Asylum

What the Food Truck? The Best Grub Served on Four Wheels

Colleen Kane — 2009-05-07T13:30:00+00:00

Frat boys, stoners and cheap-food gourmets around the globe are tearfully marking down 2009 as the year that the world lost a great luminary. Mahmut Aygun, the Turkish kebab king who invented that truck-food staple, the doner kebab, died early this year. Aygun will be greatly missed, but he leaves a tremendously legacy -- a low-brow foodie revolution, for which exchange students and not-so-starving artists will be eternally grateful. We salute him.

And since everyone is looking for ways to live more frugally, it's time to reconsider food served from the side of a truck. It's no longer just for lunch or after a night out, and some trucks, displaced from their restaurants, are serving gourmet meals -- and even dessert -- for a few dollars a pop.

Got a food truck favorite in your stomping grounds? Snap a picture and share it with us in the gallery below.

Favorite Food Trucks

mmmyoso, Flickr

10 Photos

We've all heard of taco trucks, but how often do you find one that serves beef tongue and pig stomach? See what other wild dishes are served on four wheels around the world.

Additional writing provided by Zaby Currie.

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Asylum Taste Test -- Hubig's New Orleans Style Apple Pie

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:08:00+00:00

Like they do about many other foods indigenous to Louisiana, locals rave about Hubig's fresh-baked pies, and their popularity is so widespread that anyone can order them online. This pie is quite similar in size and taste to the Hostess Fruit pie, only a little more understated (an adjective not normally associated with Southern Louisiana). The crust is just a bit lighter than Hostess', and at first we thought, "What's the big deal?" Then we had another bite, then another, then it was gone. It sneaks up on you, this pie.

Calories: 367

Price: $ .79

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Asylum Taste Test -- Hostess Apple Fruit Pie

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:07:00+00:00

This is the pie we used to purchase for our lunch on many an unhealthy day in the high school cafeteria. This taste test was our first time revisiting it, since those troubling times of the Kosovo war and "Notting Hill." Gotta say, it's a sugary overload to have all at once, but this baby holds up. A classic.

Calories: 470

Price: $1.00

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Asylum Taste Test -- Hostess Lemon Fruit Pie

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:06:00+00:00

This staple has that Hostess sturdy crust and sugary coating. The innards taste exactly like a lemon meringue pie -- without the best part, the meringue. Not bad, though. Fun-killing fact: This one clocks in as the fattiest pie of the collection, with 11 grams of saturated fat, or 55 percent of the recommended daily value (i.e., fat makes food not taste like crap).

Calories: 490

Price: $1.00

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Asylum Taste Test -- McDonald's Apple Pie

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:05:00+00:00

Being Los cheapos, we went for the $ .99 cent pie as opposed to the $1.19 pie. This must be the kids' size, because this tiny thing was gone before we knew it. It had a light, tasty crust, slightly warm apple insides -- but was not hot enough to burn customers who like to sue large corporations! All in all, McDonald's pie is good, but we're not lovin' it, and would rather just be friends.

Calories: 260

Price: $ .99

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Asylum Taste Test -- Old Fashioned Pumpkin Pie

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:04:00+00:00

This tastes like pumpkin pie. Bland pumpkin pie with a trace of nutmeg. If you ever have a pumpkin pie craving at some non-Thanksgiving time of year, head on over to Wal-Mart for one of these babies. Otherwise, wait for homemade.

Calories: 370

Price: $ .58

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Asylum Taste Test -- Chocolate Cutie Pie

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:03:00+00:00

If you want to eat chocolate pudding in the laziest way possible other than scooping it with your hand and shoving it in your mouth, this would be the way to do it. I can't think of any other reason to eat this pie, with the exception of being stoned.

Calories: 200

Price: $1.68 for a box of 6

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Asylum Taste Test -- Country Baker (No Sugar) Blueberry Pie

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:02:00+00:00

We're generally in favor of not gilding the lily -- if you don't need sugar because the pie is sweetened with nature's berry goodness, then go for it. But this pie tastes like nothing. If we were given this to try while blindfolded, we wouldn't have known it was supposed to be blueberry flavored, or flavored at all for that matter.

Calories: 330

Price: $ .78

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Asylum Taste Test -- Cherry Cutie Pie

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:01:00+00:00

This is a tiny pie with a sturdy, sugar-iced crust. The innards are reminiscent of cherry cough medicine, only sweeter. It's better than a shot of NyQuil, but still not very good.

Calories: 200

Price: $1.68 for a box of 6

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Asylum Taste Test -- Pies That Fit in Your Hand

Colleen Kane — 2009-01-23T14:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Food, Get In My Belly

It's an historic time for our nation. That's right, it's January 23 -- Pie Day. In celebration, what could be more patriotic than stuffing your face with mini pies found in convenience stores and truck stops? But which one? We decided to check out the widely available hand-size pies we found at 7-11s, Wal-Marts and McDonald's. With this authoritative ranking, from worst to best, you'll be better informed about what should go into your pie hole.

