Asylum

Class Clowns Rejoice as White House Answers Question From Mike Hunt

Tommy Christopher — 2010-12-23T18:00:00+00:00

This is the sound of an army of Beavises and Buttheads high-fiving each other. During his weekly Twitter quizzing, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs fielded a query from legendary homeroom absentee Mike Hunt, M.D. (Say it out loud a few times until that joke reveals itself to you.)

The question was one of two that Gibbs selected to answer on video this week. While he managed to avoid saying the good doctor's full name, Hunt's tweet is now immortalized on the White House website. While Asylum has induced its fair share of sophomoric titters in the White House, we salute you, Mr. Hunt. After the jump, video of Gibbs' response. (Video via Mediaite)
The Twitter user who asked the question, whose real name is James Hardy, credits "Porky's" as the inspiration for his snarky pseudonym, but the joke is as old as time itself -- and still hilarious every time.

Gibbs, unfortunately, mildly spoils the fun with his response, but he deserves props for fielding the question at all.

Tommy Christopher is Asylum's White House correspondent and close personal friend of Haywood JaBlowmey.

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Forget 2012 -- Billboards Say Judgment Day Is Sooner Than You Think

Tommy Christopher — 2010-12-03T10:30:00+00:00

Filed under: News, Paranoia Alert, Weird

Fans of the disaster flick "2012" and the Mayan prophecy that inspired it, may just want to step up their personal ark-building schedules. According to a gaggle of billboards that have been popping up around the world, the Mayans circled the wrong date. So, when the End of the World As We Know It arrives, their adherents won't feel fine.

According to the billboards, Judgment Day will occur on May 21, 2011, followed by the End of the World on Oct. 21, 2011.

While it's true that other doomsdays have come and gone, can we really afford to dismiss this many billboards? After the jump, we'll figure out if this is the real deal, or just an elaborate tease for season two of "The Walking Dead."The billboards are the work of eBibleFellowship.com and the website WeCanKnow.com, run by a group of believers undaunted by the biblical assertion that no man can know the hour of judgment. "Noah knew," they say, and they have a point. They arrive at the date of the Rapture by a rather complicated, yet compelling, means: Using the launch of Noah's Ark as a starting point (May 21, 4990 B.C.), they've determined that Judgment Day will arrive exactly 7,000 years later.

Of course, even within the End Times community, date-setting is somewhat controversial. The proprietor of the website Rapture Ready points out that thousands of such deadlines have come and gone, eroding credibility in the process. He also says that Rapture RSVPs can also have real-world consequences. "A couple of years back, one participant [on the site] threatened to kill himself after he thought he'd missed the Rapture."

While we don't advocate that kind of DIY apocalypse, all of this End Times chatter is unnerving. Sure, it's easy to scoff, but if you tweak the Mayan prophecy to compensate for the fact that there's no year zero, they're only off by exactly a couple of months. Hell, even a Rolex will slip a little over thousands of years.

Still think it's funny? Let's see you laugh at the fact that the government is funding construction of a full-size replica of Noah's Ark, complete with live animals. They say it's for a "theme park," but that's what you'd expect them to say. Next, they'll be telling us Barack Obama isn't the Antichrist.

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Progress! Asylum Fires Question at the President, Gets Wave

Tommy Christopher — 2010-09-02T11:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Video, Asylum Exclusive

Since becoming a White House reporter, I have so far only been able to communicate with the president through his press secretary, Robert Gibbs, and his deputies. While this is certainly rewarding, the real prize for any White House scribe is a direct-to-POTUS query.

As a rookie, though, this is a pretty tall order. Questioners at news conferences are decided on in advance, and it takes a lot of nerve to just start hollering questions at him after a speech. I recently discovered, however, that late-night Marine One landings are a golden opportunity to get in a question.

Although I froze that first time, I was ready for him at his most recent red-eye landing. Check out the results after the jump.

What I said was, "Mr. President, how do you respond to all the criticism over Michelle's trip to Spain?"

Alas, thanks to the idling Marine One helicopter, what he heard was "Mr. President, walla walla rhubarb rigga-goo Michelle tryptophan?"

