Asylum Wants to Put Betty White's Hair on Your Chest

Congratulations to reader Dyan, winner of today's Noble Prize and the weekly giveaway of the official Asylum T-shirt, courtesy of Busted Tees. The new tee features Betty White, friend of animals, fire of our loins, and light of our life. And what exactly did Dyan do to deserve this? NOTHING ... except leave a comment. Each week, we'll randomly select one commenter to receive a free shirt. ...

Read More »

Reader Gets More Walk-Outs Than a Harmony Korine Film

We recently reported on a British study that quoted the average number of a woman's sex partners as 6.3. We only use fractions when we're buying drugs, so we didn't really understand the whole ".3" business, but luckily reader ChronicColonic was helpful enough to explain to us how one can have a third of a sex partner, and for this, he takes today's Noble Prize. "You know, I am the .3 that the...

Read More »

Asylum Wants You to Wear Betty White Like a Shirt

Congratulations to reader Ja'moke, winner of today's Noble Prize and the weekly giveaway of the official Asylum T-shirt, courtesy of Busted Tees. The new tee features Betty White, friend of animals, fire of our loins, and light of our life. And what exactly did Ja'moke do to deserve this? NOTHING ... except leave a comment. Each week, we'll randomly select one commenter to receive a free...

Read More »

Readers Are Cartoonishly Aroused

If getting off to pictures of cartoons is wrong, we don't want to be right. So we were psyched when Rule 34 went mainstream and Playboy ran a cover with chartreuse siren Marge Simpson. We went to the pervy streets and asked you guys which fake hotties you'd like to see denuded of their fictitious clothing. Heavytoka said, "Don't forget Betty Cooper From 'Archie,' Judy Jetson from 'The Jetsons,'...

Read More »

Readers Actually Sort of Indifferent to Whatever Happened to Predictablility

We're so enjoying the "Seinfeld" reunion story arc on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (that Larry David! So racist, so crotchety, so well-matched with Evan Rachel Wood) that we decided to post about other reunion shows we'd like to see ("Cheers," "Saved by the Bell") as well as a few we wouldn't ("Family Matters," "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place"). As usual, our faithful readers responded with their...

Read More »

Reader Nominates Austin for Best City to Raise an Undead Family

The University of Florida recently added a "zombie attack" strategy to the disaster-recovery plans on its Web site (because our most dong-shaped state doesn't get enough weird publicity). The college recommended using "baseball bats and explosives" to combat the brain-starved undead, which one reader in Texas's most plaid-rich city thought was just plain unfriendly. "Kris" takes today's Noble...

Read More »

Readers Like Their Coitus 'Girl, Interrupted'

If crazy people never got laid, the world would be a sad place. There would be no dumpster sex. There would be no dangerous homemade sex toys. There would be no Weston Cage! We posted about our favorite sexy lunatics on film, and you guys responded with your own tantalizing nutbars. For this, we award you today's Noble Prize. Heavytoka said, "Don't forget Malin Akerman in 'The Heartbreak Kid'...

Read More »

Readers Know Ophelia Would Be Alive, If Only She Carried a Clawhammer

After we posted on CNN reporter Rick Sanchez's daring escape from a sinking car, a surprisingly large number of readers shared their own experience with being trapped in in submerged vehicles. What are you guys doing in your cars? Making nachos? We're going to give you the Noble Prize, but with a stern caveat to watch where you're going. Heavytoka said, "Or keep a gun in your car so you can...

Read More »

Reader Warns Us to Wash Our Hands After Petting a Lama

Whenever we meet a spiritual leader and we're wondering how to greet him, we ask ourselves, What would Howie Mandel do? So we especially approved of the mayor of Memphis's recent choice to fist bump the Dalai Lama. Reader BattleAngel takes today's Noble Prize for agreeing with his decision to hand-punch the highest religious officer of the Tibetan Buddhists on the grounds that he's probably...

Read More »

1 Out of 1 Helens Agree, Police Corruption Is a Problem

We recently posted about a couple of police officers who were reprimanded for playing a suspect's Nintendo Wii in the middle of a drug raid. (Where did they think they were? Google HQ?) Reader Helen had to respond. Helen is no dummy! She's seen "Training Day"! She takes today's Noble Prize for taking a hard line against the thin blue one. "I'm truly amazed that they didn't confiscate all the...

Read More »