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Prizefight

Rant like Lewis Black and win his new book.

Asylum Rocks Bonobos

Look out world, we've got new pants!

Mark Spitz Pool Cool

Iconic threads.

We Want Your Ideas

Have a tip on something we should cover?
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Tree Man Has Limbs Trimmed

Feels much better.

Police Mistake Doll for Body

Wait, what kind of doll?

Beauty Queen Attacks!

Her ex's new lover.

Strange European Foods

The Old Country eats this stuff.

Rich Wife Or A Poor Brother?

Which is a bigger political liability?

Trick Out Your iPhone

Skins and accessories.

Bluetooth Ski Gloves

Go wireless on the slopes.

Kill A Baby Seal

With a toy narwhal.

Great Moments in Punditry

My party loathes me more than you.

The Great Asylum Round Up -- Bodypainting & Duct Tape

Friday 05 September
By Brian Childs

Video of the Week: "Tiny Entourage" was putting us in stitches.

Sex: This week, Asylum saluted the courageous and curvaceous celebrities who have taken off all of their clothing for a good cause.

Women:
Love art? Love the female body? You're going to love our photos of the World Bodypainting Festival.

Weird: Got a problem, like, for example, a petulant child or a wobbly moon rover? Fix it with duct tape!

Masterclash: It's a battle to the death between the Bridge to Nowhere and Nicolas Cage's hair.

Barroom Debate: Will Sarah Palin's background help or hurt?

Our Favorite Comments of the Week:


On U.K. Agency Calls for Bans on 'Wanted' Posters, WZ wrote, "I've just returned from England. Now that they have outlawed guns, they are having another problem. Everyday in London while I was there an average of 7 people a day were being killed with knives. Now they want to make it mandatory two years jail time for carrying a POCKET knife! What next baseball bats? A Nation with legal gun ownership has Citizens, a Nation without has 'Subjects'!"

On Beauty Queen Assaults Ex's New Lover, Jim wrote, "I thought they were talking about Palin."

Thinking Increases Your Appetite

Friday 05 September
By Jeremy Taylor

(Our happy fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.)

A recent study shows that people eat more after doing intellectual exercises.

Researchers offered students as much food as they could eat after having them either relax, summarize a text or take memory and attention tests on a computer. Although doing the intellectual work only burned three more calories than being sedentary, those who had completed the cognitive tasks ended up consuming over 200 calories more from the unlimited buffet.

The study's authors are crediting the noggin calisthenics for bigger fluctuations in glucose and insulin levels than rest periods, that consequently triggered an increased appetite.

Since not thinking helps folks lose weight, we may soon create the "Read Asylum Diet."

Everything You Ever, Ever Wanted to Know About 'Entourage'

Friday 05 September
By Brian Childs

It's been a long time since we've seen the boys from "Entourage," over a year to be precise. But through the dim fog of a year's worth of poor decisions, we recall being really, really into this show.

Fortunately Bullz-Eye has got our back with a comprehensive backlog of "Entourage" blog posts (spoiler alert).Three of Asylum's wishes for the new season:

-- Seth Green will make another cameo. Or, conversely, the "Entourage" cast will all appear on "Robot Chicken."

-- Hot, scantily clad women will constantly be hanging all over Vincent. Fingers crossed on this one.

--The boys spend an episode trying to buy "MILF Weed" from Nancy Botwin from "Weeds." Highly unlikely, but it would make for a pay cable match made in heaven.

Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments.

Elsewhere in the manly "sack pack" universe today ...

Penis Butterfly Tattoo (Afrojacks)
Eight Less Obvious Tailgating Essentials (The Bachelor Guy)
Movie Movie: The Parody to End all Parodies (College Humor)
Stupid Driver Does Stupid Thing (Linkognito)
Whatever Happened to Long Duk Dong (Uncoached)
10 Coolest Financially Insecure Superheroes (Bam! Kapow!)
10 Helpful Warning Signs (Holy Taco)
NFL All Star Screams Like a Girl (Tasty Booze)
The Kooks Cover MGMT (CO-ED)

Duck Stamp Typo Leads to Phone Sex Line

Friday 05 September
By Emily McCombs

Whether you're into Arbor Day, old-timey trains or Elvis, chances are there's a stamp to commemorate your special interest. But the federal government is now distributing a stamp for a different kind of enthusiast -- lovers of phone sex.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife service said Monday that 3.5 million federal "duck stamps," which must be bought and carried by waterfowl hunters, have been affixed to a card bearing a misprinted number that leads callers to a phone sex line promising "girls who turn you on." The card unfortunately transposes two digits from the correct number, 1-800-STAMP24, so that it dials 1-800-TRAMP24.