Maybe next time, I'll put my question on a giant cue card, although with my luck, I'll probably hold it upside-down, or the helicopter will blow it out of my hands and into a pissed-off Secret Service agent.

Still, this is progress, especially when you compare it with this photo from the President's first news conference, back in February 2009. That's me with my hand up, the only idiot there who doesn't know I'm not going to get a question in. I got a wave then, but at least this time, I got my question out.

Tommy Christopher is Asylum's White House correspondent.

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Chris Young Competes for King of the Train-Wreck Candidates

Tommy Christopher — 2010-08-27T13:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Video, Weird News, Political Punditry

In a political season that has already given us accidental Senate candidate Alvin Greene (D-S.C.) and gubernatorial hopeful Basil Marceaux (R-Tenn.), we didn't think things could get any weirder.

Then we got a load of Providence Democratic mayoral candidate Chris Young, who not only broke into (truly awful) song (that he wrote himself) during a morning news interview, but he also proposed to his girlfriend in the middle of a live televised debate. And that was just on Wednesday.

Amusingly, neither television show seems to have bothered to check on Young, even a little bit. A perennial candidate (sometimes for more than one office at a time), Chris Young was arrested in April on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest when he disrupted a Patrick Kennedy forum on health care with a rant about abortion as eugenics. He was also ejected from a debate just last month for bringing a statue of the Virgin Mary with him onstage.

After the jump, check out video of some of Young's truly bizarre antics.Here's Chris Young on Fox Providence's "Rhode Show," breaking into an unplanned serenade of the clearly terrified host:

During a live televised debate later that day, Young proposed to girlfriend Kara Russo, herself a Republican candidate for Congress. Oh, and for Lieutenant Governor. She must have missed the filing deadline for Empress of the Universe.

The couple appeared on MSNBC the following day to discuss Young's grand gesture, and just as he had turned the normally sweet act of a serenade into a roller coaster of awkward, Young transformed the fluffy news segment into a nightmarish chamber of discomfort for anchor Tom Roberts. The zenith is when Young audibly reminds Russo that he's "just like Jesus Christ."

If Chris Young's website is to be believed, however, his relative success in past races is no laughing matter. According to his bio, he got 26 percent of the vote in the 2006 Providence mayoral race, without accepting a single campaign contribution. Of course, it's unclear how much good campaign cash would do him, if he spent it on ads that looked anything like his recent TV performances.

There's still some time left between now and November, but we think the political universe will be hard-pressed to top Chris Young before then. Help us, BasilMarceaux.com! You're our only hope!

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NY Governor David Paterson Praises 'Race to the C*ck'

Tommy Christopher — 2010-08-25T13:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Video, Weird News, Political Punditry

While giving a speech about President Obama's Race to the Top educational stimulus program, New York Governor David Paterson seems to have taken the "stimulus" part too literally.

As part of his announcement that his state would receive $700 million in funding, the governor thanked President Obama and Education Secretary Arne Duncan for "coming up with the Race to the C*ck ...Top program."

No word yet if Paterson plans to tap fellow New Yorker Rosanna Scotto to work on a new school lunch program.

After the jump, check out the video of Paterson's gaffe.

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Todd Palin Metaphorically Stuffs Curiosity-Seeker in Locker

Tommy Christopher — 2010-08-24T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Video, Weird Stuff

On the heels of another run-in with locals a few weeks ago, there's a new video circulating of Sarah Palin, along with her husband Todd, interfacing with their Alaskan brethren.

Shot last week at Valdez airport, this latest video features a Hans Moleman sound-alike mutely recording the Palins as they enter the airport ... until Sarah and Todd engage him.

Things get off to an awkward start in the parking lot, as shooter "Hawk" is impishly evasive, and Todd gets a little protective. Once inside the airport though, Todd employs some ninja stealth and winds up right in the guy's face, asking, "Why you shakin' so bad?"

After the jump, check out the video, and let us know if this is a gross overreaction or the normal impulse of a protective husband.

After their initial encounter, Valdez skateboard/espresso impresario Hawk says he turned the camera off, then was surprised when Todd accosted him 15 minutes later, demanding to know why he had taped Sarah, and getting an assist from a member of Greta Van Susteren's staff.

