'Don't Taze My Granny' -- 86-Year-Old Disabled Woman in Bizarre Dispute

Lona Varner, an 86 year-old, disabled grandmother is set to take the stand this week in Oklahoma federal court, after filing suit in a bizarre case involving a thwarted 911 call, World War II and the greatest taser-related quote since "Don't taze me, bro." Varner and her grandson, Lonnie Tinsley, filed suit after police tased Varner as she lay in her bed in December 2009. That's pretty much the...

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Man Finds Fiancee in Gang Bang, Sells Ring on Craigslist

Public, anonymous and still widely unregulated, Craigslist is the ideal platform for scorned revenge-seekers. Which is why we weren't surprised to come across the following ad in the "Jewelry" section of Louisville Craigslist. In it, the poster attempts to sell a "never used" engagement ring after walking in on his fiancée in the middle of a gang bang. Asylum reached out to the poster...

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Ohio Kids Stage Flash Mob for LeBron James

The students at the Boys and Girls Clubs of Greater Cleveland and the Shaker (Ohio) Dance Academy have been working on their moves for weeks. The dancers, ranging in age from 8 to 18, entertained shoppers at the Tower City Center in Cleveland by breaking into song and dance in an effort to explain what LeBron James means to them. The flash mob, which performed Bonnie Tyler's "More Than a Hero,"...

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Entire Family Indicted In Teen Girl Fight

Bringing new meaning to the concept of togetherness, an entire Cleveland family has been indicted for instigating a fight between their daughter and another teenage girl. Cleveland Police say a mother and father loaded up their car, drove to the driveway of the victim and instructed their daughter to "handle her business." According to a police report reviewed by Asylum, the "fightin'...

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Police Make Withdrawal of Dumb Criminal Found Inside ATM

An 18-year-old Boston teen who apparently forgot how to use an ATM card was rescued by police after the man was caught inside an ATM. Police say he was attempting to steal from the machine. According to Haverhill police, David Haskell cut a hole in the drywall above a Bank of America ATM, climbed into the back and was attempting to steal money from inside when an alarm sounded. Investigators...

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Openbook Exposes Facebook Privacy Issues, Racism

Over the past few weeks, various protest sites have sprung with the goal of getting people to either confront Facebook management over privacy issues or to leave the social networking giant all together. But a new website called Openbook might just be the wake-up call that so far has eluded most Facebook users. The site is a searchable log of all public Facebook statuses. The site has a...

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Is This Ohio Gardener the Latest Serial Killer?

To the canon of three-named creepy loners who have distinguished themselves by an insatiable bloodlust, we may soon be adding 67-year-old Nolan Ray George. The twice-convicted murderer who until recently was tending to flower beds and mowing lawns at an Amelia, Ohio, apartment complex is now considered a suspect in at least five homicides in Michigan, Kentucky and Ohio, according to the Oakland...

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Asylum Accidentally Narcs on Publicly Funded Nude Maid Service

When it came to Asylum's attention that Omaha woman Kia Carroll's nude "cleaning" company was making waves with local residents, we had to investigate. Sadly for our dirty carpets (and minds), the woman who answered the phone at ODd'z and En'z Janitorial Service told us she wasn't accepting clients. But there was more to the story. The address on the fliers that originally started the whole...

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Texas Entrepreneur to BP -- 'I Can Fix the Damn Oil Leak!'

The news keeps getting worse for British Petroleum PLC. Yesterday the company had to suspend its latest effort to stop the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, as the specialty saw used by corporate engineers became stuck within the pipe. BP's most recent failures come as no surprise to Texas businessman and colorful character Daniel E. Davis. The CEO of the D.E. Davis Group, a consortium of...

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Georgia Labor Department Posts Stripper Listing

How bad is the economy? Bad enough for the Georgia Department of Labor to accept listings for exotic dancers on its employment website. The advertisement doesn't require that applicants have previous experience, but the right candidate "must have people skills." Also mandated is "a neat appearance" -- which may or may not rule out C-section scars and cigarette burns. Listed in the hamlet of...

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