Every man remembers the first time he copped a feel. My first happened in the woods by my house during seventh-grade Christmas break. I felt confident due to the new badass Nirvana T-shirt I wore under my flannel shirt. The breast belonged to Mona, a sultry Mexicana. I thought she looked like a Fly Girl dancer on "In Living Color." Paler than the rest of her coffee skin, her breasts glowed ...

Trend investigator Ryan McKee has analyzed the best commercials from last night's Super Bowl broadcast. After looking over the data, he's come to the conclusion that the brands flashed at the end of each spot may not be the true beneficiaries of the small fortunes invested in each advertisement. Follow along as McKee tests your memory (and his own) while trying to recall what products or ...

Ryan McKee, Asylum's resident genius, analyzes the latest Internet trends. Those celebrating Black History Month may have good intentions. However, so did the Communists. Many African-Americans feel putting aside a special month to recognize their history undermines their cultural achievements. Rather, they believe Americans should recognize every nationality's histories throughout the year. ...

Ryan McKee, Asylum's resident genius, analyzes the latest Internet trends. In Stuart, Fla., sharks attacked and killed a kite surfer named Stephen Schafer. This tragic event happened only a day after the University of Florida released its five-point "Shark-Induced Trauma Scale," a kind of Richter Scale for shark attacks, which assigns a numerical value to attack severity. Trend investigator ...

Ryan McKee, Asylum's resident genius, analyzes the latest Internet trends. This morning's announcement of the Academy Award nominations showed a wide range of tastes from animated old men in "Up" to animated blue men in "Avatar." There was also the statutory rape in "An Education" and the incestuous rape in "Precious." Ahhh, it really was a feelgood year at the cinema. True movie fans will ...

Ryan McKee, Asylum's resident genius, analyzes the latest Internet trends. Over the years, people have forgotten the true meaning of Groundhog Day. The Feb. 2 holiday originated in medieval times as Candlemas, or Purification of the Virgin. Because many consider the original practices barbaric, the holiday was changed to honor our marmot friends' meteorological abilities. With the worshiping ...

"With an Animal," "Showing Off Muscles," and "Doing Something Interesting" are the top photo contexts for guys wanting to date a woman on OKCupid.com, according to their recent study, The 4 Big Myths of Profile Pictures. Since I don't want you to click away yet, I'll tell you the myths: 1) It's better to smile; 2) you shouldn't take your picture with a phone or webcam; 3) guys should keep ...

Ryan McKee, Asylum's resident genius, analyzes the latest Internet trends. All week trend investigator Ryan McKee has been trying to figure out what celebrity photo to post on his Facebook page for Doppelganger Week. The problem is that he doesn't have an obvious celebrity look-a-like. In his latest trend report video, McKee consults MyHeritage.com's celebrity look-a-like software and also ...

Ryan McKee, Asylum's resident genius, analyzes the latest Internet trends. Today, a popular search trend has been "Greg Oden dirty pictures." Of course, that can mean nothing other than nude photos of the 7-foot-tall Portland Trailblazer were leaked on the Web. Trend investigator Ryan McKee doesn't understand why people (especially men) would subject themselves to these depressing, ...

Ryan McKee, Asylum's resident genius, analyzes the latest Internet trends. Geeks everywhere are excited for today's State of the Union address by our leader, Steve Jobs. The Apple chief is unveiling new products and everyone is clamoring to figure out more details. Based on intense research, analysis and his own inside contacts, trend investigator Ryan has compiled a wish list of Apple ...