We can all relate to Todd's initial 'tude, as he has no way of knowing what the guy is up to and, despite what Palingates says, standoffishly videotaping a celeb is not the most normal thing in the world to do. There's also a world of difference between what we would do in that situation and what a respected political figure should do.

What's your take on Mr. Sarah Palin's passive-aggressive camera routine?

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Rapping Weatherman Nick Kosir Drops New Single

Tommy Christopher — 2010-08-18T13:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Humor, Video, Weird News, Vid of the Moment

All you other weathermen had better have your lunches packed and your bus passes ready -- rapping weatherman Nick Kosir is about to take you all to school.

Fox 4's fly forecaster (and friend of Asylum) has been entertaining Beaumont-area Texans with his funky five-day for over a year now, but he's just gotten around to producing his first full-length music video.

Cleverly titled "I'm a Weatherman," Nick's new joint has more flava than that Dorito you occasionally get with all the extra orange powder on it.

After the jump, check out "I'm a Weatherman," then hit Kosir up on Twitter and Facebook to let him know how you liked it.

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Fairfield, Iowa, Honors Pac-Man's Birthday With Honorary Citizenship

Tommy Christopher — 2010-08-10T11:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Games, Weird News, Asylum Exclusive

The International Video Game Hall of Fame inducts its first 29 members this week. The inaugural class is headed by iconic, dot-munching, ghost-hunting veteran Pac-Man. Since his introduction to the U.S. in 1980, Pac-Man has inspired a host of imitators, a plethora of merchandise and an eponymous "Fever".

The a-maze-ing little guy is also celebrating his 30th birthday this year. And the Mayor of Fairfield, Iowa, chose the occasion to honor Pac-Man with "honorary citizenship" to the town. While the mayor's letter reminded us of the time Homer Simpson wrote a letter to "Die Hard," it also left us with several burning questions.

We caught up with Fairfield Mayor Ed Malloy to get some answers.In his letter, Mayor Malloy congratulates "Mr. Pac-Man" on his imminent IVGHF induction, and offers him "honorary citizenship" to Fairfield, "one of Iowa's Great Places," if he ever "gets tired of eating dots."

Not a shabby offer, considering that, in 2006, Fairfield was named one of Mother Earth News's "12 Great Places You've Never Heard Of." "We have all the amenities of the 'big city' in a small town," Malloy says. "We're a fun-loving community that has many diverse and unique elements to it."

Still, the mayor's offer of honorary citizenship seems to ignore the issue of Pac-Man's family. We wondered if his honorary citizenship would also extend to Ms. Pac-Man and Pac-Man Junior, or will they need to follow the normal immigration procedures? Malloy's answer left us a little cold: "When their anniversaries come, I'll give it strong consideration."

We think having a mayor who's willing to attract video game characters as residents is pretty kick-ass. Most towns don't even have a pixelated population, but Mayor Malloy is open to expanding Fairfield's.

"There are some 'Tekken' characters I would allow on our police force," he says, "and Super Mario would be welcome because we have an Italian-American organization, SOFIA (Society of Fairfield Italian Americans)."

Malloy doesn't really expect Pac-Man to come live in Fairfield, though.

"Unfortunately, he has already chosen to live in a neighboring town, Ottumwa, because the Hall of Fame is located there," he says. But if Pac-Man decides to take an excursion, "We will keep the presidential suite open for him at the local Super 8."

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Meet Basil Marceaux -- Most Awesomely Inarticulate Political Candidate Ever

Tommy Christopher — 2010-07-30T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Weird

Meet Basil Marceaux, a Republican candidate for governor in Tennessee, who recently introduced himself to the world via a local newscast. Video of his appearance has since gone viral.

Marceaux's brief stump speech resembles a nervous fifth-grader giving an oral book report, but we think his legislative priorities have merit.

Keep reading to check out Marceaux's political coming-out party, including his promises of unfettered gun ownership and renewable energy through vacant lots. Then decide for yourself if he's more sage than he's given credit for.

