Asylum

'The Runaways,' 'Greenberg,' 'Repo Men' and More in New Movies

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-19T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Tasty Vittles, Movies

Required viewing from the week in movies.

Yes, Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning make out in "The Runaways." But we're also interested in seeing the awesome Michael Shannon ("Revolutionary Road") as crazy group founder Kim Fowley. His sharp performance should take your mind off of your uncomfortable feelings regarding Fanning.

Also in theaters:
-- Ben Stiller goes serious in "Greenberg," the latest melancholy, "white people with problems" movie from writer/director Noah Baumbach ("The Squid and the Whale"). Don't forget -- sometimes mopey Ben Stiller can produce great results (see: "The Royal Tenenbaums").
-- Word is "Repo Men," the sci-fi thriller that finds Jude Law and Forest Whitaker repossessing mechanical organs in a health-care-crisis-gone-wild future, is pretty gruesome. Could it be the most disturbing Jude Law movie since "A.I."?
-- "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" is the Swedish big-screen adaptation of Stieg Larsson's best-selling crime novel. See it now, so you can properly complain about the inevitable English-language remake.

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'God of War III,' 'Dragon Age,' 'Metro 2033' and More in New Video Games

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-18T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Games, Tasty Vittles

Required playing from the week in video games.

Kratos -- the ripped hero who looks like what would happen if a 13-year-old MMA fan designed a Greek warrior-- returns in "God of War III." The fact that this final trilogy piece is pretty much identical to the previous two is sort of moot. Fans of this franchise know what they want: gratuitous beheadings and pixelated (NSFW) boobies. For better or worse, this franchise is going to run forever.

Also in stores:
-- "Dragon Age: Origins Awakening" is the first expansion pack for last year's hit RPG "Dragon Age: Origins."
-- In the survival-horror RPG "Metro 2033," you battle horrifying beasts called "The Dark Ones" in an underground post-apocalyptic Moscow. As Yakov Smirnoff would say, "In post-apocalyptic Russia, game plays you!"
-- "Resonance of Fate," an RPG that looks an awful lot like "Final Fantasy," also takes place on an Earth overrun by poisonous gases. That doesn't explain why the title sounds like a late-period Cure album.

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Asylum Readers' Dream Girl Discovered

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-18T12:00:00+00:00

Filed under: The Noble Prize

Our readers know what they like. So when we unveiled our list of women who are hot for reasons we don't quite understand, you guys chimed in with your picks for the type of gal that puts the marshmallows in your cocoa. (Aww!)

Lyle wrote, "Girls who like beer!!"

DanielGrayCard offered, "Definitely girls with a tough side. I don't like girls who are manly, but wimpy babies are a turn off."

Ran added, "Also girls with dark and large sunglasses. It's like you dont know if she is looking at you or not so you keep your cool."

Finally, Fakir005, told us, "The kind of girl that I think is hot is the girl who thinks she is hot."

Wait a minute ... likes booze, is tough (but still feminine), wears dark sunglasses and thinks she's hot stuff? I think we just found our readers' dream girl...

Find out who after the jump.

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Jesse James Cheating on Sandra Bullock With 'Bombshell'; Obama Supports Tiger Woods

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-18T10:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Celebrity, Cheat Sheet, News

Showbiz news you actually want, from geek gossip to celeb train-wrecks.

Jesse James is reportedly cheating on Sandra Bullock with a tattooed, adult website model named "Bombshell." (Radar Online)

President Barack Obama threw his support behind Tiger Woods. (TMZ)

Ryan Reynolds was spotted on the set of "Green Lantern" wearing the power ring. Or, possibly, his wedding ring. (FilmDrunk)

Kristen Stewart rocks out in her underwear as Joan Jett in the latest clip from "The Runaways." (Daily Fill)

Sasha Grey plays "Dungeons & Dragons" with other porn stars in a new web series. (Topless Robot)

Cast members of "Lost" saying "mmm...cake" is probably the weirdest things you'll see today. (The Blemish)

Celebrate the release of "God of War III" with a gallery of creepy Kratos cosplay. (Unreality Mag)

Rose McGowan has been cast as Red Sonja in the "Conan the Barbarian" remake. (Screen Junkies)

Save yourself the ten bucks and enjoy this gallery featuring "She's Out of My League"-star Alice Eve. (Maxim)

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'Ninja Assassin,' 'Mystery Science Theater 3000,' 'Breaking Bad' and More New DVDs

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-17T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Tasty Vittles, Movies, TV

Required viewing from the week in DVD and Blu-ray.