Rachel Levin, a Fish and Wildlife spokeswoman calls this "an unfortunate typographical error" that her agency "really regrets." However, the agency plans to continue to provide the stamp to eager philatelists (that's a stamp collector, perv), because it would be too expensive to reprint them.

We've been known to pinch a few pennies ourselves, but it seems like it might be worth the extra dough to keep a simple change of letters from turning your "duck" stamp into ... well, a different kind of stamp.

Sale Time -- Hawaii

Friday 05 September
By Matt Glazebrook

Taking an elitist vacation to America's most "foreign" and "exotic" state (adjectives courtesy of Obama-watching pundits) just got a little more affordable.

Various airlines are currently offering discounted fares to Hawaii, so get ready to slip on a floral shirt, grab a mai tai and kick back on some of the world's most beautiful beaches. And when you're not laying out while poorly dressed and drunken, you can head inland and explore the "cosmopolitan" culture that helped shape our possible future president.

At only $648 from New York on Continental Airlines, $687 from Atlanta via CheapTickets.com or $480 from Los Angeles on Northwest Airlines (all flights September 16 through 23), it's practically your civic duty.

Mile-High Club Match-Up -- Laula or Carbon Fiber Plane?

Friday 05 September
By G. Xavier Robillard

Once again, it's time to make that all-important decision: Would you rather fly first class with tastefully nude Brit model and MySpace hottie Laula or the Icon A5, an amphibious folding airplane with a carbon fiber frame?

Either one will stop air traffic if picked up on radar, so we've decided to attempt to weigh the options of this hardly hypothetical situation.

Laula
Pro:
Redhead? Check. British accent? Check. Poses topless with whips? Check.
Con: Scintillating cultural commentator: "I cant read or write or talk or anything half the time anywway (sic)."
Pro: Her formal training is as a "quantity surveyor," which will be great for trips to Home Depot.
Con: Her "list of things that make me sad" includes "Not getting my own way" and "All men."

Icon A5
Pro: You only need 20 hours of pilot training to fly one.
Con: Being a two-seater makes for a difficult cross-country carpool.
Pro: Folds up so it can be towed on a boat trailer.
Con: Includes a parachute which might make you wonder if you should have gotten more than 20 hours of instruction.

Make your choice after the jump.

America's Finest Over-the-Top Belt Buckles

Friday 05 September
By Matt Glazebrook

From country singers and gangsta rappers to ironic hipsters and fanboy geeks, nothing unites Americans like the desire to wear improbably large decorative belt buckles.

More than just an accent to the system of keeping your pants from falling down, belt buckles express your personality, can sometimes open bottles and, most importantly, draw attention to your unit. This pretty much makes them the ultimate accessory.

But what do our belt buckles really say about our culture? After checking out the gallery below, you may be able to unbuckle the truth.


Crazy Belt Buckles

    Foreigner hologram buckle. Unbuttoned fly. Gut spilling over the waistband. You're ready for a night on the town.

    media.photobucket.com

    You too can be the best-dressed nerd at Comic Con.

    hollywoodheroes.com

    Throughout the great religions of the world, there are numerous ways to express devotion to one's god. Some faithful souls grow their hair, others shave it off completely; some meditate in solitude, others take to the streets with a bullhorn and sandwich board. Only the most pious pay their respects by wearing a very special belt buckle.

    crazyhorseindustries.net

    The safest year at Aliquippa Works was indeed 1980. However, 1981 was marred by an unfortunate accident involving a giant belt buckle getting caught in the rolling mill.

    media.photobucket.com

    Nice joystick.

    flickr.com

    Actually, this one is pretty cool. Who doesn't want to open a beer bottle with a deer's mouth?

    flickr.com

    Country megastar Toby Keith keeps alive the workwear tradition of the classic Western buckle alive in his side-job as foreman of the world's least efficient construction crew.

    Getty Images

    Lil' John shows his support for the official Cadillac memorabilia store, that also sells a Cadillac fountain pen, a Cadillac thermal flask, and an attractive Cadillac ladies quilted jacket.

    Wireimage.com

    If hip-hop and country music are the twin pillars of belt buckle culture, it's only fitting that Cowboy Troy, who dubiously straddles the genres, should have the biggest, lamest, buckle of all.

    Getty Images

    That's too bad, because your belt buckle tends to make women want to stay dressed in your company.

    media.photobucket.com

Get a Little Taste of Hollywood Stardom with 'Tiny Entourage'

Friday 05 September
By Asylum Staff

The new season of HBO's "Entourage" starts up this Sunday. For those who haven't seen it, it pretty much completely different than the TLC reality show, "Little People, Big World." However, you might not realize that after watching this video. (via Heavy)