Marceaux's website is similarly marvelous, with what has to be the best campaign promise we've ever heard: "Make sure that if national insurance is put in place, I will make sure the roots of such bill with not inclued any type measuring of the waist like other counties." [sic]

While that might not have much resonance now, look for it to gain steam as Thanksgiving approaches.

We spoke with Basil this afternoon, and he explained that his viral introduction was the result of nerves, time constraints and the fact that he only has three teeth. He went on to say that he'd "give everyone dental," if elected.

If you like what Basil has to say, you can see him put his best foot forward on his YouTube channel.

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Awesome New Sci-Fi Bill Proposes U.S. Planetary Defense Commission

Tommy Christopher — 2010-07-30T11:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Weird News, News

The approach of the year 2012, the latest in a series of predicted Ends of the World As We Know It, really didn't have us all that worried. After all, we've been burned before. (Y2K, anyone?)

Then, we saw a new bill introduced by Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-Calif.) that proposes the establishment of a United States Commission on Planetary Defense to help protect Earth from the kind of catastrophic impact illustrated here by freakin' NASA.

Should we be worried? Is the sky falling? Will the commission include Bruce Willis and/or Morgan Freeman? Is it time to get an End Times condo?!?

Keep reading to find out what Congressman Rohrabacher told Asylum, which made our blood run cold.
NASA already spends $4 million a year to search for near-Earth objects (NEO), which the National Academy of Science defines thus: an asteroid or comet whose orbit approaches Earth's orbit to within about one-third the average distance of Earth from the Sun.

The Planetary Defense Commission will study ways to detect and neutralize deadly threats from above, and Rohrabacher says it's just the latest in his years-long quest to identify and protect humanity from NEOs. Previously, he introduced legislation to create the Pete Conrad Astronomy Awards, which honor amateur galaxy-gazers who've discovered NEOs.

Nuclear Explosives vs. Tractor Beams
"Films like 'Deep Impact' and 'Armageddon' are great entertainment," Rohrabacher says, "and they did cause many people, myself included, to start asking serious scientific questions about how real this threat is, and what we are doing to protect ourselves. Do we have the ability to protect ourselves from something that is known to have wiped out thousands, if not millions, of species before? If we're not smart enough to protect ourselves as a species from a potential known threat, then going to the moon or inventing rail guns is meaningless."

According to Rohrabacher, the scenarios laid out in science-fiction movies are surprisingly impractical:

"Right now, the only way to deal with an impending large-scale impact event is through the use of nuclear explosives. And we're not sure it would work. We don't have space shuttles that can refuel and blast around the moon to catch an asteroid, dropping oil-rig drillers to plant the explosives. And we don't really know how these asteroids would respond to the explosions."

In perhaps the most tragic aspect of this story, it doesn't even look like we'll get any awesome hardware out of this deal. "I hate to disappoint you and your readers," the congressman says, "but we don't have any rail guns or space lasers that can do the job, and we're not really looking to build any either."

No, apparently, our best shot is to detect an object decades ahead of time, and use a tractor beam or a small explosion to slightly alter the path of the killer asteroid. It's hard to say whether that would be more awful as a movie or a video game.

The Next Death Star?
Of course, one man's NEO Neutralization Station is another man's Death Star. How would Congressman Rohrabacher assuage critics who might see this as a step toward the weaponization of space?

"I am in favor of America doing whatever is necessary to protect our nation and our way of life," Rohrabacher says. "Besides, these aren't weapons -- they're defenses. We cannot let political correctness or fear of being provocative prevent us from using our knowledge to protect ourselves. Do you think China really cares about international concerns about weapons in space?"

That might be a little awkward, considering that President Obama has repeatedly promised not to weaponize space. While an American Death Ray has its appeal, leaky, commie rush-jobs littering our atmosphere do not.

This also seems like a golden opportunity to get us ready for any extraterrestrial hostiles who might rear their ugly, possibly space-Nazi heads. Unfortunately, Rohrabacher's commission won't be dealing with sentient threats, or fishing for secret UFO documents from Roswell. "The commission is designed to tackle the clear threats that asteroids and comets pose to the earth. Its scope would be limited to helping humanity prepare for this threat."

Great. He just lost Dennis Kucinich.