The latest "MST3K" collection, "Mystery Science Theater 3000: XVII," features the much-requested flicks "The Final Sacrifice" and "Blood Waters of Dr. Z." Plus, you get the very first episode ("The Crawling Eye"), with a special introduction by original host Joel Hodgson. Let the "Joel versus Mike" debates begin anew!

Also in stores:
-- How does a movie with the title "Ninja Assassin" tank at the box office? Still, it's safe to say that fans of Stephen Colbert arch-rival / Korean pop star Rain (and ninja assassins) won't be disappointed.
-- While "The Princess and the Frog" doesn't measure up to the golden age of "Aladdin" and "The Lion King," it's certainly the best traditionally animated Disney movie since "Lilo & Stitch."
-- Catch up with one of the best shows on TV before its new season begins with "Breaking Bad: Season Two," and season one, both newly released on Blu-ray. Who knew the dad from "Malcolm in the Middle" had such range? And what happened to the kid who played Dewey? Boy, the kids on that show have not aged well.

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Asylum Wants to Dress You Up in Betty White's Love

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-17T12:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Women, Celebrity, The Noble Prize

Congratulations to reader Linsey Ernst, winner of today's weekly giveaway of the official Asylum T-shirt, courtesy of Busted Tees. The tee features Betty White, friend of animals, fire of our loins and light of our life.

And what exactly did Linsey Ernst do to deserve this swag?

NOTHING (except leave a comment on one of our posts). Each week, we randomly select one commenter to receive a free shirt. This week, we randomly selected Linsey. (So there.)

If you want one, all you've got to do is give us a piece of your mind in the comments section of any of our posts. The more you comment, the better your chances of winning.

So, Linsey, enjoy your prize! We hope your river of esteem for our favorite Golden Girl runs as deep as ours. (We cannot wait for the upcoming "Women of Comedy" episode of "Saturday Night Live," which she's co-hosting! Congrats, grassroots Internet movements, for finally getting something right!)

For more GILF-friendly shirts, check out the selection from our friends at Busted Tees.

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Amanda Seyfried Talks Lesbian Love Scene; Feldman Skips Haim's Funeral

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-17T10:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Celebrity, Cheat Sheet, News

Showbiz news you actually want, from geek gossip to celeb train wrecks.

Corey Haim was laid to rest on Tuesday in a quiet funeral ceremony. Corey Feldman did not attend out of respect for Haim's mother. (The Blemish)

Amanda Seyfried doesn't want her dad to watch her lesbian love scene with Julianne Moore in her new film, "Chloe." (Daily Fill)

DMX was sentenced to six months in jail for violating probation. (TMZ)

Tiger Woods will be coming back to golf for the Masters next month. (With Leather)

Sasha Grey will play a "Jesus freak" in the horror movie "Hallows." (Screen Junkies)

Kendra Wilkinson will not pose for Playboy again. (Radar Online)

Check out the latest clip from the new Comedy Central series "Ugly Americans." (Maxim)

Tilda Swinton and Uma Thurman are two of the 10 strangest-looking actresses in Hollywood. (Unreality Mag)

Kanye West or Jon Gosselin? Who will win the 2010 Douchebag Tournament? (Holy Taco)

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White Stripes, Ludacris, Runaways Anthology and More in New Music

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-16T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Tasty Vittles, Music

Required listening from the week in music.

The live album "Under Great Northern Lights" chronicles The Whites Stripes' 2007 trek across Canada. The accompanying tour documentary shows Meg and Jack White on and off stage, in what could quite possibly be their final tour. Well, final tour as The White Stripes anyway. Jack has so many side projects, Meg is bound to show up in one of them eventually. (Listen to the full album now on Spinner.)

Also in stores:
-- Fans of Stephin Merritt and The Magnetic Fields will want to check out his score for the Off-Broadway musical production of Neil Gaiman's "Coraline." A musical and a movie? What will "Coraline" become next? Pogs, perhaps? Okay, probably not pogs.
-- Does your knowledge of The Runaways begin and end with "Cherry Bomb"? Well, the "Mercury Albums Anthology: The Runaways" is here to educate you on the musical stylings of Joan Jett, Lita Ford, Cherie Currie and the rest, before the Kristen Stewart / Dakota Fanning movie hits theaters. Hopefully the sequel will be set in the '80s when Jett was with the Blackhearts and Ford hung out with Ozzy.
-- Ludacris continues his scientific investigation into the correlation between low-rise pants and a woman's stature on "How Low," the lead single off "Battle of the Sexes." Is he supposed to be one of the mirror ghosts from the Haunted Mansion ride in that video?

