Earlier this week, the National Association for Business Economics announced a recent survey found that 48 of 50 economic forecasters believe a recession -- traditionally defined as two or more consecutive quarters with a shrinking gross domestic product -- is in full swing. It was tough news, especially if you like riches. On a positive note, Asylum did its own survey and found out that if the ...

Michael Phelps, who just became the most famous person in the world, supplanting the four-way tie of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Amy Winehouse and Barack Obama, is surely having his moment. So how does he extend his celebrity and avoid becoming another old, bitter and milk-mustached Mark Spitz after the ceremonies? Well, he starts now, by turning his Olympic glory into his next big ...

Let's admit the obvious: Getting caught for risky sex with a $5,500 hooker is a probable setback for the "Law & Order" Governor of New York, and is a definite boner crash. But it doesn't have to be a deal-breaker. Since his wince-inducing apology yesterday, Spitzer still has not resigned. If he takes our advice and spins this story the right way, he might somehow hold onto his job. Here's ...

A coupla weeks ago, Bill Clinton said if Hillary Clinton didn't win today's primaries in Texas and Ohio, that she was pretty much toast. Now that these states look like tossups, the Clinton campaign says Barack Obama has to convincingly win all four March 4 states (including Rhode Island and Vermont) for her to quit. (Jiminy Cricket, what will it take to convince this woman that her candidacy is ...

Were you concerned that fantasizing about women in high heels popping balloons was a little bit out of the ordinary? Fear no more. It gets weirder. Take out your Freudian-symbolism decoder, and get ready for the latest Japanese fetish you didn't know about: Trains, and more specifically, female train conductors. A new cafe with waitresses pretending to be train conductors is your ticket to a room ...

Sure, Hillary has attacked Barack for "Xeroxing" other people's speeches and relying on empty rhetoric, but has it stopped him from winning a string of primaries? Buck up, Hill. You can still snag the Democratic nomination. However, you may not be able to keep your dignity intact. Here are some nuclear options Hillary can use to pull this out. * Take issue with Michelle Obama's recent declaration ...

So, will.i.am thinks he can nick some Obama lines, string together a United Nations of lip-syncers (How did Kareem Abdul-Jabbar get roped into this?) and put Barack in the White House? Guess again, you "e.e. wannabe." John McCain's words lend themselves to a poetry that Obama can only hope to emulate. After the jump, see the cutting-edge Hillary version that ...

If a Democrat wins the race for the White House, it's destined to be a historic year, with either the first African-American (not counting Bill Clinton) or first woman (not counting George Herbert Walker Bush) running the White House. And the idea of a lady finally being on top has inspired us (and not just because we occasionally pay for that privilege). We got to thinking about the ladies we'd ...

In case you haven't realized that everything has been going fantastically for Hillary since Barack took the lead in the primary races, we'll explain to you what she's trying to say, quote by quote. For instance, after recently losing three straight primaries, she buoyantly declared to an audience: "Now is the exciting part!" Her reassurance was almost is as convincing as Kevin Bacon at the end of ...

You'd better sit down for this: After enduring 35 televised debates and millions of automated calls, the never-ending election is technically just beginning. Even "American Idol," which Fox milks until it's bone dry, has the decency to show itself the door after four months. We've gathered some evidence that suggests every, single candidate would like to be done with this damned election already. ...