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One Reporter Is Driven to Madness by the White House Vending Machines

Tommy Christopher — 2010-07-02T13:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Video, Asylum Exclusive

One of the great things about being a green-gilled White House reporter is that I can appreciate the awesomeness of the job, while still observing the surreality of the mundane similarities to the cubicle-drone life I left behind barely two years ago. Case in point: the White House press break room. It's a lot like every other break room in America, except maybe a little more cramped. It also has two vending machines.

Recently, in a particularly Dunder Mifflin-esque touch, someone posted an angry note on the snack machine, urging a boycott because they had not only jacked up the prices to $1.25, but had failed to re-label the snacks that had previously been $1. What happened next would become a tragicomic journey into the Heart of Vending Machine Darkness, which would render me unable to think in anything but clichés.The vending machines in the break room had long been a sore subject for me, for several reasons. First of all, they don't take anything larger than a $1 bill, which means I always end up collecting singles like some cheapskate strip-club pervert who wants to make it rain.

Plus there were never enough Combos in the machine, and the accompanying soda machine frequently ran out of my favorite: Diet Dr. Pepper. The next time I went back to the White House, the old vending machines were gone, replaced by some shiny, slick-looking numbers. "Ha!" I said to myself. "The power of the press!"

Then, I noticed it. No Diet Dr. Pepper. The only sugar-free soda: Diet Pepsi, the very worst of all diet sodas. (Curiously, Pepsi One is the most delicious beverage ever. What the hell is in that one calorie? Unicorn tears?)

At that point, I actually said to myself, "Huh. Be careful what you wish for."

I grudgingly selected Diet Pepsi, and the machine was already sold out. It was hotter than Satan's taint that day, and we ended up waiting four hours for a 20-minute meeting between the president and BP executives to end. That's probably why I was so cranky when BP CEO Tony Hayward tried to flee the scene without answering any questions:

When I went back this past Monday, I discovered that they still hadn't refilled the machines, and the snack machine was now nearly empty. Who buys a bear claw from a vending machine?

When I went to buy an orange juice (for $1.75), the machine took my first dollar, but not my second. I hit the "change" button, and the thing gave me back 20 nickels! That and a sock will keep me safe in the yard at Rahway.

While my colleagues share my misgivings about the vending machines, they began to note my growing frustration with some amusement. That's because they, for the most part, don't know what it's like to be a one-man operation in the White House. I can't have a production assistant order take-out. I don't have a cubicle in which to install a mini-fridge. Like the poor souls who populate "The Matrix," I am completely at the mercy of the machines.

On my way in Tuesday, however, Jake Tapper informed me that the machines had been refilled! Oh happy day! Sure, there would be no Diet Dr. Pepper, but I had already dealt with that trauma. I put in a buck. Still no Diet Pepsi. Cursing, I put in another buck to get a red Gatorade.

Still, I was annoyed, especially when I noticed that the new snack machine had no Combos. Finally, I went back to the briefing room to take my seat, and I noticed that the machine hadn't given me Gatorade, but rather, Powerade.

To this final, meaningless, random indignity, I sighed.

"Better the Devil you know."

Tommy Christopher is Asylum's White House correspondent.

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Should the Media Indulge Osama Bin Laden Hunter Gary Faulkner?

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-30T10:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, News, TV

If you watch TV, chances are you've seen, or will soon see, Gary Faulkner making the rounds to talk about his quest to capture Osama Bin Laden. Aided by a publicist he shares with Rod Blagojevich and accused murderer Drew Peterson, the "Rocky Mountain Rambo" is evolving from enigma to absurdity, right before our eyes.

Faulkner was arrested in Pakistan earlier this month carrying a dagger, a sword, a pistol, night-vision equipment and a small quantity of hashish. To his credit, that's an awful lot of hardware to get into the country. On the other hand, the self-proclaimed ex-con trumpets his street smarts as an advantage, while not knowing better than to refer to the locals as "Pakis."

Is Faulkner the real deal, or a guy who's living a 21st-century Cheech & Chong movie? Instead of humoring him, should the media be talking him down?