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'Star Wars' Burlesque Star Inspires Hilarious Puns

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-16T12:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Women, The Noble Prize, Movies

Recently we spoke to Courtney Cruz, the woman behind the "Star Wars" Stormtrooper burlesque that is currently heating up the Web. Turns out our readers are just as enamored with this sultry servant of Lord Vader as we are. While they might not be tattooing her on their arms, Courtney's stage show inspired readers to offer some hilarious "Star Wars"-themed puns.

Jonathan took the opportunity to channel a popular television detective with his comment: "Obligatory 'CSI: Miami' opening:

Caruso: Star Wars Tattoo, eh? Looks like that guy's been ... [puts on sunglasses] to TATTOOINE.

YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sha-Diddy employed a variation of our favorite Ralph Wiggum quote: "She makes me want to do a Han-Solo with my Wookie." (We're not entirely sure what that means, but it probably has something to do with masturbation.)

Finally, smokeyanthony says what we're all thinking: "She's the droid I've been searching for."

These comments just prove what we already knew: Asylum readers are Jedi Knights at describing their sex lives with "Star Wars" quotes.

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Kate Winslet Single; 'Jersey Shore''s J-Woww Swears Off Breast Implants

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-16T10:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Celebrity, Cheat Sheet, News

Showbiz news you actually want, from geek gossip to celeb train wrecks.

Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes split up after seven years of marriage. (The Blemish)

"Jersey Shore" star Jenni "J-Woww" Farley has vowed never to get another breast augmentation surgery. (Popeater)

Jeff Garlin ripped Jay Leno, saying that the "Tonight Show" host "has no character." (TMZ)

Amanda Seyfried wore a nude body stocking in a new Esquire pictorial. (FilmDrunk)

Combine your love of sexy women and bracketology in the "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness." (Esquire)

"Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane" and "Captain Marvel" are two kid-friendly comics destined for the big screen. (AMC SciFi Scanner)

Andre Agassi accused Pete Sampras of being cheap. (With Leather)

The first trailer for "Treme," the latest show from the creator of "The Wire," has hit the Web. (Screen Junkies)

Find out what happened to Danny Lloyd from "The Shining" and other child stars of classic horror movies. (Unreality Mag)

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'The Pacific,' Superman Exposed, Jesse Ventura's Conspiracy Theories and More

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-15T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Tasty Vittles

Required reading from the week in books.

If you're enjoying HBO's "The Pacific," the companion book by historian Hugh Ambrose should be right up your alley. HBO miniseries about war and their companion books: making dads cry since "Band of Brothers."

Also in stores:
-- Chelsea Handler takes on boyfriends, family and booze in "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang," her latest collection of essays. If you're a fan of "Chelsea Lately," it's like that -- only without the annoying comedians and the poor little person Chelsea always rips on.
-- "Our Hero: Superman on Earth" examines Superman's place as an enduring icon of truth, justice and the American way. Someone needs to write a follow-up on how Lois Lane has set journalists back to the "His Girl Friday" days. Seriously, she still can't see through Clark Kent's glasses?
-- Jesse Ventura offers an extension of his TruTV show, "Conspiracy Theory With Jesse Ventura," with his latest book "American Conspiracies: Lies, Lies, and More Dirty Lies That the Government Tells Us." You might say he's putting the "body breaker" on conspiracies. You might say that, if you're big wrestling dork.

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Readers Would Like You to Stop Butchering These Karaoke Classics

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-15T12:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Booze, The Noble Prize, Music

Recently we asked some barkeeps for their picks of the most commonly butchered karaoke jams. While they singled out usual suspects like "Don't Stop Believin'" and "Sweet Caroline" -- a bar full of people singing "bum bum bum" in unison always unsettles a drinkslinger -- you guys offered some fantastic suggestions for songs that you hope to never hear belted by a sloshed frat guy at 2 a.m.

Cleezy sympathized with a suggestion offered by Candice from Ego's Lounge: "It's comforting to know that I'm probably not the only one to be booed off the stage while rocking out to 'Baby Got Back.'"

Pete suggested any song with a lengthy instrumental solo: "Nothing kills a karaoke bar like somebody awkwardly dancing through the guitar solo portion of 'Hotel California,' or having to hear 'American Pie''s refrain come back around for the 30th time."

Jo shared a tale of woe from her days of working as a karaoke hostess: "By far, the WORST song was 'I Will Always Love You' -- seriously, drunk girls singing that one actually led me to leave the bar for the duration of the song ..."

Finally, Matt Goodwin reminded us of a classic '80s soft-rock tune that we've attempted on several (drunken) occasions: "I would nominate the song, 'Africa,' by Toto. If you think you can hit the 'bless the rains' chorus without spitting up blood, you're a damn fool."

