ASYLUM - For all mankind

The Great Asylum Round Up: Grills and a Place in Heaven

Friday 16 May
By Brian Childs

Video of the Week: Vital trivia or just a load of B.S.? You be the judge.

Sex: Does cocksure humor trigger a primal response from women?

Women: Sloan from "Entourage" was topless on the cover of GQ and we have the photo.

Weird: Good news! You don't need to be nice because you can now buy a place in heaven.

Food: The strangest grills built by man.

Heroes: Monday was International Nurses' Day. Appreciate nurses by reading this horrific tale of what they have to put up with. Spoiler alert: it involves masturbation.

Our Favorite Comments of the Week:

From 13-Year-Old Boy Hires Hookers to Play Xbox at Motel, Allen wrote, "The story actually gets better. I heard on the radio this morning that the call girls were suspicious of their ages, and in order for young Ralph to prolong his epic adventure, him and his friends convinced the ladies that they were actually midgets in town with a traveling circus!"

From One-Third Admit to Having Hangovers at Work, David wrote, "As one old Sgt. told me long ago. You should be able to drink till midnight and with two hours sleep take a 10 to 12 mile hike with full packs. What's a hang over?"

From Climate Change Could Make Breakfast Cereals Toxic, Jmar wrote, "'Nobody.....and I mean nobody.....better take my Boo Berry away from me. Heads will roll."

Magellan May Have Had an Assist from El Nino

Friday 16 May
By Anthony Layser

(Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.)

The weather phenomenon known as El Nino may have helped Ferdinand Magellan navigate the first successful trip around the globe in 1520.

A recent study claims the explorer encountered calm waters off the western coast of South America, an area of sea that is normally rough, thanks to abnormal weather patterns similar to those during an El Nino.

The findings are supported by tree-ring data that indicates an El Nino may have been doing that thing it does between 1518 and 1520, the same time Magellan was attempting to reach what is now Indonesia.

Though the circumstances were right for circumnavigating the globe, there was a downside. It allowed the explorer to make it to the Philippines, where he was killed by natives.

Oh, El Nino, you wily storm center, you.


Feel Good This Summer, Fatty

Friday 16 May
By Brian Childs

Summer is coming up, as is that moment you start to regret all those burgers and shakes you've been eating for lunch.

Fear not, Bullz-Eye has 11 tips to help you look and feel good this summer that will help you get back into pants that don't feature elastic waistbands. Some of Bullz-Eye's tips include going organic and eating multiple times a day, which are great ideas, but we have a couple more suggestions that will help you enjoy this summer:

-- Drink in the afternoon. Every afternoon.

-- Wear a fat suit. Later, when you take it off, you'll feel like you look so much better.

-- Don't forget to pick up some baby powder for downstairs.

Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments.

Elsewhere in the manly "sack pack" universe today ...

Album Covers Expanded (Afrojacks)
Commencement Speaker Showdown (CO-ED Magazine)
Chris Matthews Embarrasses Idiot (Double Viking)
NYU Grad Gets Tackled at Yankee Stadium (UnCoached)
The Ringshot: Rubber Band Attack Technology (Boing Boing)

Vital Trivia or Total Bull? Reader Says a Little of Both

Friday 16 May
By Emily McCombs

Earlier this week, we posted a video from College Humor in which an inexplicably shirtless man introduced some trivia and statistics that sounded almost too bizarre to be true. We put it to you, our fair readers, to judge for yourselves whether 21 newborn babies are given to the wrong parents every day and the average length of an erect penis.

Commenter Julian impressed us with his response so much, we are prepared to blindly accept his statements. It always worked with that kid we paid to do our homework in high school. Can anyone smarter and less lazy than us "second" these confirmations?