It's tempting to root for Faulkner, as he has shown a relatively admirable level of competence. First of all, he managed to equip himself with everything but a winch and a 2,000-lb. Acme anvil. He has traveled, or attempted to travel, to Pakistan on eight prior occasions, and the region he was searching is in the right ballpark. He financed his latest trip by selling his construction tools. The idea that a regular guy could accomplish something that armies cannot is tantalizingly American.

However, all indications are that while Faulkner may be a Quixotic figure looking for redemption, he could end up running into some pretty deadly windmills. In appearances on "The View" and "The Late Show With David Letterman," he defended his use of the offensive term "Pakis" by explaining that the Pakistanis are his friends, talked about having a spiritual connection to his quarry by virtue of a shared need for dialysis and about how he and bin Laden are locked in an existential prizefight.

Then, there's his spaced-out description of a prior attempt to reach Afghanistan by sea. "The route is really kind of, like, you just head in a direction, and then you eventually hit land, and then from there you go from there."

While Letterman and the ladies of "The View" treated Faulkner with varying degrees of skepticism, the hosts of "Fox & Friends" seem completely sold. In an interview this morning (during which all that advice about not saying "Pakis" seems to have finally sunk in), Gary Faulkner revealed that he wasn't arrested in Pakistan, but rather rescued from al Qaeda operatives who were set to descend on him. He also morphs from Rambo to Thomas Crown, as he explains how his training as a thief will give him the edge he needs.

Maybe Faulkner isn't nuts, maybe the Pakistani government is working with him, and maybe he does have some spiritual divining rod that can lead him to bin Laden's cave and safely back out. But we don't think so.

Faulkner, who has been "arrested 10 times in Greeley for crimes including burglary and domestic violence," seems to be a man in search of redemption, caught up in a media machine that voraciously craves spectacle.

Faulkner says he plans to go back to Pakistan, and maybe this PR blitz is intended somehow to net the resources to do it. Whether he has a real shot at bin Laden or not, that's a dangerous part of the world, and it would be a real shame if he got hurt, or worse, in the process.

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Vice President Joe Biden Calls Custard Store Manager 'Smartass'

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-28T15:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Weird News, Political Punditry

During a photo op at a Milwaukee frozen-custard store on Friday, Vice President Joe Biden caused a bit of a stir when he called the store's manager a "smartass" for cracking wise about taxes.

Sampling the store's treats, Biden asked Kopp's Frozen Custard manager Scott Borkin what he owed him. Borkin replied, "Lower our taxes and we'll call it even."

With local TV cameras recording the action, Biden revisited the remark minutes later, admonishing Borkin, "Why don't you say something nice, instead of being a smartass all the time?"

After the jump, check out the video of the Borkin and Biden Show, and why Biden's reply should have surprised no one.
Here's the ABC-12 footage of Smartassgate.

Honestly, we would've lost it if they corrected us for calling it an "ice cream shop." We're sure there's a difference between ice cream and frozen custard, but who really cares?

In an interview with Fox News, Borkin said Biden's comment was "shocking," which was a lot funnier than his tax quip. I guess he missed Biden's famous F-bomb in the East Room of the White House earlier this year. Perhaps "smartass" carries some kind of colloquial sting in Wisconsin, but among working-class East Coasters, it's practically a term of endearment.

Biden is so famous for his occasional bluntness, in fact, that Deputy Press Secretary Bill Burton recently lamented the vice-president's absence when we asked him to respond to comments by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin:

Burton may be on to something. There are times when you need cautious, well-crafted responses from an experienced press secretary, but in today's rough-and-tumble political climate, perhaps more Biden is just what the doctor ordered.

Tommy Christopher is Asylum's White House Correspondent.

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What the Hell Is Going on in Robert Gibbs' Office?

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-25T10:30:00+00:00

At Tuesday's White House briefing, the story of the day was the impending fate of General Stanley McChrystal, who has since been relieved of his command of the mission in Afghanistan over an extremely ill-advised Rolling Stone interview in which he and his staff trash the president and others.

In the first half of the briefing, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs fielded questions through a clenched mask of barely restrained fury and disgust. So much so that several White House reporters tweeted about it.