Truer words were rarely spoken, Matt. We could never measure up to the smooth vocal stylings of Toto frontman Bobby Kimball and his mighty mustache of power.

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'South Park' Rips on Tiger Woods; 'Predators' Hits SXSW

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-15T10:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Celebrity, Cheat Sheet, News

Showbiz news you actually want, from geek gossip to celeb train-wrecks.

Tiger Woods is getting the "South Park" treatment in the show's season premiere on Wednesday. (Radar Online)

The first trailer for "Predators," the upcoming "Predator" reboot, screened at SXSW 2010. (Screen Junkies)

Peter Graves, star of "Mission: Impossible" and "Airplane," died of a sudden heart attack at the age of 83. (Popeater)

The artist behind the "I'm With Coco" poster discussed his newfound Internet fame, as well as Conan O'Brien's upcoming tour. (TMZ)

Lady Gaga's nine-minute video for "Telephone" (NSFW) is filled with references to Quentin Tarantino films. (The Blemish)

Steven Spielberg could direct an adaptation of the sci-fi novel "Robopocalypse." (UGO)

Model Irina Krupnik is suing Universal for using her photo in "Couple's Retreat." It served as masturbation fodder for Jon Favreau's character. (FilmDrunk)

Erin Andrews was spotted rehearsing for "Dancing With the Stars." (With Leather)

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For Sale -- World's Oldest Whiskey; Student Elopes With Teacher; 'Alice' Porn

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-15T09:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Sex, Entertainment, Booze, Asylum Network News

Checking in with Asylum bureaus from around the world.

Leave it to Asylum Italy to remind us that before "Alice in Wonderland" was a hit Tim Burton movie, it was a '70s porn musical.

Asylum UK alerted us to the sale of the world's oldest whiskey.

Asylum India has news of a 16-year-old boy who eloped with his 21-year-old teacher.

ComicsAlliance spotted an elusive "male Slave Leia cosplayer" at the Emerald City Comic-Con.

Asylum France discovered that boozing it up can actually fight obesity.

StreetLevel knows which Marvel Comics characters will be gracing the latest gear from Airwalk.

Asylum Japan showed us video of a crazy rally where trucks jump over people.

Asylum Germany has footage of a lingerie show that took place in icy conditions.

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'Green Zone,' 'Mother,' 'She's Out of My League' and More in New Movies

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-12T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Tasty Vittles, Movies

Required viewing from the week in movies.

The spine-tingling Korean murder mystery "Mother" is director Bong Joon-ho's follow-up to the awesome monster movie "The Host." This time out, the story involves a mother who must defend her son when he is accused of murder. With only two features under his belt, Joon-ho is proving that he can tackle any genre. Perhaps a zombie musical-comedy could be next?

Also in theaters:
-- Matt Damon re-teams with his "Bourne Supremacy" director for the Iraq War drama "Green Zone." And (wouldn't you know it?) it looks like "Bourne in Baghdad."
-- Poor Jay Baruchel. So funny in "Undeclared." He deserves better than subpar Judd Apatow comedies like "She's Out of My League."
-- If your girlfriend drags you to see the romantic weepie "Remember Me" this weekend, beware the Twi-hards. They'll bite ya! (Or at least try to before getting distracted by RPattz's piercing blue eyes.)

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Conan O'Brien Annouces Tour Dates; Leonardo da Vinci -- Action Hero?

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-12T10:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Celebrity, Cheat Sheet, News

Showbiz news you actually want, from geek gossip to celeb train-wrecks.

Tour dates for Conan O'Brien's live show were announced. (Popeater)

Leonardo da Vinci will become an action hero in "Leonardo da Vinci and the Soldiers of Forever." (Screen Junkies)

Tiger Woods could return to the PGA Tour in two weeks. (With Leather)

"Celebrity Rehab" wants to recruit DMX. (TMZ)

Michelle Branch showed off her lower back ink. (The Blemish)

"Walk the Line" and "Pulp Fiction" are two of the 20 most visually stimulating movie posters. (Daily Fill)

Whitney Port from "The City" was spotted in a bikini. (Ninja Dude)

Are these sexy girls actually gamers? Do you even care? (Holy Taco)

Tricia Helfer, of "Battlestar Galactica" fame, is one of the great girls of geekdom. (UGO)

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'Final Fantasy XIII,' 'Yakuza 3,' 'Racquet Sports' and More in New Video Games

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-11T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Tasty Vittles

Required playing from the week in video games.