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Exotic Meats That Can't Be Beat

Colleen Kane — 2008-12-30T11:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Humor, Weird News, Get In My Belly

Of all categories of food, meats -- and especially exotic meats -- may be what get the most people gagging. Who ever heard of anyone getting grossed out by fruit?

Still, for the meat hearty, you can find almost any kind of animal in meat form on the Internet, and there are so many ways for it to go wrong. Let's take a look at some of those ways, and we'll all learn a little something in the end. We, for example, learned to never, ever do an Internet search for "gross meat."

Exotic Meats

Llama: You may have never been to a llama's natural habitat, but now you can chow down on one without leaving the comfort of home, through the magic of the Internets and its exotic meat shoppes. Uhyay?

palegoldenrod, Flickr

Pork Brains in Milk Gravy: They say that of all the common meats, pork tastes the most like human flesh. ("They" = "cannibals.") Does that make pork brains a delicacy for zombies? We asked a zombie, who answered, "BRAAAIIIINS." (Translation: "Yes indeed.")

numlok-tm, Flickr

Python Fillets: Another one of the "exotic meats"available online, so that you can say you tried it and it tasted like chicken.

3dom, Flickr

Canned Reindeer: Now the loveable reindeer of Christmastime lore, available in chunked format in a can! Just don't leave this out for Santa, mmkay?

MikeLove, Flickr

Roast Beef Spread: To all the folks lamenting, "If only cow flesh were more spreadable," an announcement: Your wish has been granted. YOU'RE WELCOME!

Shira Golding, Flickr

Yak Jerky: Thanks to today's jerky technology, you can walk around with a little piece of a yak in your pocket. It can be kind of like a little edible pet.

KateMonkey, Flickr

Chicken in a Can: Often it's not the product but the delivery and packaging that's extra disturbing. As in, how exactly does a whole chicken fit in a can of this size?

Timmy Corkery, Flickr

Cracker Bologna: Does this mean you are offically a cracker if you eat it? Or do only crackers eat bologna anyway? Which came first, the cracker label, or the bologna- eating?

amareschel, Flickr

Frankfurter Delight: A cherry gelatin mold with hot dogs. What else needs to be said, other than BLEEAAARGH.

Stu Spivak, Flickr

Head Cheese: This is a common deli item, but it has never failed to disgust me. Who does the publicity for head cheese? Time to rethink the branding! I bet the product would be a lot more popular if it didn't sound like something that oozed out of the ear of a terribly injured accident victim.

Bmann, Flickr

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Deadliest Dishes -- 15 Delicacies That Might Kill You

Colleen Kane — 2008-12-04T14:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Humor, Food, Weird News, Get In My Belly

Food is supposed to nourish the body and sustain our lives, not send us barreling straight for the Grim Reaper. Yet sometimes eating the healthy stuff can feel like its own kind of living death, so people choose the bad stuff ... and then add even more bad stuff onto sizable portions of delicious Vitamin G (grease).

We proudly present 15 heart-stopping dishes -- not so much in the way of nagging, but rather as a form of public service. We know firsthand that once you get a taste of bacon wrapped around a Fried Twinkie Dog -- you'll stop at nothing to find new combinations of grease and carbs to make the old ticker quiver.

Most Dangerous Drinks

Ethanol/Grain Alcohol It is illegal to sell this 190-proof "drink" in California, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nevada, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Washington. Obviously, the liver has lobbyists in those states.

Jeff Gentner, AP

Moonshine Prohibition caused people to take all sorts of odd steps to get their buzz on. For those who took the Bo and Luke route, a shoddy brew included methanol (a.k.a. wood alcohol) that acts in a few hours and can cause blindness. Perhaps that allowed them to not realize they were making out with cousin Daisy.

Hector Mata, AFP / Getty Images

Hjemmebrent Norway's Moonshine goes a bit further, being distilled to 96 alcohol. In Tara Grescoe's book "The Devil's Picnic," drinking hjemmebrent is described this way: "You were sober then you were drunk. It was grim, goal-oriented, and a little sad. And the hangover was like no other." Scary. We can't imagine anything worse than a PBR hangover.

vgb.no

Blood Religious groups and tribes, including the Suri of Ethiopia, have been drinking blood for centuries. For some it's a ritual, for others it's just a great way to risk contracting Hepatitis B and C.

Corbis

Coca Cola Coca-Cola launched the disastrous "New Coke" in 1985, but in truth, the stuff we'd been consuming for decades was new. The true original version had cocaine in it. If Coca Cola still had cocaine in it, the world would be a sleepless wasteland of rambling teeth grinders.