I wanted to get Gibbs' reaction to the controversy, as he is also a close friend and confidant to the president. I began my question with the observation that I had never seen Gibbs so angry, and I was completely thrown by the reaction.

After the jump, see the reaction from Gibbs and the press corps, and why it makes me wonder what chamber of horrors exists in Gibbs' office.
When I said I had never seen him so angry, I meant it, and I've seen him get pretty angry. Apparently, though, he must have some hidden dark side, because my observation made the first two rows erupt with laughter.

What the hell? Is Gibbs' office like the interview room from "The Shield," fresh phone book standing by to dispatch unruly reporters? I can just see him growling, "Don't make me angry, Mr. Tapper. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Even Gibbs thought it was funny, and he told me to check with Jake Tapper if I wasn't sure. I did check with Jake, and his response was curiously guarded:

"I'm only answering because he told you from the podium to check with me. Let's just say he makes his point of view crystal clear and he's a loyal advocate for President Obama. But I'm the last guy to complain about that sort of thing and I don't know many people who would describe me as meek, so it's not something that I consider anything other than part of the job."

This is probably the only silver lining to not being in the first few rows of the briefing room, the fact that I don't have the run of the press office, so I stay out of the line of fire.

Still, the reporter in me would kinda like to witness this phenomenon firsthand. Asking tough questions doesn't seem to do it, so maybe I need to study up on those "Messin' Wi th Sasquatch" commercials. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

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Mike Huckabee Jokes About Sarah Palin Doing Cocaine

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-23T17:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Video, Political Punditry

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee is one of the few politicians, Republican or otherwise, who at least tries to be funny.

He famously had Chuck Norris shoot ads for his 2008 presidential bid, and he is a favorite guest on shows like Jon Stewart's "Daily Show."

We're afraid, though, that "Shecky" Huckabee may have stepped over the line (heh) with a joke about Sarah Palin using cocaine. He made the cocaine crack on the most intentionally funny Fox News show, Redeye, while critiquing Palin's stance on marijuana enforcement.

Palin's legions of fans may end up making Huck wish he'd stuck to politics, but we're impressed with the Baptist minister's command of drug lingo. Check out the video after the jump.

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Mary Bono Mack Voted Sexiest Female Member of Congress

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-18T16:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Women, Politics, Below the Belt

As enlightened males, we think that rating our nation's lawmakers on something as frivolous as sexual attractiveness is unconscionable.

The website Sexual Congress, however, has no such compunctions. It allows you to pit your own member of Congress against others in a battle royale to see who has the sexiest legislative body.

The current leader is Mary Bono Mack (R-Calif.), widow of '70s icon and former Congressman Sonny Bono. With a 94 percent win record, Bono Mack barely edges out New York's freshman senator and Hillary Clinton standard-bearer Kirsten Gillibrand.

Perhaps the people of the Web were swayed by Bono Mack's position on the Subcommittee on Telecommunications and the Internet.

Check out the rest of the leader board and keep reading for another shot of Bono Mack.

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Congressman Flips Out in Flipcam Ambush Interview

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-14T12:15:00+00:00

Filed under: Politics, Video, News

The hot YouTube video today is a clip of Rep. Bob Etheridge flipping out on a pair of self-identified college students in a heavily edited ambush interview. In the clip, Etheridge is asked if he "fully supports the Obama agenda," at which point Etheridge immediately asks the pair to identify themselves, then appears to lunge for the camera.

Bizarrely, the student with the flipcam has his face blurred out. After an editing cutaway, Etheridge is shown holding the blurry interviewer's wrist, and as they argue, he pulls the young man to him in a mock-friendly embrace. Awkward.

Since the posting of the first clip, the full, unedited video has been released.

Update: Etheridge has apologized. Keep reading to see the clips, and read the apology..Here's the clip that everyone's talking about, which appears to be cut together from both cameras that were there:

Here's the uncut video from the camera belonging to the young man in the clip:

And here is the uncut video from that man's partner:

What do you think? Is there more than meets the eye in this story, or does Etheridge need a bit of anger management mixed in with his media relations training?

