing the intolerable wiener-photo-forwarder, Sean Salisbury, was a step in the right direction, and convincing Serena Williams to go the full monty for the cover of their body issue has earned them a few more Asylum bucks. (Redeemable for valuable prizes!)

The cover is playful and sexy without shying away from the fact that Serena's a physical marvel. The athletic body is a wonderful thing to behold, and we can't wait to behold the rest of the jocks -- like MMA fighter Gina Carano and pro surfer Claire Bevilacqua -- who took it all (or at least most of it) off for this highly anticipated issue.From the Web:

Russell Brand's Celeb Conquests (Maxim)

Zombie Hooker Nightmare! (Adult Swim)
How To Have Sex in Water. (AskMen)

 

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]]>celebrity nudityCelebrityNudityespn magazine body issueEspnMagazineBodyIssueespnnudeissuegina caranoGinaCaranonudeserena williamsserena williams nudeSerenaWilliamsserenawilliamsnudeChris Connolly2009-10-07T12:30:00+00:00Meet Jennifer Mueller, Girlfriend of Mark Sanchezhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/meet-jennifer-mueller-girlfriend-of-mark-sanchez/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/meet-jennifer-mueller-girlfriend-of-mark-sanchez/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/meet-jennifer-mueller-girlfriend-of-mark-sanchez/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Meet Jenny Mueller. She is, as they say, so blisteringly hot we'd crawl through five miles of broken glass to listen to her burp through a walkie-talkie.

Jenny's currently dating Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, but she's no simple piece of arm candy. Mueller ran the 200 and 400 in high school and earned all-state and all-league honors. Then she went on to run for athletics powerhouse USC, where she met Sanchez.

Mrs. Mueller first came to our attention when she and her QB dreamboat were spotted at a Lakers game and we had to find out more about her. Now that we know she's prettier, stronger, faster and quite probably smarter than we are, we can rest easy. Order prevails in the universe.

 

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]]>jennifer muellerJenniferMuellerjenny muellerJennyMuellermark sanchezMarkSanchezuscChris Connolly2009-10-07T11:00:00+00:00Hungry Inventors Create Breakfast Machinehttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/hungry-inventors-create-breakfast-machine/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/hungry-inventors-create-breakfast-machine/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/hungry-inventors-create-breakfast-machine/#commentsFiled under: , ,

We don't speak Dutch. But luckily, when something absolutely, positively and utterly friggin' rules, it kind of transcends language, you know?

Such is the case with the breakfast machine, a Rube Goldberg-type invention masterminded by Yuri Suzuki and Masa Kimura in Amsterdam. Using recycled parts and soliciting input and suggestions from visitors, the duo constructed a vast, yet fully functional machine that prepares omelets, coffee and toast with jam. You can see the machine in action here.

We're not sure it's funnier than the breakfast machine as seen on the Family Guy, but it's bound to be safer.

 

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]]>breakfastmachinemasa kimuraMasaKimuraplatform21Yuri SuzukiYuriSuzukiChris Connolly2009-10-07T09:30:00+00:00Small Mammoth Is Mammoth Discoveryhttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/small-mammoth-mammoth-discovery/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/small-mammoth-mammoth-discovery/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/07/small-mammoth-mammoth-discovery/#commentsFiled under: , ,

This baby woolly mammoth, found in Siberia, may not max out on the cute scale, but on the Important Old Dead Things scale, she's off the charts.

Named Lyuba, the baby mammoth is in remarkably good trim for her age -- somewhere around 40,000 -- and was thought to have been about one month old when she blundered into a river bed and died.

The mud entombing her and the cold temperatures that are so prevalent in Siberia preserved Lyuba to such an extent that traces of her mother's milk still existed in her stomach.

Sadly, although the body is preserved enough to provide DNA samples, researchers are not yet focusing on cloning a race of woolies for home use. Instead, annoyingly and selfishly, they're "learning" all kinds of crap about mammoths, like that they had fatty caps on their backs that helped with heat regulation and that they were probably born in the early spring.

If you'd like to see Lyuba for yourself, she'll be touring 10 cities across the world for the next few years. Her first stop will be at the Field Museum in Chi-town.

 

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]]>baby wooly mammothBabyWoolyMammothlyubawooly mammothWoolyMammothChris Connolly2009-10-07T09:00:00+00:00New Web Site Teaches Us How to Be Awesomehttp://www.asylum.com/2009/10/06/new-web-site-teaches-us-how-to-be-awesome/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/06/new-web-site-teaches-us-how-to-be-awesome/http://www.asylum.com/2009/10/06/new-web-site-teaches-us-how-to-be-awesome/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Twitter is fun. Facebook is cool. MySpace is ... still there. But only bef**kingawesome.com is awesome.

Like Twitter and other status-centric social networking sites, BFA encourages users to report in short form on their daily activities -- only with the very salient difference that BFA's only interested in the highlights. If you're "bored at work ... again," or "waiting for the new 'Entourage,'" or "covered in dish soap and baby vomit," BFA doesn't give an eff.

However, if you've done something you consider awesome, bef**kingawesome wants to know.

So what kinds of awesomeness went down today? Check it out:
Working out every day -- eating right everyday -- Lost 40lbs in under 4 months.

I don't have swine flu.

Spent the night with my family after not seeing them for seven years.

Saw Jay-Z last night and told him Beyonce had one of the greatest videos of all time. ALL TIME.

Ate 98 shrimp at Red Lobster's Shrimpfest.

I called a 1800-Howsmydriving number and told them the driver was an awesome driver.

had a dream I made hamburger mittens ... actual mittens, made of hamburger, grilled. You could put your hands in their warm, greasy goodness.

Stray cat stuck in our tree. Put a bowl of milk at the bottom of the tree. ORGANIC milk. That s**t's expensive.

Opened a can of soup ... with a fork.

What's the awesomest thing you've done today?

 

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]]>awesomebefkingawesome.commeme sitesMemeSitesChris Connolly2009-10-06T11:00:00+00:00