Black Drink Made from roasted leaves of the Yaupon Holly, Native Americans males consumed the Black Drink in a ritualistic manner, substituting it for coffee or tea. They purged themselves after imbibing for hours at a time, leading to the berry's appealing Latin name, "Ilex vomitoria."

wikipedia.com

Jolt Cola Jolt Cola's slogan is "all the sugar and twice the caffeine." But if you consider that a few of the symptoms of caffeine overdose include restlessness, nervousness, insomnia, increased urination, gastrointestinal distress, muscle twitching, irritability, and irregular heart beat, a cold Jolt doesn't sound so good.

Bombes Enterprising bar owners in Greece originally came up with Bombes -- a mixture of alcohol and cheap, dangerous industrial spirits. These drinks are so lethal that the government had to step in, because the loss of bar patrons due to death wasn't enough to keep them from being served.

Fox Photos / Getty Images

Bud Extra A couple of years back, someone at Budweiser came up with a plan to keep beer drinkers from passing out. They called it "B to the E," and injected it with ginseng and high levels caffeine. In June 2008, Anheuser-Busch pulled the product in response to public criticism, which was completely warranted.

Kumis Though not technically a danger to your physical health, there's something psychologically troubling about sipping Kumis, a booze made from fermented mare's milk. Russians have been drinking from the horse's teat for centuries, but we'll pass.

wikipedia.com

*Note: We are not claiming that certain food creations sold by big corporations (with expensive lawyers) will kill you. They might just kill your will to live once eaten. (Nice corporations! We love you!) Although, in the case of local breakfast joints, you can't say you weren't warned if you eat a sandwich called a Widowmaker.

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Wacked-out Waffles and the Toppings That Make Them Special

Colleen Kane — 2008-10-30T14:15:00+00:00

Filed under: Humor, Food, Get In My Belly

They taste great and look impressive, but any schlub with the right appliance can make variations on the waffle -- and many do. As a result, we have waffles shaped like Hello Kitty, penguins, Mickey Mouse, hearts, Snoopy and the Lone Star State, to name a few.

They come in many varieties: Belgian, mini, ice cream cones and as sandwiches. Here are some of the more far-out things being done with waffles around the world. Not surprisingly, many of them are found in Japan, at state fairs and in the minds of the bacon-obsessed.

Wacked-Out Waffles

Bacon-Embedded Waffles It wouldn't be an Asylum wacky foods gallery without bacon working its salty, greasy way into some meal in some wild way. This was reportedly the "best waffle ever."

MrPants, Flickr

Green Tea Waffles From a Belgian waffle stand at the Kyoto train station. Okay, I know it's Asia, but do they have to put green tea in everything?

xterlim on Flickr

Chinese Waffle Balls Like the waffle equivalent of doughnut holes.

abadore , Flickr

Eggette Waffles These are Hong Kong-style street waffles. Why the egg-sac theme, I wonder?

lilbear, Flickr

Falafel Waffle Falafel is delicious in ball format and all, but what about presentation? This looks like a dog biscuit.

Wes y'all, Flickr

Foie Graffle Foie gras?! Oh yes. Adding the liver of an overfed goose to anything, no matter how gross it sounds, makes it "gourmet."

SiFu Renka, Flickr

Fried Waffles From the Putnam County fair. Again, it wouldn't be an Asylum wacky foods gallery without a fried entry from the fair.

Benimoto, Flickr

Funk n Waffles A Syracuse, NY eatery/rock venue serves a spinach, feta and salmon waffle (!), also a falafel waffle, and one with pulled pork and bbq sauce.

funknwaffles.com

Hamwaffle Flavour Spot in Portland, OR has less-traditional waffle sangwiches with fillings like Black Forest ham and cheddar or smoked gouda cheese. To quote the menu, "This is what is tastes like when pigs cry."

mccun934, Flickr

Milk-Filled Waffle You have one guess where this thing is from.

kozika, Flickr

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Mexi-Mac

Colleen Kane — 2008-10-02T14:05:00+00:00

This is the long-overdue meeting of two bastions of white-trash cuisine: boxed mac and the perennial favorite "nacho dip" you remember from Super Bowl parties. Ever wish you could just eat that dip with a fork? Now you can.

1. Prepare macaroni and cheese per package directions.
2. Add 2-3 ounces of Velveeta or more, depending how "creamy" you want it.
3. Add 1/4 to 1/2 can Ro-Tel Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies.
4. Optional: add cooked ground beef.
5. !Caramba!

And there you have it: easy, cheesy, Japanesey! Er -- Mexcellent. Sorry.

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Three-Cheese Italian

Colleen Kane — 2008-10-02T14:04:00+00:00

1. Cook up one Italian sausage, and cut it into rounds.
2. Prepare macaroni and cheese, using only 1/3 of the cheese powder packet.
3. Add small chunks of cut-up mozzarella (2-3 ounces) and the sausage rounds to the mac while it's still good and hot.
4. Top with shredded or grated parmesan.