Update: Etheridge has apologized, releasing the following statement:

"I deeply and profoundly regret my reaction and I apologize to all involved," Mr. Etheridge said in a statement. "Throughout my many years of service to the people of North Carolina, I have always tried to treat people from all viewpoints with respect. No matter how intrusive and partisan our politics can become, this does not justify a poor response."

He added, "I have and I will always work to promote a civil public discourse."

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Whoomp! (There He Isn't) -- Barack Look-Alike LA Sno Speaks Out

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-14T10:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Entertainment, Politics, Video, Weird News, Asylum Exclusive

Last week, Barack Obama became embroiled in perhaps one of the strangest conspiracy theories in presidential history. Rumors circulated widely on the Internet asserted that our current commander in chief made a cameo appearance in hip-hop one-hit-wonder Tag Team's 1993 video for "Whoomp! (There it is)" video.

The rumor was quickly debunked, as it turned out that the Barack doppelganger was actually rapper LA Sno, one-half of the rap duo Dewce (formerly known as Duice). As Asylum's White House correspondent, I felt duty-bound to investigate further, so I reached out to LA Sno to get to the bottom of this controversy.

Sno first heard about the rumor from a Facebook friend. He thought it was a joke. When a Memphis TV station reached out to a buddy of his to get his contact info, he did a Web search and found out the story was the real deal.

"Any time I can be mentioned in the same conversation with Barack Obama is just off the chain," says Sno, a self-described "big fan" of the president who is basking in the glow of the public attention.Sno says this is the first time he has been mistaken for the president. As you can see from the cover of Dewce's upcoming single "Rock Dem Dazzees," (a follow-up to their own 1993 hit, "Dazzey Duks"), Sno (rocking the shades on the left) doesn't actually look that much like Obama.

Still, there are bound to be "Whoompers" who will refuse to believe it's not the president, no matter what evidence you present to them. LA Sno has a fairly simple prescription for those folks: "They probably need to have President Obama and me meet each other. That way, we can clear it up."

Despite this link with President Obama, LA Sno has no plans to enter politics himself. He and Dewce partner Creo-D have a reality show in the works, in addition to the July release of "Rock Dem Dazzees."

"It's called 'America in Dazzee Dukes,' Sno says. "It's a nationwide search for girls wearing Daisy Duke shorts." Sounds like a premise we can all get behind.

In case you missed it, here's the "Whoomp! (There It Is)" video. The controversial shot of LA Sno is at the 1:02 mark.

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Cursed? Brawl-Plagued Graduation Also Featured Faceplant

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-11T16:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Humor, Video

We reported earlier on the brawl that erupted at the North St. Paul graduation ceremony, immortalized forever by parent Debbie Chazin in the "Citizen Kane" of YouTube fight videos.

Now, Asylum has learned that mild tragedy struck twice in that accursed gymnasium, and Chazin was there, once again, to capture the action. Graduating senior Sam Kleppe took those first brave steps into his future, then promptly matriculated onto the floor.

After the jump, check out Kleppe's fall, also expertly shot by Chris Larson's mom.

In case you missed our earlier post, here is the fight from the same graduation:

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North St. Paul High School Graduation Fistfight Video Masterfully Shot

Tommy Christopher — 2010-06-11T13:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Video, Vid of the Moment, News

Most fistfight videos on YouTube tend to be bouncy and shot on the lowest-grade cell phone cam. Not so for the work of a masterful camera jockey in Minnesota, who recently captured a brawl that broke out at the North St. Paul High School graduation ceremony.

The video offers expert camera work, smooth and patient as it follows the suddenly raucous action. The images are steady, composed and never grainy.

See for yourself, as the video first captures the fracas, before panning to get the aftermath and stunned looks on parents' faces. Someone hire this cameraman (or woman)!

UPDATE: We also found this amazing faceplant video from the same graduation ceremony. North St. Paul rules. Police are releasing few details, but the son of the woman who shot the video, Chris Larson, told KARE11 that ""they just started jawing a little and then all of a sudden, they started throwing (punches). The girl threw her shoes -- high heels. It was pretty intense."

Not so intense, though, that she didn't produce this steady-handed (by Youtube standards) brawl video. Chris Larson's mom has got it goin' on, at least as a viral videographer.

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