Asylum

Picking Up Women on Halloween Made Simple

Jennifer Benjamin — 2009-10-21T16:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Sex, Dating/Love, Women, How-to, Below the Belt

It's no secret that women wait all year to for Halloween to dress as sexy zombie nurses or sexy Freddy Kruegers, but no matter what sexy something the ladies in your life transform into, the underlying principle is the same: with the right pick up tricks and pick up lines Halloween is one day when you have a better-than-average chance of hooking up with a woman who is embracing her holiday hotness.

Unfortunately, a guy's sexy Halloween costume options are pretty limited. Certain dudes can find success going the funny route, but wearing a banana hammock and toting a bong in a tribute to Michael Phelps isn't exactly a one-size-fits-all costume option.

So, if you're unwilling to break your streak of 20 consecutive years dressing as a ninja, can you still score on Halloween? Of course.Kids as Props
You know that friend who's always asking if you want to babysit his kid? Well, do him a solid and offer to take the little tyke trick-or-treating. You know where's a good spot? Sorority row. No woman can resist a man with a child, especially a child who's been bribed to say, "This is my widower Uncle Danny. He's the best guy I know."

Free Candy
Much of the year giving free candy to young women is a good way to secure an appearance on "To Catch a Predator." On Halloween, it's just good planning. Chocolate has a pretty well-established rep as an aphrodisiac, and even if this is undeserved, having a lot of sweet treats about your person is a good way to attract attention. Oh, and please remember: Size matters. No miniature Snickers, guys.

Get Political
Making a political statement with your costume -- one that showcases your sympathetic bent -- is a good way to meet like-minded females. Once the liberal chick dressed as Animal Cruelty sees your Health Care Reform Guy costume, she'll be melting. Safety Note: Do not attempt this if you don't actually know anything about politics. If she asks your opinion of the public option and you have to fake a seizure, it won't play.

Play the Protector
We do not condone scaring the bejeezus out of a woman ... most of the time. But isn't that what All Hallow's Eve is all about? First, you get the adrenaline going with a bloody, jump-out-of-your-seat flick like "Saw." Then, when she screams in pure terror, you can wrap your arms around her and hold her ... hold her tight. Once the movie's over, suggest a nightcap, and then open a discussion about the recent robberies and home invasions in her neighborhood. It really wouldn't be safe for her to be alone, so you should probably stay over. On the couch, of course.

Make a Match
While Halloween is all about variety, there are certain costumes that are virtually guaranteed to show up at any well-attended party. Among these are: the sexy princess, the naughty nurse, the naughty schoolgirl and the sexy vampire. If you want to have a built in intro line with any of these lovely ladies, you can up your odds with your own costume selection: prince who has been turned into a frog; mysterious, badly-wounded patient; fumbling but handsome teacher; and guy with varicose veins.

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How to Praise Your Lady's Vagina

Jennifer Benjamin — 2009-10-05T16:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Sex, Dating/Love, Women, Impressing the Ladies, Below the Belt

In your sexual escapades, it's likely you've noticed most women are skilled at stroking a man's ego through exaggerated moans and the classic lines she uses to imply that your Johnson is the biggest she's ever (nearly) wrapped her hands around.

Well, as it turns out, her Southern Comfort is in need of a little appreciation of its own. According to a study by Indiana University, women who have a high opinion of their hoo-ha experience more orgasms than those who regard their sweet petunias as a source of shame.

So, if you want your girl to get off, not only should you praise her sex moves and her hot bod, but you may want to send some props south of the border as well.

At a loss for words? Read on for our vagina compliment primer."Your vagina is so much hotter than my last girlfriend's vagina."

"What's that light, refreshing scent? Do I detect hints of clean laundry? Ohhhhh, is that coming from down there?"

"Daym! You're as tight as a schoolgirl ... uh, but not in a weird, pervy way."

"Babe, I don't care about a little overgrowth. You could have a George Clinton thing happening in your panties, and I'd still think it's beautiful."

"I could spend all day and all night down there, with just a quick break for a glass of OJ and a Powerbar."

"You know, I never really cared much for va-jay-jay, until I tried yours."

"It's so snug down here. I hope I don't get stuck."

From the Web:

Bamboo Milk In The Shower... Who Needs Real Sex? (Burbia)
Oral Exams - Hone Your Skills. (Men's Fitness)

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America's Most Bizarre Lottery Scratch-Off Prizes

Jennifer Benjamin — 2009-10-05T11:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Games, Weird News

As we all know, our state and federal governments are playing with Monopoly money at this point. So, in order to drum up some much-needed cash, state lotteries are dreaming up increasingly gimmicky scratch-and-win cards, with equally novel payouts. Hey, it's better than an IOU or, at this point, a 401(k). Still, we want to meet the outside-the-box thinkers who came up with these prizes.

Green Bay Packers $10 Instant Scratch Game
It's never paid so well to be a loser. Last month, the Wisconsin Lotto printed 800,000 Packer scratch-off tickets which offered the chance to win up to $50,000 in cash. More interestingly, though, any losing tickets were eligible for a special drawing where the lucky winner reaped four club seats to every Packer home game for the next three seasons. Additional lesser prizes included 2010 home game tickets, gift cards and other Packers swag. The state estimated the tix would bring in about $2 million! Now that's some serious cheddar.Ric Flair Scratch-Off Tickets
Wooooooooo, wrestling fans! The North Carolina Education Lottery recently unveiled a commemorative scratch-off card featuring Ric "The Nature Boy" Flair, who lives in Raleigh and still wears leotards. (OK, we made that last part up.) With eight chances to win $100,000 and more than 500,000 other cash prizes, the NCEL is hoping to reel in a new crop of suckers so they can rake it in for the state.

Scented Crossword Tickets
OMG, it's a lotto ticket that doubles as aromatherapy! In an effort to appeal to their lady players (who make up the majority of Crossword ticket buyers), the Colorado Lottery has started selling $3 scratch-n-sniff lotto tickets in delightful scents like chocolate, coffee and bouquet. For guys though, this is even more of a win/win. Even if your ticket craps out you can just rub it under your arm and ... hello, free deodorant!

Michigan's 35th B-day Ticket
Last year, the Michigan Lottery celebrated its big birthday with a scratch-off worth $7 million in cash. To keep the party going, even those who lost could enter into a second-chance drawing where eight players won four years' tuition to a state university. There, ironically, they learned not to play scratch-off games anymore.

Summer Cash Scratch-n-Win
Last summer, Florida's state lottery responded to crazy-high gas prices with a special promotion. The first prize winner got a quarter of a million dollars ... yawn. The second prize winner, though, would receive FREE GAS FOR LIFE (via 26 $100 gas cards per year)! Whoa. Now we're talking! Of course, when you crunch the numbers, the gas was worth about $135,000 less than the grand prize, but still, in the summer of '08 we would have cut a man for some fuel.

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