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Frank'n Mac

Colleen Kane — 2008-10-02T14:03:00+00:00

Your mom may have added cut-up hot dogs to your macaroni and cheese, but this version expands on that idea with the goodness of browned onions.

1. Chop one small onion into square pieces and fry til they brown at the edges.
2. Cut two hot dogs into rounds and add them to the pan of onions just till warmed throughout.
3. Prepare macaroni and cheese, mixing in one tablespoon of mustard at the end.
4. Spoon onion-and-wiener mixture over mac 'n' cheese and top with ketchup and mustard.

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Your Mom's Easy Baked Mac

Colleen Kane — 2008-10-02T14:02:00+00:00

Macaroni and cheese from scratch is the best, but takes forever to make. Here's a quick compromise.

1. Prepare macaroni and cheese as usual, but you need to add extra creaminess to the sauce so it'll get baked, not dried. At the end, add an extra two tablespoons butter or margarine, and four ounces shredded cheddar. If you have Swiss lying around, add a little of that, too.
2. Melt one tablespoon margarine or butter in a pan and toast a half cup of breadcrumbs in it.
3. Dump mac 'n' cheese into a baking dish and top with the breadcrumbs. Dot butter on top and bake 8-10 minutes.

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Cajun Macaroni Monica (Inspired by Crawfish Monica)

Colleen Kane — 2008-10-02T14:01:00+00:00

This is the only somewhat involved recipe, but it's also the one that disappeared instantly from the test kitchen. If it's too much trouble, see the lazy alternate version directions below.

1. Melt two tablespoons butter in a pot (You have to use real butter; the good stuff. No margarine allowed!).
2. Saute three chopped green onions (tops & bottoms) and three chopped cloves of garlic in the butter for three minutes.
3. Add 3-4 ounces peeled shrimp or crawfish tails and cook for two minutes.
4. Add half a pint of half & half, several big pinches of Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning, and half of the cheese packet.
5. Cook over medium heat until sauce thickens, add pasta and cook 10 minutes over low heat, stirring often.

BONUS: Give the unused cheese sauce mix powder to your stoner roommate to sprinkle over a bag of microwave popcorn. He or she will soon be claiming to be forever indebted to you.

Lazy alternate directions:
1. Prepare macaroni and cheese per package directions.
2. Add as much Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning as you can handle (I recommended the salt-free version unless you want a sodium bomb).

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Upscale Mac 'n' Cheese -- from the Box to the Silver Platter

Colleen Kane — 2008-10-02T14:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Food, Get In My Belly

Here's the thing with macaroni and cheese out of a box -- it's cheap, it's fast and the second it's ready you want to shovel the entire contents of the pot into your mouth. About halfway through though, you remember it's really not that good. And the more moments that elapse from when the snack was first ready to eat, the worse it gets.

With this dilemma in mind, we present five enhancements to humble boxed macaroni and cheese, ranked from highest deliciousness to easiest, that go just as well reheated -- that is if they make it to the leftover stage. All recipes were made using Kraft because it's the gold(en) standard. And it is, according to their spokespeople, "the cheesiest."

Click here for the finest in upscale mac 'n' cheese.

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Strange European Foods -- The Old Country Eats This Stuff

Colleen Kane — 2008-09-03T13:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Food, Weird News, Get In My Belly

There's nothing like vacationing in Europe to remind you that for all our similarities, America does certain things a bit differently.

One glaring example is food. Even when strolling around a London grocery, there are certain items that get desperately lost in translation, despite the fact that they are labeled in English. (We can only imagine how difficult it would be for U.S. stores to market spotted dick.)

We recently took a trip to Europe and snapped pictures of a few food products that probably wouldn't make it onto dinner tables in the States.

Strange Euro Foods

Not only do Brits put "spotted dick" in their mouths, but apparently there's even a market for the pudding of spotted dick.

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

In Europe, you don't have to explain what the food happens to be. It's consistency will do just fine.

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

It sounds like a lyric from "Eat It," but the flavor of this Spanish potato chip translates to "Ham Ham," because one mention of ham wouldn't sound nearly as appealing.

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

A theme entry from Holland. Choco creeps...

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

... and choco cocks. Once you go chocolate ...

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

Hey, what do you call four loaves of Bimbo bread in a row? A wind tunnel.

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

Mr. T, whose definitive TV program "The A Team" is always showing somewhere in Europe, most likely eats this British yogurt.

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

Making a lot of trips to the head? Maybe it was the Runny Honey.

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

When you're totally baked, there's nothing like high juice to get rid of cottonmouth.

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

We are currently in talks with the US government to create an embargo to keep this product from reaching our shores.

Colleen Kane, Asylum.com

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