Can Mascot of the Year Award End Mustache Discrimination in America?

Throughout the college football season, the American Mustache Institute -- as well as the Mustached American community -- has been campaigning for the first mustached Capital One Mascot of the Year. We recently dispatched Dr. Aaron Perlut of AMI to Orlando and the Capital One Bowl to see if, in fact, "Paydirt Pete" from the University of Texas–El Paso would become the first mustached...

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Last-Minute Holiday Gifts for Mustached Americans

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. With the exception of dwarf-hunting season, there's nothing quite like the holidays in the Mustached American community. It's when we let our hair down, enjoy an ice cold Budweiser, look for kittens to punch and destroy DVD copies of "Sex and the City." So with that in mind, we offer these holiday gift ideas from Asylum and the...

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Annual American Mustache Institute's 'Stache Bash Event Flourishes

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. Last week I reported on Orlando-area firefighter Brian Sheets winning the American Mustache Institute's "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" honor at the most recent 'Stache Bash, a charitable fundraiser that this year was part of Movember. However, I did not catalog the epic event itself. After all, it is the...

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Orlando Area Firefighter Is Mustached American of the Year

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. After claiming 22 percent of more than 500,000 online votes, Brian Sheets, a firefighter from Orlando, Fla., who founded a mustache-based charity, was named the American Mustache Institute's "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" for 2010. Sheets outdistanced a strong group of well-deserving candidates, including...

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U.S. Air Guitar Champion to Flex Muscle at 'Stache Bash

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. There are many great champions in America: Britney Spears helped Kevin Federline become the champion of marrying well and getting a lifetime of alimony; Woody Allen is clearly the champion of those who wish to marry their adoptive daughters; and then there is the U.S. Air Guitar Champion: Romeo Dance Cheetah. Mr. Dance Cheetah...

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Brooke Shields Goes to Bat for Mustached American Brandon Wardell

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. In a just-released video, legendary dish Brooke Shields -- she of the rolling around on that island in "The Blue Lagoon" -- has thrown her support behind one of the candidates for the prestigious "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" award. Shields, who remains quite delicious at 45, is asking voters to support...

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Mustached American of the Year Race Getting Tight Down Stretch

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. With one week left to vote for the "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" award, the finalists are beating the streets, kissing babies, talking to church groups, beheading dwarfs and staking out their turf in a cutthroat effort to claim the most important award in the Mustached American community. Voting closes...

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Washington Nationals' Collin Balester Is a Hero to Mustached Americans

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. Despite not being a finalist for the "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year"-award, in the Mustached American community, Collin Balester is a hero. The Washington Nationals relief pitcher has withstood the pressures from agents, the Major League Baseball Players Association, the United Midgets Rights Union and...

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Capital One Mascot Race Tightens As Playoffs Near

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. (You might have noticed there were two this week.) As the playoffs near in the battle for the Capital One Mascot of the Year, the 16 large, fuzzy, overachieving behemoths of the character world are digging deep to support the universities they represent. Old Dominion's "Big Blue" had been tearing it up, but the race has...

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Bare-Lipped for the First Time Since Nixon Ruled the Land

Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert. As mentioned last week, despite leading the foremost facial hair advocacy organization and think tank in the world -- the American Mustache Institute -- this week I condoned, and myself committed, so-called "flavor-saving genocide." Yes, for the first time since Richard Nixon was in office, my lower nose garden is bare, as part...

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