The long-awaited "Final Fantasy XIII" features a cutting-edge battle system, seamless cinematics and ... wait a sec, you're playing it right now, aren't you? If you aren't on board with "Final Fantasy" at this point, you probably never will be. Though may we recommend the "Kingdom Hearts" games as a good entry point? Pairing FF characters with Donald Duck and Goofy is pretty much the greatest idea ever.

Also in stores:
-- Sure, "Yakuza 3" features plenty of "Grand Theft Auto"-style murdering and mayhem. But it's the mini-games -- everything from darts to karaoke -- that are the real selling point. There is even something called "aromatherapy massage." Hey, the game still needs some illicit vice.
-- "Racquet Sports" lives up to its name with Wii versions of badminton, squash, beach tennis and more. When are we going to get a good old-fashioned lawn tennis game?
-- The survival horror game "Calling" lets you use your Wiimote as a cell phone or flashlight. Weirdly enough, the Wiimote gives you 4G coverage. Is there anything it can't do?

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Pizza Box of the Future Company Thanks Asylum With Adorable Video

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-11T12:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Food, The Noble Prize

Back in April of last year, we brought to your attention a video of the Green Box, an amazing pizza box of the future. Created by the geniuses at Environmentally Conscious Organization, Incorporated, the Green Box is made from 100 percent-recycled material which can easily be separated into sections for plates and leftover storage. (If only we had this back in college. Think of the trees that we'd have saved!)

As a thank you for bringing the Green Box to the masses, Jen Wright of ECO, Inc. sent us a special message and a link to the company's heartwarming (and hilarious) new ad.

Here's Jen's message (the adorable video is below):

"From the bottom of our hearts, we at ECO Incorporated (makers of the
Green Box - the Pizza Box of the Future) would humbly like to thank the
folks at Asylum for their unwavering support!

Amazingly, a quick review of our youtube analytics reveals that, of the
809K hits our Green Box video has received, more than ONE QUARTER were
kindly brought to us by Asylum.com. As a start-up company, we are
greatly appreciative of this attention!

On that note, we thought that your readers might be interested in
viewing our next video; it'll tug at their heartstrings a little and
maybe, just maybe make them want to save the world - one pizza
box at a time for a little pizza eater of their own one day."

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Corey Feldman Remembers Corey Haim; Lindsay Lohan Sues E-Trade

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-11T10:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Celebrity, Cheat Sheet, News

Showbiz news you actually want, from geek gossip to celeb train-wrecks.

Corey Feldman addressed rumors of an overdose that allegedly caused his pal Corey Haim's death on "Larry King Live." (TMZ)

Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade for $100 million for using her first name in a recent ad featuring its talking babies. (The Blemish)

A clip from Corey Haim's final movie was released. (FilmDrunk)

AMC is teaming with Mattel for a series of "Mad Men" Barbie dolls. (AV Club)

Tiger Woods' lover Jamie Jungers was named "Miss Mistress" on "The Howard Stern Show." (Popeater)

Robert Pattinson claims he was beaten up a lot as a kid. (Daily Fill)

Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt rob a bank in a musical short film from the director of "(500) Days of Summer." (Unreality Mag)

Demi Moore is teaching her daughter Rumer how to pole dance. (Actress Archives)

Here are some photos of super-hot Internet model Shay Maria. (Holy Taco)

Check out what would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a pass at "The Smurfs" script. (UGO)

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'Boondock Saints II,' 'Up in the Air,' 'Precious' and More in New DVDs

Nicholas Nadel — 2010-03-10T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Tasty Vittles, Movies, TV

Required viewing from the week in DVD and Blu-ray.

While "Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day" was pretty underwhelming when compared to the insane original, it makes for fascinating viewing when paired with "Overnight," a documentary about writer/director Troy Duffy's sudden rise to fame (and subsequent flameout). Plus, Julie Benz from "Dexter" plays an FBI agent in the "Boondocks" sequel. That should get you through the movie's many rough parts.

Also in stores:
-- We kind of can't believe that "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire" beat the subtle and amusing "Up in the Air" for Best Adapted Screenplay at the Oscars. Did the Academy simply vote for the one that had the words "based on the novel" in the title and call it a day?
-- Dig the throwback adventure of "Human Target" and "Chuck"? Then check out the first season of "Scarecrow and Mrs. King." Bruce Boxleitner and Kate Jackson were doing the whole tongue-in-cheek adventure thing way back in 1983.
-- There was a "Tremors" TV series on USA? Here's a better question: Why hasn't the original movie been remade yet? Kevin Bacon and giant worms? Seems like a no-brainer.

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