We know what you're thinking: Dolls are for girls. And we tend to agree (with certain exceptions). Still, there's something to be said about a girly plaything that's inadvertently creepy as hell. And that something is "I need to get one of those for my asshole of a niece/sister/daughter." So, behold the most disturbing dolls in toy land; order one today for that special little girl you want to ...

Mucking up your own suicide attempt has got to be a real blow to the self-esteem. But failing because a pile of trash got in the way between you and self-inflicted death? Ouch. When 26-year-old Vangelis Kapatos found out that his landlord was evicting him from his rent-controlled apartment in Midtown Manhattan, he apparently took the ruling literally and jumped out his ninth-floor window. ...

Most people looking to gussy up their property would just stick a tacky lawn ornament in the dirt and call it a day. David Dilday, however, decorated his lawn with a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. Suck on that, garden gnomes. Combining a childhood dream with impressive handyman skills, Dilday built a replica of the set from "M*A*S*H" in his Orlando, Fla., backyard. "I wanted people to feel they ...

The next time you lose your keys, check your butt. They might be in there. Because besides being fun to ogle and rent out as ad space, the human derriere has an extraordinary capacity to store things. It's like nature's little knapsack. Just don't expect to easily retrieve your belongings. "Rectal foreign bodies," as they're known in the medical world, come in all shapes, sizes and degrees ...

Masturbation can be many things: a stress reliever, cure for boredom, antisocial route to orgasm or a means of leaving your seed plastered all over the toys in Wal-Mart. But most of all, masturbation is an act of self-love, and humans aren't the only ones loving themselves. Animals, too, can wank it just as well as the opposable-thumbed species. (Only when they do in public, it's cute and ...

Sure, there's already been a live-action movie remake of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," but the video you're about to see is special because it didn't rely on big-budget effects or high-paid actors; the force behind it was pure passion. And a ridiculous amount of free time. With incredible accuracy and really cheap costumes, watch as a group of six men transform into weapons-swinging reptiles, ...

Hell hath no fury like a fast food worker scorned. Piss one off, and you not only risk eating your Big Mac with an extra dollop of loogie. In some bizarre cases, you might also be smacked with offensive comments written on your bill. Lately there's been a rash of these disgruntled cash register jockeys, passive-aggressively insulting patrons for being whiny little a-holes. Because even though ...

Other than sending warm wishes to that special someone on International Pole-Dancing Day, the greeting card and exotic-dancing industries rarely intersect. But one enterprising and flexible lady has found a way to combine the two forms of "art" on a daily basis. Meet Jill-Anne, a greeting card designer who pole-dances in her Manhattan shop to help lure in customers. She also offers a free ...

If there's anyone who condemns saggy pants more than cranky old people and the belt industry, it's Bobby White, principal of Westside Middle School in Memphis. White launched the "Urkel Initiative" to get his students to wear their britches in a respectable fashion that keeps their scrotes from hanging out. Those caught sagging will be punished with the ultimate humiliation: Their pants will ...

Of all the incredible things an iPad can do, time traveling is not one of them ... until now. Architect Paula Patterson (left) of BKNYdesign designed the V-luxe, an iPad stand that looks like a retro television set. Get it and pretend that you're living in the 1960s as the only person in the world who has a TV that can pull up porn (or any of the other riches of the Internet) on command. ...