"I can confirm/correct a few of these:

-- Charlie Chaplin lost a "Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest."
-- People swallow eight spiders in a lifetime, not a year (mostly asleep).
-- Alcohol, not cannabis, is the most widely abused drug.
-- A fridge will not prevent its contents from freezing. (It's only capable of cooling.)
-- 96 percent of women really have faked an orgasm.
-- I wouldn't doubt the 9V battery thing (more people die from falling out of bed), but it would be by choking.
-- Butterflies (and other flies) do have taste buds on their feet.
-- The population is roughly correct. (BTW, it should double again by 2020.
-- Donald Duck really is banned in Finland.
-- Spiders rarely kill humans at all. However, they are venomous, not poisonous.
-- Bonus: There are NOT 100 words for snow in Inuit. There aren't even 20.
-- Superbonus: You use 100 percent of your brain (notwithstanding a stroke), though it can reprogram itself to function with 50 percent. The 10 percent thing was invented by a self-help guru."

Man Dies in Spitting Contest Mishap

Friday 16 May
By Tom Radler

Your mom always told you that spitting was a filthy habit. Turns out it may also be a deadly one.

A 29-year-old Swiss man demonstrated this earlier in the week when he plummeted to his death during a spitting contest with a friend.

The man plunged 6.4 meters off a hotel room balcony after taking a run-up in order to get extra distance on his loogie. The not-so-strategic move caused him to lose his balance and fall to the street below. He was taken to a nearby hospital where he died from his injuries.

The two spitters had been in a disco in the Italian-speaking part of the Swiss town of Cadempino, and had come up with the idea for the spitting contest after returning home. They were with a third friend, who went to bed instead of competing.

Mastering the Man Hug

Friday 16 May
By Tom Radler

Ever feel like there are just way too many occasions these days where it seems like you're expected to hug another guy? Relatives, fine. But do all friends need to be greeted with open arms? This British tutorial on man hug etiquette will give you a better sense of how the deed is done with a minimum of awkwardness.

Goofy Beauties: Even Stunning Women Look Silly Sometimes

Friday 16 May
By Anthony Layser

Deep within the human psyche lies an innate desire to gawk at photos of celebrities looking just as unglamorous as regular people. It's even rumored that an early draft of Darwin's "The Origin of Species" included a shot of a hungover Mary Todd Lincoln wearing sweatpants coming out of the Starbucks on Melrose.

In keeping with this instinct, Asylum presents a gallery of beauties looking goofy. Like Darwin's editor, we also decided to cut the first lady out.








Beauty Is As Beauty Does

    Don't fret, Beyonce. The ninja turtles are on their way to protect you from the Shredder.

    Getty Images

    It's not entirely clear whether Rachel Bilson is puckering up or smelling her upper lip. It's probably a little of both.

    Getty Images

    Amy Adams may have played a princess in "Enchanted," but here she looks like the village lunatic.

    Getty Images

    It's very seldom that Angelina Jolie doesn't ooze sexuality. This is one of those times.

    Getty Images

    Amy Smart is more than happy to show what she'd look like with a second chin.

    Getty Images

    You know the rule, Ashanti -- whoever smelt it, dealt it.

    Getty Images

    Is Halle Berry dancing or recoiling in fear? You make the call.

    Getty Images

    Brittany Snow just found out that the character of Edna Turnblad in "Hairspray" was played by a man.

    Getty Images

    More lip smelling, this time courtesy of Jessica Simpson.

    Getty Images

    If Elisha Cuthbert were really Jack Bauer's daughter, she'd be protected from photo ops like this.

    Getty Images

Twain Back on the Market; McConaughey Pimps Baby Pics

Friday 16 May
By Anthony Layser

(Our round-up of celeb gossip so you can keep up with your girlfriend.)

Shania Twain and that Mutt guy split. NSFW (Derober)

Matthew McConaughey taps agent to land deal ... for baby photos. (TMZ)

Lily Allen is a fan of topless sunbathing. NSFW (The Blemish)

George Clooney to star in paranormal goat flick. (EW)

Is Britney vacationing in Costa Rica with Mel Gibson? (WWTDD)

DeGeneres and de Rossi to get DeMarried. (MSNBC)