Today marks the eighth anniversary of the invasion of Afghanistan, and almost a decade later we're still there. Anyway, these days things in Afghanistan are only slightly better than life in Flint, Mich., and support for the war effort there seems to be waning. Fortunately, we've compiled our crack Asylum foreign policy team -- including Jimmy the vending machine repair guy and a pic of Donald ...

It's kind of like moving to Ireland and requesting that everyone drop the "Mc" from their names. At least that's how people in Taos, N.M., reacted when new owners took over a local hotel and told employees that they'd need to "shorten" their Hispanic names to something a little more, well, "American." Larry Whitten moved to Taos from Texas to take over the newly renamed Whitten Inn and threw ...

That's right, 750-lb. shark, people. A big fish. An only slightly bigger boat. A bunch of guys hoping they're not too drunk to pull this one in. Put down that no-carb beer and give me a hand, Billy! The smart one on this crew is probably the guy who thought to grab the video camera and film from a safe distance while his buddies taunt a monstrous killing machine with spears and a slab of ...

This week, Congress has been dropping climate change bills like they're slowly heating up by about one to two degrees a year -- and the world's getting ready to meet in Copenhagen in December at a special summit to figure out a way to deal with all that pesky carbon dioxide that's slowly making Sweden as sweaty as San Antonio. Fortunately, our Asylum research team has already looked into some ...

The final vote is in, and apparently the International Olympic Committee prefers to spend their summers in sun-soaked, exotic destinations filled with beautiful and scantily clad people rather than a town known for its wind and Midwestern, working-class values. Sorry, Chicago, but the site of the 2016 summer games will be Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Chi-town was eliminated in the first round of ...

Stop writing your senators about health-care reform -- they're just humoring you anyhow. We have much more serious problems that you may have noticed if you've been paying any attention to the news, particularly from the South Pacific: God is trying to kill us. This week we've had an earthquake and tsunami hit Samoa, another earthquake or two or 10 around Indonesia, "super-storm" typhoon Parma ...

For the vast demographic that wants to support radical environmentalism while vaguely looking like a member of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's 1991 tour of the Amazon rain forest, we present the Greenpeace "FishMates" boots. The boots are on sale to support the group's efforts protecting the ocean and all the creatures that live in it, except for overweight tourists on oversize cruise ...